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“Smells like garbage here,” I say through a laugh. “I think there’s sewage nearby. Nothing to phone home about.” “Well…except you did.” I can picture the teasing at the edge of her lips. God, I can imagine how beautiful it is. Home. I smile to myself even though she can’t see me—especially because she can’t see me. I grin. “I guess I did, huh?”
I stare up at the starry ceiling in Emily’s bed. Leonardo DiCaprio stares back. I avert my eyes to the clock on the side table. It’s one in the morning. I’ve been awake since Michelle came in at eleven, but I haven’t moved an inch. Just me and Leo.
“My burden in life is to bake for everyone.”
How could he, at any point, think I don’t have feelings for him? I have feelings. Happiness. Longing. Frustration.
I love him. I love him. Sarcastic, floppy-haired Clifford Burke. I love the man I—damn it—set up with my sister. The man who told me he’s sorting through his feelings for me, and I was too stubborn to address them. The man who called me in a panic when he lost his girls. The man who depended on me, who gave me a bed under his roof, even when we hadn’t talked for days. I love this man.
“I want you to be happy and—” His next words almost come out in a whisper. “Have you ever thought I might be happy with you?” I tense, taking in a shaky breath. “You can’t mean that.” “I almost wish I didn’t.” “But you said—” “I say so many things that I don’t know what comes out of my mouth half the time,” he says. “But you do…you make me happy. So, there. I’m stuck in my own damn head with thoughts of you that I can’t get rid of. So, what do I do? Huh? What do I do?”
“You’re lashing out at me because you’re scared. That’s why you came over. You’re scared of being happy for one single second.” He inhales, swallowing and staring at me with a pointed look. “And maybe you’re even scared of…of falling in love again.”
“God, I like you so much. I like you when you lash out. I like you when you come up with a thousand reasons to hate me.” He cocks his head to the side. “And when you run to my house to tell me all those reasons. And even when you put up so many walls that even God can’t break them down.”
And it hits me. I love this woman. I don’t know when it happened. It slipped over me so softly, like the changing of seasons. The seeping scent of baked bread first thing in the morning. A wistful sigh on a perfect fall day.
I love Michelle. I’ve loved her for far too long. She’s complicated. Difficult sometimes. She tastes like caramelized sugar and cinnamon and all the layers of flavors in between.
But with Cliff, it’s…easy. It’s respect, accented with adoration. It’s flannels instead of suits. It’s not going to fancy parties; it’s playing in the snow.
God, she’s intoxicating, and she’s mine. For some reason, this quiet, closed-off woman chose me.
“Are you gonna sit here until I talk?” she asks through chattering teeth. “No. I’m gonna sit here until you want to go back inside. Doesn’t matter if you wanna talk or not. You’re not freezing to death alone out here.” “I won’t freeze to death,” she insists. “And what if those are your last words?” “I’m gonna be fine.” “I won’t even be able to say I told you so.” “That’s because I’ll be the one saying I told you so,” she counters. “How? You’ll be dead.”
“Cliff. And might I say, you are an absolutely stunning woman.” Shake. “Someone told me that once.” He laughs through a bitten lip. “Well, you should be told every minute of your life.” Shake. “You’re funny,” I say. “Not a single person has told me that.” Shake. “You should be told that every minute of your life,” I whisper back.
I wonder if it’s true. If I’m the only woman who sees him for the man he is. Funny and sarcastic, but selfless and good. And I wonder if he was made for me, if he’s the only man who will ever see me. I don’t believe in destiny or stars, but I have to believe Cliff’s constellation would align right beside mine.
He’s so calm when I’m simply not. But that’s who Cliff is; he’s the glue keeping me together. He has been since day one.
“I love you.” “You love me?” And there’s relief, sadness, then disbelief. I smile even wider. “I love you, Cliff.” He exhales, his face going slack as he cups my jaw. “Oh, thank God.” And then he kisses me.
“I’m Michelle,” I say. “It’s nice to meet you.” Shake. “God, you’re beautiful,” he says. “I actually think I might love you.” “I think I might love you too.” Shake.
“I love you—you know that?” “You can tell me every minute of my life.”
I search his eyes—the blue eyes that I saw from across the chapel. A man I knew before I even met him. A man who loves me in the same way I love him. For exactly who we are. Flaws and all.
Funny Guy says stuff that makes My Girl laugh, and I love it when she laughs. When I first met her, she didn’t laugh at all. She was really quiet. There was some other person with her, but he left, and I barely remember him now. All I know is that I took care of her, and she took care of me, and now we sit outside every day and are happy, and that’s really great. As long as I have My Girl and as long as Funny Guy makes her laugh, I can’t complain. Not one bit.
