Time of Your Life (Time of Your Life #1)

by Jessa Hastings

I’ve probably had me hands on a girl’s face before, but it weren’t like this, you know what I mean? Holdin’ her face cos I can’t look away. Starin’ at it like one of them glass prisms that shoots rainbows and colours and fuckin’ all sorts about. Hold her face up to the sun if I could. See if the light bounces off her too. Feels like it might just…

Now, look—I ain’t one to take too well to people laughin’ at me… Might let her laugh at me forever, though. Maybe. Just cos I like the sound.

And then the weirdest fuckin’ thing happens—like, properly mad. I suddenly clock that she’s standing in my dressing room, and I like her there. Like the idea of her being the last thing I see before I go onstage just works?

It makes me happy for a second but just for a second. Kisses don’t mean anything—just ask Jesus.

Iconic

This is a terrible part of loving someone, isn’t it? That they become your heart that lives outside of your body and they exist in the world, and the world we live in tries to beat everyone and everything down, and today it picked him, and it’s working. There’s always been a sparky light in Joah’s eyes. I saw it the very first night we met. Maybe over time I’ve embellished it, but in the eye of my mind’s memory, there’s this magical light inside of his eyes that I think I watched the world dim a bit today. Do you know how that feels? To watch something you love be destroyed?

“How do you know I have sisters?” “I don’t know—” He sniffs a laugh. “I’m paying attention?” Jo didn’t know I had sisters. That’s a bit funny, don’t you think?

Kinda hate that…that I can’t be meself or do what I wanna do because I love some girl now? That’s fuckin’ stupid.

🥴

Me an’ Richie, we learned early how to get in the way, take the brunt of it so she wouldn’t have to. Didn’t always work, but. He’d get his digs in anyway if he couldn’t get his hands on her, call her all sorts of names like it was sport. Richie’d take the hits. Back then he was bigger, shoulders an’ all. Me, I wasn’t much good for takin’ it, so I got good at givin’ it back. Knew how to make him pause, at least. A kick to the shin, smack with somethin’ heavy if I could grab it fast enough. Didn’t care how manky it was—rather him mad at me than her.

Literally the only good thing about this man

Bit of that’s why I didn’t want Ys to come. Didn’t want her seein’ where I came from, gettin’ clues about me life I don’t want her knowin’. Don’t want her knowin’ any of this shite. Wouldn’t want her thinkin’ there’s any kind of weakness in me, y’know what I mean?

Funny thing about growin’, innit. Don’t really know till after you’re done that you were.

“Don’t fuckin’ tell her to call you,” I snap, warning him with a look.

THE AUDACITY

“Well, I need to know!” I shout, my voice cracking with it. “So fuckin’ find out!” “Are you off your fuckin’ head?” Richie gets up onto his feet again and right into my face now, proper close, his voice low and sharp. “Mate, you must think I’m someone else—”

RICHIEEEE LET EM KNOWWW

Do you know what’s proper fucked? Even though I feel sick with it, I’m still fuckin’ pissed at her too. Because like, every cheer, every roar from that fuckin’ crowd—it just bounced right off me, like I couldn’t even hear it, know what I mean? And it’s her fault because she was in me fuckin’ head. Drives me fuckin’ mad. She’s in me head when she’s my girlfriend, and she’s still in me head when she’s not. Like, I can’t win, can I?

People like this man??

“Solly.” He kisses the top my head because he’s just like that. “Talk to me.”

Confirmed: Only Freddie is allowed to call her Solly

haven’t booked anywhere, I don’t have a place to stay—” He gives me a look like I’m silly as he tosses an arm around me. “Yeah, you do.”

A man. A man. A ma-e-aaan

He gives me a long look, pinches his eyes back at me. “I didn’t say that.”

😏

God, and you know what, kissing Fletch is like a blanket being thrown around your shoulders on a cool night. Immediate warmth; immediately, I’m comfortable; immediately, I’m okay.

TEHEEE

Feelings are for the weak, and though it pains me to admit—I am the weakest of the weak.

😂😂😂😂 too relatable I fear

I’ve asked him about it before, why and how he’s so good. He just smiled and said that he just pays attention. There’s something so sexy about that, isn’t there?

😏😏😏😏😏

And do you know what? That boy shakes his head at me.

Stand your ground Freddie

“Said you wanted to take things slow…” Things? What fuckin’ things—?

Sorry that was funny

“And you’ve forgotten, little brother, that you’re here cos I let you be.”

Oop

Careful what you wish for, but—cos she’s not alone. She fuckin’ brought him.

I love this for Is and Jo

She’s staring at me like she thinks I’m shit. Maybe I am—?

...no arguments here

Wants me to hear, she does… “He doesn’t even write their songs.”

YOOOOOOO

“Nah,” my brother pipes from behind me. “They’re my guests.” I freeze. Turn ’round, slow. “What?” He shrugs, all casual-like. “I invited them.”

The way this keeps getting worse

“I invited your ex-girlfriend to my show…”

SCREAMINGGGGG

“So there’s a reason you’re fuckin’ here with me and haven’t spent the last two months over at his place suckin’ his cock—”

Im sorry... IN WHAT WORLD do people like this man??!!

She bends down close to my face. “I don’t know who you think you are or, more importantly, who you think I am, that would lead you to believe that I would ever, under any circumstance, allow you to speak to me like that, but that is your first and final warning.”

Ate that up

“Is there a world where you could be okay if no one remembered your songs or your name except for me?” “No,” he says without even a thought. And I was right. Crushed. He gives me a sorry look, touches my face ever. “Know I should say yes, Trouble, but no—Sorry.” There’s an urgent desperation in the eyes of the man I love who looks so very much right now like just a boy. “They need to remember me.” I don’t know why, but something about that feels like such a death sentence. I’m not sure for who. Him? Me? Us? Someone’s not making it out of this thing alive, I fear.

Ys is waitin’ for us at the bottom of the stairs, hands in her pockets, eyes big and wide. And as I walk toward her—Fuck, you know what? I see it. That other world. Where I’m not me, but she’s still her, cos she’s fuckin’ perfect. Where she’s barefoot in the kitchen, and there’s toy cars fuckin’ everywhere, crayon drawings on the wall, kettle always on, fire always lit. And it’s enough for me. Don’t need the whole fuckin’ world to know my name. Don’t need to be remembered by no one but her and them two boys.

That was probably the cutest thing he’s ever said

“Fletch.” I cut him off. “It was time…” “Yeah—?” He lifts an eyebrow. “Funny that timing just happened to coincide with the fucking boy of the month mouthing off and getting himself into some heavy shit?” I tilt my head at him. “That’s not fair.” “No—” Fletch agrees. “It’s not, but that didn’t fucking stop him, did it?”

Clock it

“He should never have asked!” Fletch yells.

🤏🏾🤏🏾🤏🏾🤏🏾🤏🏾

“No listen, Sol. That man—” She pauses, reconsidering. “Boy. Let’s call a spade a spade—”

I LOVE LALA

And maybe with retrospect, I might see that that’s on me. That’s my fault. A stronger woman would have called him, but I’m not a strong woman. I think I’m actually quite a weak one when I’m backed against a wall.

same

“So how does someone compliment you, then?” he asks, and he’s asking it genuinely. “Properly, I mean.” Truthfully, that stumps me. “I don’t know, actually.” “Well.” He gives me this casual smile that feels like he’s a pool on a hot day. “—If you figure it out, I’d really love to give you one.”

Hot