Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You

by Amy J.L. Baker

If you examine the content of the negative messages, it usually boils down to some combination of the following: you’re unsafe, unloving, and unavailable. For example, if you get a speeding ticket, your ex may portray you as a reckless driver who’s likely to get your child into an auto accident. If you’re a mediocre cook, you may be described as someone who can’t be bothered to produce a decent meal for your child. If you arrive ten minutes late for pickup or drop-off, your ex may say that you obviously don’t love your child enough to come on time. If you arrive ten minutes early, he may say that you’re inconsiderate and unloving for rushing your child. This last example shows that there’s a negative way to view almost anything you do, such that pursuing time with your child is viewed as harassment and giving your child space is viewed as abandonment. If your ex is determined to turn your child against you, everything you do can—and probably will—be put in a negative light.