The Way I Used to Be (The Way I Used to Be, #1)

by Amber Smith

To You. To every you who has ever known the feeling of needing new ways to be.

But I’m not her anymore. I don’t even want to be her anymore. That girl who was so naive and stupid—the kind of girl who could let something like this happen to her.

“Are you really okay?” I nod, even though I’m not sure if I am—if I ever will be.

But it feels too nice, too sweet, too meant for someone else, someone more like who I used to be, or rather, who I would have been.

Thoughts that can’t be undone. Would anyone care? Would anyone even fucking notice? What if one day I just wasn’t here anymore? What if one day it all just stopped? What if? What if? What if?

He needed to make her feel worthless, needed to control her, needed to hurt her, needed to leave her powerless.

“This isn’t who I was supposed to be. I used to be so nice. I used to be a nice, sweet, good person. And now I just—I just—I hate. I hate him. I hate him so much, Josh. I really do.”

His hands, his arms, can hold the pieces in place temporarily, maybe even for a long time, but he can never truly put them back together. That’s not his job. He’s not the hero and he’s not the enemy and he’s not a god. He’s just a boy. And I’m just a girl, a girl who needs to pick up her own pieces and put them back together herself.