Faith Shift: Finding Your Way Forward When Everything You Believe Is Coming Apart

by Kathy Escobar

have experienced a significant shift in my theology or faith perspective and find myself feeling disoriented and unsure.

I no longer believe God is angry and wants to punish me with pain (spiritual spanking, hell). I do not believe God only loves and died to save a limited group of people. I believe God will redeem all of creation. I believe the church advocating spanking children is abusive and I refuse to participate in a church that does support spanking. I believe women can be pastors, ministers, and the leaders of the family. I believe in a redemptive movement hermeneutic. I believe Jesus is the revelation of who God is, and Jesus shows that he is not about vengeance, retribution, or punishment.

I have a strong negative reaction to words, phrases, Bible passages, and worship songs that used to bring me comfort and peace.

I have a negative reaction to exclusive Christian language that put god in a box, like covenant children, penal-substitutionary atonement, predestined, elect, etc....

• I feel betrayed or abandoned by God.

I did feel this way when my mom was harassed during her divorce. I feel like I was always well behaved, compliant, and did what I was supposed to, and yet so much pain was allowed in my life, including an anxiety disorder, harm to my childhood sexual development, being spanked by my father on my bare butt with a belt or wood paddle, praying and feeling silence, etc....

I have lost respect for my pastors and leaders and no longer trust their leadership or authority.

I left my last church when the pastor talked about spanking his children with a paddle, and told the congregation that god needs to paddle us to bring us back when we stray. I distrust the church, and I am hesitant in churches until I feel they have gained my trust.

The truth is, growth and change are natural parts of our relationship with God. God invites us to be in motion, but often the faith systems we are part of don’t. Our changes can feel threatening to those who are used to our believing and behaving a particular way. A faith shift—what often feels like a failure or an end—can actually be a doorway to something more…something bigger and truer.

I want you to know it’s possible to survive a shifting faith and find life, hope, and freedom on the other side. Survival looks different for each of us, but we can indeed find our way. We can lose old beliefs without losing God. We can escape all we have once known and still enjoy a deep faith if we want one. We can shed theologies and emerge with new passion and purpose. We can find