30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics: How Manipulators Take Control In Personal Relationships

by Adelyn Birch

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” ― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

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fact, the manipulator will tell you, this negative emotion is an issue you need to work on, and one he or she finds highly unattractive. The silent treatment usually follows, which increases your frustration

emotionality) at not being able to express your thoughts and feelings. You are unwittingly put into a vicious cycle with no way out. The more you are made to suppress your emotions, the more frustrated – and emotional – you will become, which starts the process all over again.

you to feel you must verbally defend who you are, what you believe, and what the truth is.

Covert manipulation tactics trigger you to react emotionally instead of responding rationally, which is exactly what the manipulator wants:

What these manipulation tactics have in common is that they make us feel fear – the fear of losing the other person and the relationship.

We don’t want to lose them, so we act the way they want us to so we can avoid that loss. In this situation, the person who creates our fear is the only one who can relieve our fear, so we end up unwittingly playing along with their game.

Playing the Victim

circumstances or of some unfair person’s or organization’s behavior. This elicits our sympathy – and our cooperation – because we can’t stand to see someone else suffering.

Your joy at finding love has turned into the fear of losing it. You will start feeling stressed at this point. Your feelings have gone from happiness and euphoria to anxiety, sadness and even desperation. (This is known as “the manipulative shift.”)

Your mood depends entirely on the state of the relationship.

You obsess about the relationship constantly. You endlessly analyze every aspect of it as you desperately try to “figure it out.” You talk about it constantly, to whomever will listen. None of this gets you anywhere.

You always seem to be on the defensive. You find yourself feeling misunderstood, so you continually feel the need to explain things and defend yourself.

You’re frustrated about ongoing issues that come up repeatedly and are never resolved. Conversations about these issues always seem to end up being about your problem with mistrust or insecurity.

You often feel guilty. You continually try to repair the damage you believe you’ve caused. You blame yourself for your partner pulling