The Good Samaritan

by John Marrs

Because when you’re not considered to be a threat, you can get away with much, much more.

The first rule is that I am the one in control.

My second rule is that a candidate must trust me because I know best.

I know how to jump from even a relatively low bridge or building and have the best possible chance of a fatal outcome – even a seven-storey plunge has a decent survival rate if you don’t get 60it right. I know the most effective painkillers and benzodiazepines to combine, and which countries export them with no questions asked. I know which DIY shops sell the strongest, best-quality ropes and I know the angle they need to be knotted. I know how to fatally land in water from a great height, and what length of a barrel to hack from what make of shotgun to stretch from mouth to trigger finger. I even know the best saw blades to use to cut it. I know how to properly secure a pipe to a car exhaust. I know how to suffocate and self-strangulate and the local bodies of water where riptides and sea tides will sweep you away no matter how strong your anchor. I know all of this because I am an expert.

This lady is honestly sick for this

The third rule is that a candidate must agree to do it within five weeks of our arrangement.

Number four is that they must leave most of the nitty-gritty work to me.

My fifth and final rule is that I demand just one thing in return for my efforts – transparency.

I liken it to putting livestock in the lushest pasture, feeding them the best grains and allowing them plenty of access to light and sun – do that and you will always have a better-tasting meat. For me, by really knowing what makes a candidate tick, their last breath will sound sweeter to me than any other sound in the world.

Remain below the radar and no one will ever see you for what you are.