The Intruder

by Freida McFadden

I love sleeping alone—always have. I love stretching out over the entire bed and making little sheet angels on the mattress. I don’t need anyone hogging the covers or snoring. I feel sorry for all those poor souls who have to share their beds every night.

no fr this is one the biggest things i like about being single 😭

I’ll do what I do every night, which is read one of my many books. I own several shelves worth, but every few weeks, I drive into town to the local library across the street from the general store, and I swap out about a dozen titles. I can read a book every other day.

was me before my slump

anyway, it’s better if I don’t have friends, because if I did, they might want to come to my house.

oh i don’t like how i related to this

The bread is stale and the turkey tastes a little funny too, but none of them were puffy, so I guess I’m eating it. Brittany Carter and her friends are at the next table over. I didn’t even notice them over there. Brittany is eating a school lunch, which is hot dogs and beans today. The hot dogs smell really good. I wish there were a way I could have that instead of this yucky turkey sandwich.

And this is why kids should get free lunch

If I knew what was wrong with it, wouldn’t I have done it correctly the first time?

real

The second the police came into this house, they would take me away from my mother. And I don’t want that. My mom isn’t the best mother in the world, but I don’t want to get taken away from her. I don’t want to live with some pervy foster dad who is always groping at me. Or somebody who beats me for real.

i hate that this is the reality for a lot of kids

I decide not to bother her while she’s eating. A lot of animals don’t like to be disturbed when they’re in the middle of a meal, and right now, I’m going to put this girl into that category.

Me

This is a girl who has been burned—literally—by adults. She doesn’t trust me because I’m one of them. And I can’t even blame her. Kids are so vulnerable, and when the most important adult in your life betrays you, it’s hard to ever come back from that.

YES MAAM

Maybe if I can get him in and out really quick, he won’t notice. Oh, who am I kidding? He’d have to be blind and stupid not to notice. I should have just let him get stabbed.

Real

He holds it out to me, offering me a drag, but I shake my head. The thought of smoking a cigarette makes me physically ill.

“You’re smart too.” “Nah.” He avoids my eyes. “I’m really not.” “Everyone’s brain works differently. Just because the teachers don’t explain stuff to you in a way you understand it, that doesn’t mean you’re not smart.”

only children think to fetch an adult to help them sleep. As an adult, you just lie in bed, struggling with your insomnia and trying to stave off your own dark thoughts alone.

and take trazodone

“It sounds awful to me. What do people like that do anyway? They probably just sit around discussing books they like.”

and what’s wrong with that 🤨

“You got me a present?” I try not to sound as shocked as I feel. “No.” His voice is defensive. “I mean, it’s just…it’s something I saw and thought of you, so I bought it. For you.” That’s literally the definition of a present.

i lol’d

When we get to the front of the line, where we pay at the cash register prior to getting a hot lunch, Brittany and Meredith hand over their money to Glenda, the lunch lady. Then Glenda looks at me. “Uh…” I check my pockets, even though I know I don’t have anything in them.

again, THIS IS WHY KIDS SHOULD GET FREE LUNCH

it’s hard for him not to get into fights because he has something called “bad pulse control.” I don’t really know what it means exactly, and Anton wasn’t entirely sure either. I know your pulse is like your heartbeat though. So does that mean there’s something wrong with Anton’s heart? He seems healthy to me.

boutta tell my kids they have bad pulse control when they’re being impulsive

Yes, you can kill somebody with a knife, but it’s not nearly as easy as it is with a gun. And now she has both, thanks to yours truly.

“All men are awful anyway,” my mother goes on, sniffing haughtily as she turns to face me in the hallway. “Better to stay away from them completely—that’s my advice. They act like they want to be with you forever, but as soon as they get what they want, they take off.”

“Sometimes people promise things and don’t mean it, but when you make an infinity promise, you have to keep it forever.” He looks me in the eyes. “And I want you to know that I infinity promise I will always be around to take care of you.”

it turns out those knives on the kitchen counter were useful after all. What can I say? I am a sucker for child abusers getting what they deserve.

i’m here for it