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The weaker and stronger elements of the unit had melted and fused together to create something stronger than the sum of its parts. But here there was only yourself and your untrustworthy body, which seemed to be in the continual process of coming apart at the seams: burning, blistered feet gave way to aching shoulders and back, which were in turn overwhelmed by chafed thighs, freezing fingers and gasping, straining heart and lungs. Your body told you to stop, to lay down, to remove the dead weight on your back, but you fought the revolt down, tottered across the raging cold torrent, jiggered
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But I came to see that I had learned something valuable that most of my peers had not. I had explored the darkness which is half of every human existence. Shun it as one might, it still remains. In trying to distance themselves from violence, my new colleagues were performing that peculiarly human act of dehumanization which made all the bloodshed possible in the first place. For all their liberal ideals, they were no different. None of us is any different. We are all killers, more or less.

