Saving the Rain (Crimson Ridge #4)

by Elliott Rose

The first thought that crossed my mind when I found out my ex had hooked up with my father? Relief. A bone-deep, lengthy, drawn-out exhale, knowing that Layla had found someone better than me. Because while my dad might be a self-professed grouchy asshole, I was nothing more than a cheater and an alcoholic. Kayce Wilder. Douchebag and endless screw-up.

Blue eyes widen comically when he sees me standing there, and it feels like that fateful moment he appeared out of the darkness beside the bonfire all over again. Like this kid is a bad smell I can’t shake. He keeps turning up where I don’t bloody well need him to be.

“You’re looking a little fried under the collar there, snowflake. Sure you don’t need to run on home? Let the big boys handle things here today.” “Stop treating me like a little kid.” Another shrug is all I get. “When you quit bitching like one. Then, I’ll consider it.” “Jesus. You’re insufferable, you know that?” I lift my hat off my head and stab fingers through my hair. “Don’t trip over your big words, boy.” “Does Beau know you’re out here being a prize assjacket?” “Only for you. Now I know how it gets you all hot and bothered, I’ll save it up especially.” He chuckles, a deep noise that makes my guts do an uncomfortable flop. “Since it looks like we’ll be running into each other more often...” “Just stop.” I shove my hat back on and level him with a glare. “I’ve got crap to do, and this is stupid.” “Quit turning up where you’re not wanted.” His dark gaze narrows on mine. I can’t help the wry laugh that bursts out. “That’s mighty rich.” I spread my arms and look around at the peaceful ranch and mountains—the sight of golden leaves fluttering on the breeze, a canvas of orange and burnt umber decorating the slopes of the hills and ridges surrounding us—and then turn back to him. “Coming from the guy who turned up in my town.” “Hmmm. Doesn’t it just rub you all kinds of wrong that I’ve been here two minutes and already got myself a nice little warm welcome?” Raine stares at me, and then his tongue runs a slow line across his bottom lip. “She tasted pretty damn sweet too.”

“Like I said, I didn’t do that for you. I did that for me, so I don’t have to haul your ass to a medical center at this time of night.” I step closer. “All because you’re too much of a loser to make good decisions.” With a click of my tongue, I take in the way his eyes narrow in response, his chest rising and falling faster now. “Don’t fucking flatter yourself. I wouldn’t ask for your help if you were the last person on earth.” He spits the words out. “You can’t even make a good choice while sober. Doubt anything’s changed. Like you’d know how to get through a single day without relying on everyone else to pick up the pieces for you.” His face hardens. “Screw you. Prick.” Tension hangs thick in the air between the two of us, with the fire cracking and popping to fill the momentary silence. “Take your sorry ass home, Wilder.” I back up, shaking my head at him as I prepare to walk away. “Unless your goal is to come last the next time you compete, then by all means, hang out here choking on a lungful of smoke. I bet Chaos will be laughing all the way to that next winner’s podium.”

Fuck my miserable life; I’ve definitely got worse Daddy issues than I thought if seeing him wear his cap backward leaves me feeling a certain way.

“I won’t be competing.” His Adam’s apple dips, and his eyes are lowered, unfocused, hovering somewhere on the wooden surface. “Probably ever again.” Those last words bounce around and around, forming a desolate echo. The only other sounds filling this kitchen are the distant crackle of the fireplace drifting through from the lounge and a clock ticking. “Did the doc tell you that?” I clear my throat. Kayce shakes his head. “Not in so many words. But it was in their eyes.” He pinches the inside of his cheek with his teeth. “I gotta go back for another scan to make certain . . . but the writing is on the wall.” “So you’re giving up already?” My eyes sharpen on him. That brings his gaze up to mine. Finally. “See, this is why I didn’t want to talk to you about any of it.” The spot high on his cheekbones darkens a shade. “You’re just gonna be a fucking douchebag about it. Like always.” “Age isn’t on your side in pro rodeo.” I tilt my head. “In case you’ve overlooked that detail.” He lets out an exasperated noise and looks around the room. “Jesus. You never change, do you? Always ready to kick me when I’m down.” There it is. The frightened little kid who wants to blame everyone else.

