Court of Nightfall (The Nightfall Chronicles, #1)

by Karpov Kinrade

I'm a child, so people assume I know little of such things. But when you are young and free and happy, pain stands out all the more.

This world likes violence and winning. And I'm good at both.

To me, knowledge was power, and I wondered if that was why adults kept it from children, why patricians kept it from plebeians. Those with knowledge controlled those without, and I would not be controlled. If you were to ask me what I think now, I would tell you this: I still think knowledge is power, but I no longer think that power is always good.

Is it truly so difficult for people to live in honor of themselves and their own truths?

Give a fool a sliver of power and he will make himself a king. But he is still just a fool.

When I think of Jax that far away, my eyes turn watery. "It's a chance to learn what I need," he says. "And when I turn seventeen, I will apply to a Domus, I will make a difference. The dream you spoke of, I will make real." My words are slow and tender. Raw and so very breakable. "But in my dream we are together." "And we will be again,"

"We never talk about them." He looks into my eyes. "I thought I would lose you then. You shouldn't have lived. They sent you home to die. No one believed you would make it. But I did. I knew you would. You're strong. Stronger than anyone knows. Strong enough for what's ahead."

"We are both harder. Older than we should have to be," he says. "We live in a world that hardens people," I remind him. "We are like callused feet. If we walked through life with smooth skin, we'd tear apart our flesh. We need the hardness to survive." "Since when did thirteen-year-olds get this wise?" he asks, smiling. The smile fades quickly. He kisses the top of my head and stands. "You're right. It's necessary. I just hope it's worth it."

But I don't rush back in the house. Instead I watch the dust swirl in the early morning breeze. From ashes we are made, to ashes we return.

I want to be one of them, not because I crave power, but because I fear weakness. It is the way I have always been; I cannot be weak. The price is too high.

"I know I lied to you, Scarlett. I know you don't trust me right now, and that's okay. But please know that our relationship has never been a lie. My feelings for you, even the ones I… I haven't been able to express, they have never been a lie. I won't let anything happen to you. I swear it on my life."

I don't think about his lies, his alter-identity. I don't think about what our future will be or what I'll do tomorrow. I just cling to my friend, to the person I've grown up with, to the only one who knows me inside and out. I cling to him as my heart breaks, and he gives me his strength even as he mourns with me. Even as his tears mingle with mine. Even as the water chills... still we sit there, embraced in our shared grief.

Then the memories came crashing in, and reality destroyed that briefest of peace.

Trust what's in your heart, little Star. No one else knows the right path for you but you.

Remember, little Star, if you look like you know what you're doing, people will assume you do.

"I see your pain in the eyes of all who come here. Each one has lost something dear: a home, a lover, a child. They are but walking shells, and the world outside them a dream. They forget who they are, for all they know is rage. But in the end, their grief fades, their anger subsides, and they wish they had never forgotten."

Pain. So much bloody pain. It doesn't hit me all at once. Instead, it curls around me like a lover and then squeezes like a snake. I'm breathless from it. I feel it reaching out, extending past my physical body, as if the air around me is also hurting.

"You look untouched by this world. As if you are a creature of the heavens, and by some cruel fate, you have been shackled here on earth."

His voice pulls me from my memories. "I'm fine," I say sharply. "We need to regroup." I stand, dusting off my cloak, and walk past him, back toward the light. My broken hand already healing. If only my heart were so resilient.

"The only ones we can lose are ourselves. We can lose the dream we once had, but we can still remember. Remember, Jaxton Lux. Remember who you are."

There's a sick pleasure in watching something beautiful burn. That's the illness in human nature, that we revel in destruction.

I am the keeper of secrets and the teller of lies. I am the shadow of death and the bringer of light. I will become a Knight of the First, and the Orders will crumble.