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To all the people-pleasing girls who grew into women afraid of setting boundaries. May you find the courage to draw them, and the love that says yes to you anyway.
The problem with being a chronic people-pleaser who hates conflict is that life is nothing but constant conflict.
Intimate relationships are, as my therapist Zeina loves to say, a constant negotiation of boundaries. But when you’re scared to set those boundaries, you can’t have intimate relationships. Not without bending over so far it’s practically a yoga pose.
You only see relationships as taking from you. You bend, because you’ve been taught that if you don’t, a relationship will break. It won’t.
You can say yes and then change your mind. You can say no and not have it kill you. Or them. You can negotiate boundaries and compromise.
“Fake or real, you’re mine,” I say. The words feel better than they should. “Take my card next time.”