Honeybee

by Trista Mateer

the

found

w...

and I am sorry

to

cut

l...

this

love

carnival ice cream cracked-cone

warmth

without

figure it

I count her by the bobby pins she left behind,

quick and over coffee.

I don’t think you

want to write God angry letters.

I want to throw myself at the mercy of your

I want to throw myself at the mercy of your unforgiving heart in the off chance that you might be here to poison me again when this alcoholinduced fairy finds somewhere else to spit magic and lousy feeling joy straight from the hands of Sorrow.

NAME I’m sorry.

i. It is as hard to be the one who goes as it is to be the one who stays.

It is okay to spend your grocery money on wine and hair dye. Sometimes you have to.

"But for now let me say, without hope or agenda, just because it’s Christmas- (and at Christmas you tell the truth)

We used to have philosophic pillow talk, damn it.

I swear this is the last one.

For some people, you will be too hard:

Mail your heart out on a postcard.

Sometimes I think I might always have a little bit of you stuck in my teeth, you might always have a little of my heart on your sleeve.

(like a little Play-Doh girl with her colors all mixed up),

Love that does not grow anymore is not love anymore.

Maybe I should have spent the last seven years stacking

up metaphors instead of making promises.

All I want to do is learn to smile at you and mean it before I cross the street to avoid you.

I hope I don’t have to tell you that I wish you joy and happiness.

But I will say it anyway, cause honey I may be tiny, but I have always been the bigger person. I will not apologize for the role I have played in getting us here, but I will forgive you for every painful or bitter thing you have done snd said so far. This can be the end, we can say goodbye here, and as much as the thought of that stings, I will take a deep breath and walk home backwards so as not to see you and your headstart. I hope youre happy in the arms that held you while I dried your tears and I wish you joy as you smike proudly beside this new Stranger disguised as a plaything for you.

And fingers crossed, I will not always love you.

She spent so much time, in good faith, looking for ways to fill me

“I Got A Letter From Your Sister” contains two quotations from Love Actually in italics.