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The other strange thing I discovered is that in death the person you have lost is revealed to you in a way they never could be in life.
Young people thinking about their lives and careers have very fixed ideas of success but as we grow older, that changes.
‘This is Dr Blah-Blah from the hospital. Your mother’s condition has deteriorated considerably. Are you able to come to see her?’ I felt the ground lurch beneath my feet. I had been there only a couple of hours earlier. How bad could she be? ‘Are you saying that I should come and see her?’ My heart was racing. ‘I can’t say that.’ ‘All right,’ I said, swallowing hard, trying to stay calm. ‘If she was your mother, would you come?’ ‘Yes, yes, I would.’ My world collapsed.
While I’ve become more comfortable in my own skin, Ireland too has grown in confidence. It seems to have realised that it can embrace the modern world without losing its identity or what makes it such a special place. In fact, by knowing more about the world, we have come to truly appreciate all the things we’re good at: the story telling, the craftsmanship, the music, the easy warmth.
There is always time to think during a fall. The wishing it hadn’t happened but most of all the hoping that the landing isn’t too bad.
Drugs have, of course, crossed my path from time to time but for me it has always been about the bottle. It’s easy to buy, I can consume it in public and it doesn’t involve hanging around street corners waiting for some Range Rover with blacked-out windows to pull up. In short, my anti-drug stance isn’t a moral one, it’s simply laziness.
Lives not lived are always so appealing.
Words don’t just communicate the dilemma; they define it and turn it into a fixed target ready to be dealt with.
The one thing I’m certain of is that I’m incapable of applying to myself any of the advice I dish out so freely. Often I blush as I reply to people who are in a similar situation to one I’ve experienced and I know I failed to do any of the sensible, sane things that I am now suggesting to a stranger.
Harrison Ford or Robert De Niro will never represent their country at the Chatting Olympics but our challenge is to put them on the couch with people they will enjoy so that they reveal themselves not through their own stories, but in how they react to the anecdotes and revelations of others.
One of the great joys of life is knowing that things change. Relish the happy times; endure the sad. For ever is a pointless fantasy. Everything comes to an end – the good, the bad and now, it seems, this book.
