Lean On Me: Finding Intentional, Vulnerable, and Consistent Community

by Anne Marie Miller

The infection was gone.

How?

you know when it ends

There can be so much help in knowing when it'll end, or even that it will end anything close to a Hallmark Channel movie.

You should have given up on me by now.

“Let me wash your feet. If you desire me, you will let me wash your feet.

Why do you still love me? How can anyone still love me? I feel so helpless.

I continued pushing away the love that was trying to envelop me, to be lavished on me. No . . . no . . . no . . . you can’t wash my feet. “I already did . . .

“Well, first pull up in the vacant lot across from my house. You’ll have flowers, of course. I’d also like some balloons but no yellow ones. I don’t like yellow. After the balloons, a bird release of some kind would be nice and while this is all happening, if you could get the Hope College marching band to play behind you while fireworks are going off, I think that’d work.

I shared how Kristi gave me a gift by going first. It’s always hard to go first but because she did, she gave me the gift of going second, when it’s just a little easier.

Without a father figure around, Tim wasn’t sure how to navigate growing into adulthood.

God gave him relief and the responsibility

redemption

The principle that we cannot give what we do not first receive works in reverse as we cannot receive what we do not give.

“Are you writing as boldly as you want? As unhinged as you want? I trust a hunch that may be totally inaccurate, but I think you’re holding back. If that’s true, or if it’s not, either way—the eggshells you hear breaking when you write are only in your head. The greatest thing you can offer us is your courage.

“Jesus was not a theologian. He was God who told stories.

redeeming my story

Joe Sewell,

Once I could believe I *could* belong, I desperately craved it.

This one's constant for me. I was raised believing people were/are expected to be independent of others.

Too much to note here.

I have lived in precisely 4 places in 52.5 years, in effectively 2 areas.

No, none of the places feel like what I would call home in the long run.

They definitely affect my ability to trust.

If someone betrays my trust, or shows that they never really trusted me for no good reason, I cannot commit to a vulnerable relationship with them.

The one we were a part of, with Kevin & Becky Womack, was awesome. People truly cared and we're willing to listen. The one with Steve Mugar was more intimidating to me, probably because Steve is more of a talker and far from a good listener.

It depends on the group. Those who are willing to listen are easier to be vulnerable with. Those who don't want to listen but would rather preach without understanding I find difficult to understand why I should be vulnerable.

Being attacked without hearing me out. Judgment without caring.

People who care enough to listen.

Absolutely! Both are still the best tools for manipulators.

Sadly, yes. Too often pastors, perhaps even well-meaning ones, go off on "obedience" to the point of fear from legalism.

"Lord, I am here. I cannot hide from You."

"Lord, only You can tell me."

Committed and vulnerable, though she sometimes find the vulnerability hard to handle

It depends on the family member. For Mom, C&V. For Johnny and Linda, C&V with a side of caution. Likewise for Dalton and Joy, Travis, and Michelle. Their other kids are less simply because I have never met them. For Ellie and her clan, I'm not sure. For Uncle Billy, neither C nor V, because he has proven himself less than trustworthy.

For all I can think of, definitely vulnerable. Not sure about committed after reading this book.

Again, it depends greatly on which acquaintance. I'd be far less vulnerable, for example, to a non-Christian coworker who has a big mouth and bigger ego.

Probably not, though I am unwilling to commit or be vulnerable any more than I am to anyone I can think of. Oh, sure, there are those with whom I'd like to reconnect, and perhaps change some of that, bit I don't think that's the point here.

More times than I want to think about.

I believe so, though I cannot think of any examples at the moment.

None that I can think of who don't already know it.

None that I can do anything about.

There are a few who seem to want to stir up or exacerbate a crisis, but otherwise, no.

I disagree with the general application of their findings. The statement is probably true in general, but I don't think it's the technology or other things that have caused it. Rather, it's the misuse of it that has caused the problems.

External changes that don't directly affect you (e.g., a change in the health of a family member) can be met with resistance, ignorant acceptance, or thoughtful adaptation. Many older people resist the changes technology brings. It works for some, but when they have to deal with, say, the new features of a television, resistance can lead to the new item being misused, misunderstood, or avoided. Ignorant acceptance can lead to addictions that a person might not be prepared to handle, such as too great a priority placed on answering texts. Thoughtful adaptation means learning about it, and finding how to use it to improve your life without it using you.

Absolutely! If I have too much on my mind, I cannot even form sentences, orally or in writing.

I've witnessed several. Some of them resulted in a stronger community, while others resulted in us leaving that community. Church issues, sad to say, seem to be efficient community destroyers.

Not off-hand.

into my life relationally.

Nothing that extreme, no. I have left church situations that became intolerable for me, but that wasn't quite what the question is addressing.

No. At least I don't associate it with any of those. More often than not leaving this weird thing called "accountability" has been a relief.

I cannot think of anyone other than my wife. Right now I know of no one whom I'd trust to listen to my thoughts on the matter before making a judgment. Well, Duncan would be an exception, if he could respond plainly and clearly.