“What do you want?” His lips are flushed, hanging parted on the shallow breaths he’s sucking down. “Wanna be the big bully older brother and spit in my face some more?” My bulk crowds him, and Kayce stumbles back a step. His shoulders connect with the wall straight away. “Quit running away,” I grit out. “You’ve already given up, so don’t pretend like I’m the bad guy here. That whine you’ve got going on ain’t fooling anyone.”

“I fucking idolized you.” Those wide eyes still trace back and forth over my mouth as he gives me his soft admission. “I hated losing to you . . . but I loved seeing you win.” Raging heat floods my body, hearing him finally say those words out loud. “It’s so fucked up.” Kayce wets his lips, and I feel like we’ve plummeted out of space and time. “All I ever wanted was for you to succeed. Even if it came at my own goddamn cost.” His fists tighten, and he presses harder against my front. Still not trying to shove me or move me off him. Instead, it’s as if he’s trying to reach out for me, yet, is unable to bring himself to actually uncurl his fingers and do it. “And I can’t stand that smug asshole look. I hated the way you would look at me, just like you are right now.” I swallow. Hard. “What way is that exactly?” I know. I know what he’s saying, even if I never necessarily admitted it to myself either, but the sick and twisted part of me wants to hear him say it . . . just one time. Our bodies line up as he sinks back against the wall. I’ve only got a slight advantage over him in height, but the biggest difference between us is how much broader my chest and shoulders are compared to his. He fits beneath me in a way that I shouldn’t even be goddamn acknowledging right now. There’s no way I should still be here, not pressed up against my stepbrother. It’s so fucking wrong that we’re tangled together like this. Kayce makes a soft noise in the back of his throat. “It’s fucked up....

“What a pretty thing you are when you blush for me,” he murmurs, and I nearly combust on the spot at the way that turns me inexplicably and confusingly to absolute stone.

“You want to be a brat? Or do you want to be a good boy for me?”

Life has to go back to normal . . . or at least, something approaching what the new normal looks like for Kayce Wilder from here on out.

He’s become my sun, and without him, I don’t know which way to turn. I’ve wilted even in the space of a single day without him nearby, and it’s frightening to acknowledge that I’m more strung out by this man than I dare admit.

“I just don’t know why it’s you . . . you’re always there. Burrowed in my brain. I’m constantly searching for hints of you. It’s so fucked up because I know you can’t stand me⁠—” “What?” His eyes narrow on me. That word whips between us to interrupt my blabbering. “I know you hate me.” With a hasty swallow, I wonder if he can feel me quaking. Does he judge me for being such a disaster? Surely, he does. “So, I’m sorry to barge in like this. I bet I’m the last person on earth you want to see right now . . . I just . . . I didn’t know where else to go and not feel like I’m losing my mind about everything.” A loud pop from the fire cannons across the room, and my heart lurches. His fingers tighten in my shirt, and I watch Raine’s eyes slide over my face. I’m transfixed as he tracks down to my lips, and every part of my skin tingles when exposed to the high beam sweep of his gaze. “I don’t hate you,” he grunts, focus locked on my mouth, and I’m unable to wrench my own attention off his. “Could’ve fooled me.” I’m not sure what Raine’s expression is right now, but as he watches me breathe those words into the fraction of a gap between us, I feel a rumble of something inside his chest. A dark noise of warning. A look that says he’s just as confused by this magnetic pull going on between us, yet he’s still undecided whether he wants to kill me, or kiss me. “You frustrate me. You confuse the shit outta me. You downright piss me off.” Raine drags me into him. So much so, it causes my...

“I feel safe with you.” It’s a hushed admission, an unexpected gift, lined with a faint hint of pleading. There’s so much disguised within those simple words. A whole lifetime of unexplored parts of himself wrapped up in one soft statement of need. Please. Make it good for me. Help me navigate this thing I don’t understand.

