Calm Parents, Happy Kids: The Secrets of Stress-free Parenting

by Laura Markham

Authoritative. The final parenting style is the one that Baumrind’s research showed raises the best-adjusted kids. Her authoritative – as opposed to authoritarian – parents offer their children lots of love and support, like the permissive parents. But they also hold high expectations, like the authoritarian parents. Age-appropriate expectations, of course – they aren’t expecting a three-year-old to clean her room by herself. But they may well be working with that three-year-old to help her clean up, over and over and over, so that by six she really can clean her room herself. These parents are involved – even demanding. They expect family dinners, lots of discussion straight through secondary school, good grades, responsible behaviour. But they also offer their children complete support to learn how to achieve these expectations. Importantly, these parents aren’t controlling like the authoritarian parents. They listen to the child’s side of things, they make compromises and they cede control where possible. Their kids, not surprisingly, stay close to them – they often describe one of their parents as the person they would most trust to talk to about a problem. These kids usually do well in school and they’re also the ones that teachers describe as responsible and well liked, simply nice kids who are a pleasure to have around.