Breathe With Me (Playing For Keeps #5)

by Becka Mack

Listen, I don’t sport. Everyone knows I don’t sport.

Lmaoooo

“Listen.” I set my wine down and peek out the door to gauge how ready they are for the auction. “I don’t get on my knees for no⁠—” Oh. Oh, Jesus. Jesus fucking fuckballs.

HAHA

“Ah. I see you’ve caught the eye of our favorite left-winger.” I don’t see what politics has to do with this,

Shes so real for this

“Emmett Brodie, at your service, my queen.”

“My, you’re eager. Aren’t you going to ask my name first?” “Nah. Already know it.” With a perfect, wide grin, Emmett Brodie deposits his phone into my hand. It’s opened to the New Contact page, except the name field has already been filled out. Mrs. Brodie.

So yeah this book isgoing to kill me

“C’mon, Mrs. Brodie. The quicker we get through the formalities, the quicker we get to the fun stuff, like my ring on your finger and you in my bed for the rest of our lives.”

Omg hes so smooth

“Mhmm. For another two minutes, at least. New Year’s baby, freshly twenty-seven. Feels a lot like the first day of my life, though.”

“Happy birthday,” I breathe, heart pounding at the feel of him pressed against me, his fingers dancing down my hair. “What did you get?” His palm settles in the curve of my lower back, his whisper pressed to my ear. “You.”

Emmett Brodie waits there, head down, gripping the doorframe.

My chest heaves, heart hammering. “This dress is a masterpiece,” I barely breathe. “Nah.” His lips ghost along my jaw, pausing at my ear. “It’s you who’s the masterpiece.”

“Because my heart stopped when I saw you. Because when you turned to walk away, my body said I think the fuck not.”

“Because never in my life have I felt the way I feel right now, inside you, like I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. I don’t know why, but I know every time I look at you…brain just keeps screaming mine.”

That’ll be the second-best day of my life, right after the day I make you my wife.”

My gaze lifts to Emmett’s, and the love, empathy, and patience shining there is the only thing that brings my racing heart back to a steady thump. That’s my husband. At my side every step of the way.

I was unstoppable before Emmett. With him, I’m indestructible.

“Don’t let the voices win,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to mine. “They don’t know you the way I do. They don’t know your fight. My loud girl doesn’t let anyone else dictate the rules. Me and you, Care? We build our own rules.” Another kiss, soul-crushing and certain. This one breathes the life back into me. I was unstoppable before Emmett. With him, I’m indestructible.

Im already crying omg

Because the thing about family is that we all need each other at one point or another.

THREE AND A HALF YEARS AGO: THE DAY AFTER THE FIRST DAY OF MY LIFE

Stop it right now im balling

“I don’t need to know everything about you to want to date you. Getting to learn you is gonna be half the fun.”

“I’m going to marry you, Cara. I see my future as clear as day.” “Yeah? What’s it look like?” Emmett cups my cheek, resting his forehead against mine. “It looks like you.”

“Happy birthday, baby.” “Happy New Year, firefly. Last year was the best year of my life because I spent it with you. I can’t wait to spend all of them with you.”

A deep breath. A clear head. A calm heart. A steady hand. That’s always been him, hasn’t it?

“I’m twenty-eight years old today, Cara, and I swear to God, my life didn’t begin until a year ago, when I met you. All I want to do is keep living it with you.

Hope, in the face of infertility, is by far the most exhausting, isolating, soul-crushing emotion I have ever, ever felt.

“I don’t care what you wear, darling. But the world loses so much when your smile is gone. Feel what you need to feel. Just remember who you are through all of this. Don’t let anyone or anything steal that from you.”

Loving myself has always come so naturally to me, because it’s how I was raised. And yet when I look down at my hands, the way they tremble, I’m reminded that I’ve been watching myself slip through my fingers for months now, struggling to hang on to what makes me who I am.

“I’m wherever you are, Cara. Always.”

“We’re watching Tangled, because Lily said Rapunzel is super strong and super beautiful, like Auntie Cara.”