Kayce looks like my next fucking meal. “This little naive cowboy routine is endearing and tempting and all, but a few stolen kisses after dark is one thing...” I give in to the urge to tug on his bottom lip again, drawing out another moan of pleasure, before pulling back. “Asking me to take care of your needs is another demand entirely . . . and you know it.”

“Please . . .” Kayce says resolutely, dipping his chin as he dutifully shifts and rests both palms against the wall. “You don’t need to treat me like I’m fragile.” That makes me chuckle. Midway through soaping up his shoulders, I indulge in letting the backs of my fingers glide a slow track down the curve of his spine. Heading lower, until I reach his ass. The pathetic little mewl he lets out when I grab hold and squeeze both cheeks is enough to drive me insane. Kayce immediately pushes back against me, and I tut out loud, bringing my mouth to hover close at his ear. My cock nestles right there, and he sucks in a sharp breath feeling the weight of me pressed up against him, thick and heavy with need. “I don’t like to break my toys.”

“Keep your hands on the wall.” My teeth graze his shoulder, before I pull back and spit into my palm. “You like saying my name all sweet and innocent now, don’t you? When you want something from me.” Kayce shudders and lets out a guttural noise as my hand starts stroking and spreading his ass, letting the saliva coat over him. “Or are you still fighting me, hmm?” I press and rub a little harder over his hole, and each time I do, his breathing hitches. “Are you actually wanting this, or do you want me to leave you in this shower, and you can get yourself off?” His back arches, rubbing his ass against my dick and lets out a whimper. “You . . . I need . . . I want you to touch me.” Kayce’s words are garbled as he lets his forehead drop against the wall. A groan vibrates deep inside my chest hearing him say it out loud. “Relax for me.” Coaxing him with a deep hum, I gradually work up to ease one finger past that tight ring of muscle. “Shhh. That’s it. Just relax.” He’s so goddamn tight, clenching as I rock my hand slowly back and forth. My dick is a leaking mess at the thought of what it’s going to be like to actually try and fit inside him. Reaching around, I hold out my other palm. “Be a good boy and spit.”

“Do you want more? Are you a needy little thing that needs to be stuffed full with more than just my fingers?”

“I’m in the kind of mood to ruin you.” His velvety words dance across my skin, leaving shivers in their wake. “Is that what you want, my sweet boy?” Gulping down all my nerves and trepidation, I nod. “You know I do.” The confession comes out as barely more than a whisper, which Raine seals with another of those drugging kisses.

My next breath stalls halfway to my throat. There are texts there. From Raine. Every single one I’d ignored that night was from Raine. What I’m seeing before my eyes . . . none of it seems real. Even before I turned up on his doorstep, without me knowing, he’d been trying to get in contact. Raine had been checking on me.

“You make me want things . . . the kind of things I didn’t know I could ever dream of.” “Mmm. That pouty little mouth has a lot of secrets you haven’t dared to share, hasn’t it?” Yanking his head back just a little, I steal another kiss before looking him over. Kayce’s pupils bloom immediately. “Well, here it is, snowflake. You make me want things, too.” His breathing is shallow, chest rising and falling in quick succession against my own. “You do?” “I shouldn’t.” My jaw works, knowing just how hard we both are, with our cocks straining and impatient pressed between us. “But you make me crave your perfect, sweet lips. Driving me crazy at the idea I could fuck you whenever I wanted to. To be able to slip inside that impossibly tight little hole of yours and play with you until I leave you slick with my cum.” “Oh, fuck.” He gulps. I dip my head and run my teeth up the front of his strong throat, dragging a soft bite over his Adam’s apple. “Then, once you’re nice and messy . . . I wouldn’t stop there. No, I’d slip two fingers inside, just so I could feel how I’d owned you and marked you.”

He flips my cap onto the ground, then does something that leaves my body lighting up from head to toe. Raine lifts his hat off his head, and settles it on mine. The warmth of the felt and scent of him claims me, triumphant and powerful, just like the look of satisfaction that twitches on the corner of his lips, and he firmly presses the heel of his palm into my torso. A silent command. Stay. Jesus. I’ve always laughed at moments when I’ve seen other cowboys drop their hat onto the head of a pretty girl while out at bars. I’ve always rolled my eyes at the clichédness of it all. Now? Sign me the fuck up for having Raine put his hat on my head while looking at me with a special kind of depraved wickedness.

