The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship

by Jonathan D. Holmes

No longer will our friendships be situated merely around common circumstances or interests, but will instead become an embodied commitment to live out the image of God together in every area of our life.

Biblical friendship exists when two or more people, bound together by a common faith in Jesus Christ, pursue him and his kingdom with intentionality and vulnerability. Rather than serving as an end in itself, biblical friendship serves primarily to bring glory to Christ, who brought us into friendship with the Father. It is indispensable to the work of the gospel in the earth, and an essential element of what God created us for.

This begins to get to the core of the problem: our sinful desire for control. We want friendships on our timetable, our terms of agreement. We do not want friendships that would move us out of our comfort zone.

The bent of the human soul is always to seek out meaning and significance in relational substitutes.

Each step “forward” has made it easier, just a little, to avoid the emotional work of being present, to convey information rather than humanity.

The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”32

It ultimately works to further the glory of him who built into us a longing for both divine and human friendship. Biblical friends seek more than the friendship itself. In effect, the friendship is put into service for God’s glory.

When I reject the Bible’s counsel to speak truth in love, I will turn to flattery to try to maintain an appearance of friendship.

When an unmet expectation tempts you to anger, ask God for the grace to not simply react. Instead, seek to redeem that situation by recognizing it as an opportunity to overlook in love, believe the best about your friend(s), speak the truth in love, or pray fervently for them. Or maybe all four.

Jealousy kicks in when we start to focus, not on what God has called us to do or be, but on a perceived gap between ourselves and others.

At that point, our attention has shifted from obeying God to idolizing what we think someone else possesses. This can be almost anything—physical or spiritual gifts, material possessions, attainments, relationships, etc.

Jealousy grows out of our belief that what someone else has or seems to have would make us happy.

perseverance. But when jealousy controls our hearts, joy can be crowded out by bitterness, gratitude by anger, and perseverance by grasping.

Biblical friendship, in particular, is a fruit of the gospel that uniquely witnesses to a reality greater than this life and its daily challenges. More than any other relationship, biblical friendship demonstrates to the world a spiritual unity rooted in the supernatural.49

biblical friendships carry within them something greater and more awesome than you may have ever imagined. By demonstrating unity in a world characterized by division, they tell the story of the gospel in a way nothing else can.