More Than Two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory

by Eve Rickert

Here is a partial list of things that will likely be seen as creepy or intrusive (all of which we've seen or experienced): Spying on your partner or her interactions with your metamours, such as reading her email, monitoring her social media, reading her text messages or listening to her phone calls. Eavesdropping on other aspects of your partner's other relationships, for example by checking up on his whereabouts or monitoring his activities. Calling, texting or otherwise being needy whenever your partner is on a date. Emergencies happen, and many people like to prearrange check-ins so they know their partners are safe. But beyond that, a habit of constant contact with a partner who's with someone else can quickly become intrusive. Oversharing or asking inappropriately intimate questions of a metamour. "Appropriate" is a relative term, and different people have different boundaries around their personal lives. Still, it's good form to pay attention and back off if you're starting to make your metamour uncomfortable. Copying a metamour in any way that's not invited or consensual, such as adopting their style of dress, makeup or fragrances, or giving similar gifts, or doing similar activities with a partner (if you're doing it because that's what your metamour did, not because that's something you too enjoy). Turning up uninvited to places you know your partner will be with your metamour. Expecting to be included in all their activities, especially intimate ones. Disclosing...