My own personal Raine-blanket.

“I just . . . I don’t know if I’m ready to tell anyone about anything. I haven’t even properly told Chaos, or Brad, or even my dad about my knee. What am I gonna do, drop a bombshell that I’m finished with competitive rodeo, and then tack on the end that I’m gay?” “Well, I’ll make it real easy for you,” I grumble. “Raine . . . please, it’s not that I’m embarrassed or anything.” “Sure seems like you might be.” I raise an eyebrow at him. Kayce is already on the move, crossing to my side of the truck. “Look . . . can you just put yourself in my shoes for a moment? I’m trying to get my head around a lot of really big fucking changes right now.” There’s the faintest hint of a tremor in his voice, and I hate that for him. I hate how similar we are in that regard. We’ve both been fucked up from day one when it comes to learning how to trust others. Tilting my head to one side, I reach out and cup his jaw. Lifting his focus to meet my own, I give a little shake of my head. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He goes completely still. Lips parted. “Don’t act like that’s the weirdest thing to ever come out of my mouth.” It’s a rough grunt I offer, doing my best. “You just apologized. Just like that.” “Yeah, and?” “You never . . .” From how shell-shocked he looks, it certainly puts into perspective how long we’ve been out of each other’s lives. He doesn’t know the version of me who has had a chance to do a little bit of healing. There are still a lot of scars there. I’m still the world’s wors...

“Demon?” “Archdemon, actually.” Raine tilts his head my way, voice low and gritty. “Here to collect your soul.” My dick is already starting to stir as that masculine hit of how good he smells weaves through my senses. Curling a wisp of a finger beneath my chin and placing an invisible hold around my neck. He’s gotta damn well know that he has me in a chokehold already, turning up here, looking like that. “Ah, well. Vampire.” I touch my tongue against my incisor, before gesturing up and down my body. “So, you’re out of luck . . . I don’t have one.”

“There ain’t a question mark on the end of that. Come. Here.” The truck’s engine purrs into the night as we drive away from town, headed toward the ranch, and it feels like my chest is vibrating at the same speed, caught someplace between being so lost in him and not being used to this sort of treatment. I huff out a little protest, half-heartedly grumbling as I inch my way over to join him. “I’m not a girl.” My complaint is wafer-thin. I like it far too much for my sanity as soon as his warmth and big, strong arm becomes a safe place to curl into. “Oh, that’s right. You’re a cowboy who absolutely, definitely, under no circumstances would ever blush . . . because that’s not manly.” I pinch the side of his stomach as he treats me to the faintest hint of his dry sense of humor. “Shut up.” Wriggling around a little to get more comfortable, I hook one foot up on the seat and let my body sink into his. Reclining against him, while he drives, and music plays through the stereo. It feels like we’ve done this before.

“You belong right here. I’m not letting you leave me.”

I know he tells me things like he’s not letting me go . . . that I’m his. But the nagging voice in the back of my head says beware. He’ll wake up one day and see all those broken pieces and decide I’m not worth the effort.

“I’m sorry for always being so hard on you back then,” I grunt, pushing the sizzling bacon around the pan. As I say the words, there’s no hiding the fact that Kayce’s eyebrows just jumped into his hairline. “I just wanted you to be as strong as you could be, you know. I wanted you to be tough enough to survive without me there. I needed you to be able to survive.”

“If you think I would choose a drink over you, snowflake. Then you’re sorely mistaken.” Those pink spots on his cheeks deepen, as he stares back at me. Then, a faint little smirk plays on his lips as he watches me get ready to go into town and do a pick-up run for supplies that both he and the ranch will need. “Never not obsessed with me, huh?”

“Look, I can’t be the reason you get held back, ok? You don’t need to be responsible for me and how much of a mess I am.” “Kayce . . .” He sighs heavily. “No. I think you should take the job. You should go.” I’m on my feet and moving toward the door with my keys and my phone and needing to escape right fucking now. “They’re giving you a great opportunity. I think you should take the chance to do this, and do what’s best for you.” His shadow looms large at my back as I shove into my coat and boots. “And where does that leave you? What’s best for you?” “I’m ok here. I’ll be fine.” Lies. All lies.

