Ignite Me (Shatter Me, #3)

by Tahereh Mafi

My eyes are filling fast with tears and I blink and blink but the world is a mess and I want to laugh because all I can think is how horrible and beautiful it is, that our eyes blur the truth when we can’t bear to see it.

“I am going to kill your father,”

“and I’m going to destroy The Reestablishment.”

He’s still s...

“I w...

“I k...

he ...

“Then why are you laughi...

“I’m not,” he says softly. “I’m only wondering,” he says, “if you...

He steps forward. “The first,” he says, “is that I hate my father more than you might ever be capable of understanding.” He clears his throat. “Second, is that I am an unapologetically selfish person, who, in almost every situation, makes decisions based entirely on self-interest. And third.” A pause as he looks down. Laughs a little. “I never had any intention of using you as a weapon.” Words have failed me. I sit down.

There’s a strange kind of freedom in the dark; a terrifying vulnerability we allow ourselves at exactly the wrong moment, tricked by the darkness into thinking it will keep our secrets. We forget that the blackness is not a blanket; we forget that the sun will soon rise. But in the moment, at least, we feel brave enough to say things we’d never say in the light.

“Come back to life, love. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

I am no longer afraid of fear, and I will not let it rule me. Fear will learn to fear me.

Words, I think, are such unpredictable creatures. No gun, no sword, no army or king will ever be more powerful than a sentence. Swords may cut and kill, but words will stab and stay, burying themselves in our bones to become corpses we carry into the future, all the time digging and failing to rip their skeletons from our flesh.

I’d rather be shot dead screaming for justice than die alone in a prison of my own making.”

Warner is here.

“Do you never get exhausted being so wholly unbearable? You have as much charisma as the rotting innards of unidentified roadkill.”

Kenji drops an arm around me. Rubs my shoulder to keep me warm. “So,” he says. “When’s the big day? Have you set a date yet?” “What?” I startle. “For what?” “For the day you’re going to stop being such a dumbass,” he says, shooting me a sharp look.

“Good for you. I’ll buy you a balloon the minute the world stops shitting on itself.”

“I don’t want to do this without you,” I whisper.

He leans back. “Who said you’re going to do anything without me?”

“I’m here for you, kid. That’s what friends are for.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you that isn’t already wrong with me,” I say quietly. “And if I were smart I’d first figure out how to fix myself.” We’re both silent awhile. The tension is so thick in this small space.

“I don’t care what anyone else says about you,” I tell him. “I think you’re a good person.”

All I know is that whatever this is, I never felt it with Adam.”

And we are quotation marks, inverted and upside down, clinging to one another at the end of this life sentence. Trapped by lives we did not choose. It’s time, I think, to break free.

“I love you,” I whisper. “I love you exactly as you are.” Warner is looking at me like he might be going deaf and blind at the same time. “No,” he gasps. One broken, broken word. Barely even a sound. He’s shaking his head and he’s looking away from me and his hand is caught in his hair, his body turned toward the table and he says “No. No, no—” “Aaron—” “No,” he says, backing away. “No, you don’t know what you’re saying—” “I love you,” I tell him again. “I love you and I want you and I wanted you then,” I say to him, “I wanted you so much and I still want you, I want you right now—”

“Ignite, my love. Ignite.”

“Juliette, love,” he says to me, still holding my eyes. “You have just started a war.”

Words are like seeds, I think, planted into our hearts at a tender age.

We’re suited up, armed, and highly caffeinated. I hear the sound of a gun being reloaded. Spin around. Warner is looking at me. It’s time to go.

Twice. Once for Adam. Once for Warner.

“I am Juliette Ferrars, and I will lead this nation. I challenge anyone who would stand against me.”

“Aaron,” I whisper. He pulls me into his arms. And I fall. Every bone, every muscle, every nerve in my body comes undone at his touch and I cling to him, holding on for dear life. “You know,” he whispers, his lips at my ear, “the whole world will be coming for us now.” I lean back. Look into his eyes. “I can’t wait to watch them try.”