You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity

by Francis Chan

Eternal-mindedness keeps us from silly arguments. There’s no time to fight. We have better things to pursue than our interests. Too much is at stake! God created us for a purpose. We can’t afford to waste our lives. We can’t afford to waste our marriage by merely pursuing our own happiness.

In a truly healthy relationship, we enable each other to accomplish more than we could have done alone. This was His plan.

Christians in America have become experts at conviction—and failures at action.

Sometimes people are paralyzed by fear of failure. They are so afraid that they might do the wrong thing that they do nothing. We need to learn to err on the side of action, because we tend to default to negligence.

One reason we don’t err on the side of action is the harsh criticism we receive when we fail. People are quick to point out action that ends badly. But we rarely recognize the sin of omission.

You don’t want to be the servant who does nothing out of fear of messing up. You may well make a mistake through misguided action, but you’re guaranteed to make a mistake by doing nothing.

This may come as a shock, but Jesus taught that marriages on earth don’t carry over into heaven.

We all need to prioritize our eternal relationship with our Creator above all things. Besides, until you relate properly to God, you won’t be much help to anyone else. People who aren’t living well make matters worse by living together.

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” (Matthew 7:13-14)

Again, our marriage problems are not really marriage problems. They are heart problems. They are God problems. Our lack of intimacy with God causes a void that we try to fill with the frailest of substitutes. Like wealth or pleasure. Like fame or respect. Like people. Like marriage.

Few would deny that marriages are destroyed by selfishness. At times, we all over-value our own pursuits while ignoring the desires of God and others. But we can’t cure our narcissism by trying to ignore ourselves.

Sincere and concentrated prayer will do infinitely more than any human strategy for a happy marriage. “The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” (James 5:16).

And Christ-likeness may be especially important

in our marriages because marriage is such a powerful way to display the gospel and the glory of God. It is the first place people will look to see if we really believe what we say we believe. Someone can have a dynamic speaking gift, or generously give to anyone in need, or appear to know a lot of Scripture, but if they have a terrible marriage, it raises questions. How can he treat his wife that way? Why is she so disrespectful to her husband? They obviously do not believe what they claim to believe. It should burden us deeply that many of our marriages paint the gospel in a bad light.

Marriage is one of the most humbling, sanctifying journeys you will ever be a part of. It forces us to wrestle with our selfishness and pride. But it also gives us a platform to display love and commitment.

People need to see God in you, as you love your spouse.

We need a fundamental shift in our thinking about what is at stake in the way we live our lives and the way we live out our marriages.

Draw close to Him and let your marriage be the overflow of that. When things are right with God, your marriage can actually become what it was designed to be. Peace comes when both parties come to an agreement. Agree on God—agree on His holiness and the supremacy He deserves in your lives.

The story of this elderly couple appeals to us because we were designed for relationship.

So much of the pleasure we find in life comes in the context of healthy relationships.

There’s no sense in improving your marriage until you are secure with God.

Turn from your old way of life and follow Him, living in light of eternity.

This period where the Spirit of God dwells within believers is not a cheap substitute for the temple or Jesus. If anything, Scripture teaches that we have it better than the believers before us. God is not just with us, He is in us! This is why people shake their heads in disbelief when they hear Christians claim such power yet display such weak and unloving marriages.

Each of us plays a tiny but significant role. Our marriages also play a significant role in His great plan. We are called to paint such an attractive picture of marriage that it causes people to long for the coming marriage with Jesus. God calls us to display the love and humility of Christ through our marriages.

In fact, displaying the gospel is the point of the church—the church exists to put God’s attributes on display. We can talk about the forgiveness of Christ, but in the church we demonstrate the forgiveness of Christ. Jesus washed the disciples’ feet, then He turned and told them to do the same (John 13:14–15). We are to imitate the actions of Jesus so that the world can see Him. Consider this: the phrase “one another” is mentioned 59 times in the New Testament. Fifty-nine times, the writers of the New Testament give us commands that we cannot obey without turning to another member of the church and demonstrating the character of God. It’s impossible to “one another” yourself; it’s impossible to “one another” in your heart. These “one another” commands require us to demonstrate the gospel with others.

I am so quick to say that I want to be Christ-like. My mind immediately thinks of His love, kindness, healings, and teachings—all things I long to exemplify. But I am struck by everything else it means to be Christ-like: humility, sacrifice, forgiveness, and suffering. These are things that are hard to exemplify, things that we often avoid.

Claiming to be a Christian means nothing if I don’t embrace everything it means to be Christ-like.

Weakness should cause us to surrender to Christ in a way we never have before, to cry out to the One who has also known weakness, who has been tempted in every way, who knows the pull to give up, to move on, to pursue His own way.

His humility is the key to a healthy marriage. If two people make it their goal to imitate the humility of Christ, everything else will take care of itself. It really is that simple. Arguments escalate when we want to be right more than we want to be Christ. It is easy to get blinded in the heat of disagreements. Soon, all we want is to win, even if victory requires sin. The one who wins the argument is usually the one who acts less like Christ.

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We live in a time when most people distrust and dislike authority, and it spills over into an unwillingness to submit to the lordship of Jesus. I often wonder how much of that is a direct result of the ugliness of so many “Christian” marriages. And I also wonder if that would change if our marriages were beautiful portrayals of this passage.

1. When we submit, we are respectfully submitting to a God-given position, and not perfection.

In other words, our husbands are going to make mistakes. They will not always “deserve” to be the leader in our eyes, but God will always deserve our obedience to Him in this way. And since the command to submit comes from God, our submission is ultimately to Him. 2. Only our submission to God should be absolute. We are not meant to submit to our husbands if they ask us to sin (get drunk, lie, cheat on taxes, watch pornography, etc.). “We must obey God rather than human beings!” (Acts 5:29, NIV). 3. We are designed to help our husbands, and to accomplish so much more together! God decided that it was “not good” for the man to be alone, so He created a helper fit for Adam (Gen. 2:18). Embrace your God-given role. Give your husband the benefit of your insight, wisdom, and perspective. But also give him the freedom to move and lead in the direction he feels God is leading. 4. There is no safer place to be than in the will of God. If we know God has asked us to submit to our husbands, we follow God in that, even though we may be fearful. Ultimately, more women find themselves fighting against God rather than their husbands. And that’s a big reason why so many women are completely miserable. God has carefully crafted every aspect of marriage, and we need to learn to trust Him. 5. The biblical concept of submission does not put your husband in the place of God. If a woman finds herself being subjected to abuse, she shouldn’t hesitate to involve the authorities that can hold her ...

Imagine a marriage—or any relationship, for that matter—where both parties are trying desperately to “outdo one another in showing honor” (Rom. 12:10).

You should really spend the rest of your life and the rest of your marriage trying to live more humbly and more sacrificially with respect to the people around you.

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Unity is the natural result of two people following one Spirit in a life devoted to the mission.

We have to stop being so fearful about everything and start trusting that God knows what He is doing.