This would be my last straw

I don’t know who’s the first to wrap themselves around us. All I know is that one moment we’re standing here, barely holding it together, and the next, we’re not holding it together at all. But it’s okay. Because maybe we don’t need to hold it together when we have them holding us up.

“I hope they have your heart, whoever they are.” But as he sits at my side in the clinic, one hand covering my thigh while the other holds mine, dotting each knuckle with a kiss, I hope, whoever they are, that they have his.

Emmett has always told me that the quiet confidence he exudes comes from the pride he feels at being with me. That at my side, he feels capable of conquering anything. Unstoppable.

“Do you hear me, Cara? I was existing before you. But since you? Since you, I’ve been living.”

You aren’t whole, but you aren’t meant to be. You’re broken. And the beautiful thing about being broken? There’s so much more space for the light to shine in. And in that light, you get to rebuild yourself however the fuck you want to.”

“Breathe, baby. Breathe with me. Because I can’t breathe without you.”

Cara is different, like she was yesterday, and the day before that. Like she’ll be tomorrow, and every day after that. Because she’s versatile, ever-changing, releasing what no longer serves her, and molding what does into something that fits her. I will love every version of her, always. Her soul will always be hers, and it’ll always be tied to mine.

“I love you,” I whisper, my thumb sweeping over her lower lip as she slips her hands over my chest, around my neck. “Strip it away, all of it, right down to your bones. The bold, the mouthy, the happy, the strong. I’ve spent this life loving those pieces of you, and I’m going to love every piece in between, too. The scared, the quiet, the sad, and the tired. There isn’t a version of you I’m not going to love, because I love you, Cara. Right down to your bones.”

“Thank you for being my best friend, Jennie. I love you, and I’m so honored to walk you into this new chapter.”

im sobbing again but whats new

I open the drawer where we keep our markers, pick the pink one, and draw a big heart on the mirror, right around Cara’s reflection. My favorite view, I scrawl before tossing the marker back in the drawer and rinsing my mouth. I tap her nose, right where it’s scrunching, and press a kiss to one pink cheek before I tow her to bed, fluffing her pillows via karate chop.

I met my soulmate when I was three months shy of eighteen. Five foot one, dark chocolate curls piled on her head, lugging a box nearly bigger than her, yet still managed to donkey-kick the man behind her right in the balls when he asked her if she could move her short legs any faster. It was her brother.

It’s wild how you can be surrounded by people your entire life, only to meet a single person and suddenly realize you’ve gone all those years never knowing what true friendship feels like.

I don’t think I ever answered the question, truthfully. I did what I seem to do best these days: burst into tears.

Me too girl

think of heartbreak like it’s the end, and I know it feels like that in the moment. But the older I get, the more I look back at all my old heartbreaks and realize they were just the beginning. Another door opening, a chance for us to know ourselves better than we ever did before.

You’re enough.

So, yeah, is it going to be easy? Fuck no. But with Cara, nothing has ever felt impossible.

Sweet and salty? I could fuck with that in a heartbeat. And Jaxon likes anything I like. Jaxon Not true, wtf????

“Cara?” “Yeah, buddy?” “Dinosaurs don’t protect other dinosaurs.” “They don’t?” “No. They only protect themselves. They don’t think about anybody else.” He turns over, a quiet sigh and the ruffle of his blankets filling the air. Right before I shut the door, he whispers, “That’s why my Cara is not a dinosaur.”

MY HEART

“Absolutely. It hurts, and it’s allowed to. It might hurt for a while, and maybe forever. But one day you’ll look back and realize those were never your people. Not the right ones. The right ones don’t hurt you in unforgivable ways.”

“It’s worth a shot. Chasing your dreams always is. If there’s one person you should never, ever give up on, it’s yourself.”

Love yourself enough to chase it. Love yourself enough to know that the only person who determines your worth is you. Love yourself enough, value yourself so much, that giving up? It’s no longer an option. Sometimes the only voice cheering you on is your own, so it should always be the loudest.”

“My Cara, um, my Cara said that we is gonna go to your hockey tonight. Did you know? I—I… I gonna be there, so if you get scared while you is skating, you can come to give me a hug, and then you will feel better, right?”