More Than Two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory

by Eve Rickert

Is my partner asking me to give up control of my autonomy, my body or my emotions? Am I being asked to consent to something in a way that I can't later withdraw my consent? Am I afraid to say I may need to leave this relationship? Am I afraid to say no or to disagree with my partner? Is someone threatening my well-being, safety or livelihood? Are decisions about my actions or access to my body being made without my involvement or consent? Am I being asked to participate in, or be complicit in, something I consider dishonest or unethical? Does my partner make me feel worse about myself? Am I being asked to give up relationships with friends or family? Do I feel I have no expectation of privacy in my other relationships? Do I feel that my partner considers me inferior to him or to his other partners? Am I asked to "respect" my partner or her other partners, but feel that this respect is not reciprocated? Am I afraid to express my boundaries? Do I feel they won't be respected? Am I treated as an adjunct to, or as an extension of, my partner's other relationships, rather than as a person in my own right?