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“If it’s any consolation”—Lala gives me what’s supposed to be an encouraging look—“I think I’d kill myself if you were my boyfriend’s mistress…”
“But what if—” “—No,” I cut him off. “No what ifs. I’m still here.” He goes quiet, just watches me. “Joah, you need to let it go. I myself am still learning every day to let it go, but it’s going to be so much harder if you’re holding on to it for me.”
Joah was drowning, he needed help, I could help, so I did. But at what cost? Me, I suppose. I’m the cost.


















