“I know what you’re doing,” he says quietly. “Well, that’s wonderful.” Raine steps into me. And I hate this. I hate that I’ll never again get the side of him, the man who cares and heals the parts that have remained wounded for so long. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’ve ruined everything and managed to destroy the only bright spot in my life. I’ve fallen in love and successfully made him hate me, all in one fell swoop. “Go on then.” His brows furrow together. “Push me away, snowflake. Make sure to really light the match and set it all on fire. All because you don’t believe you deserve anything, when you actually do.” “Raine . . . don’t . . .” I can’t stand here any longer with him looking at me like that. Giving me those beautiful, dark eyes that pierce me like a hundred arrows with just one glance. I’m too weak. I’m too pathetic. “You deserve so much better.” When I finally get something out, it’s a feeble effort, and I see his lip curl. “It’s ok. I’m hearing you loud and clear with your maybe we should just end this bullshit routine.” “It’s probably for the best . . . I’m messed up, and you don’t need to be dragged into my crap. Look at last night. I came in here with all my shit . . . ruined your evening . . . dragged hell after me once again. You keep on having to take care of the mess I cause. But I won’t do that to you anymore. There’s no way I could live with myself constantly being this fragile goddamn thing exploding like a bomb all over your life.” The words k...

“I’m the fuck up you don’t need to worry about anymore, Raine. You and I both know you’ll be far better off without me weighing you down.”

“I’m sorry for being broken. I’m sorry for breaking us.” He eventually whispers. “Snowflake, you didn’t break us.” Drawing away, I keep hold of him, and let our gazes lock. “There’s nothing wrong with having cracks and broken pieces. But you gotta work on healing the scars still in here . . .” With one finger, I tap his temple. “And here . . .” I shift that same hand down to place my palm over his heart. “The parts of you that won’t let you move on.” “But I’m ready to move on.” His eyes squeeze shut. “Are you? If I asked you to go in that house and pack your bag right now, could you do that for me?” Kayce swallows hard, before opening his eyes, and the vibrant gaze I’m so used to seeing is dulled by that weight of inner torment. “No, I didn’t think so. That’s your answer right there.” There’s a war clearly raging inside him as he tries to form words. “I hate myself right now. How can you even stand to look at me?” A ragged noise escapes my throat, and I press our mouths together again. Taking his soft lips, I hope like hell this will imprint both my loyalty, and the connection we share, upon him. To be strong enough to withstand following paths that will take us on separate journeys for now. “You’re right here in my goddamn heart, baby.” I give in, dragging him against me so that I can tuck his head into the crook of my neck and brush my mouth against his ear. “This is where you are. No matter whether you piss me off, or leave me ready to toss you over my shoulder, or be s...

“It’s you. I don’t know if you’ll ever trust that. But I guess I understand a little too easily why you wouldn’t. Those walls are hard to let down, which is why I also know how hard it is to hear me . . . to believe me, when I say that I love you.” With my confession hanging in the crisp fall air, I turn on my heel. That’s all it’ll be. It’s all it can be for us until Kayce figures out how he intends to move forward. As I open the door, I pause and level him with a look across the truck roof. “Maybe one day you’ll let me love you the way you deserve.” Getting back into my truck, I start the engine and watch him through the rearview as I pull away. I wish he didn’t let me leave.

It’s selfish of me to expect you to ever come back, and that’s the kicker. Maybe I’ll just have to love you from afar.

No. Oh god. By the time I get there, it’s too late. The blood drains from my face. He’s read all the messages I sent, yet there’s no reply. Of course, there’s nothing because I’ve been a goddamn burden on his life ever since our worlds first collided. Except, I see something new. Raine has posted a new image on his page—the first one in who knows how long . . . at least a year, maybe more. And it’s us. It’s our photo. His tattooed hand covering mine, with our fingers interlocked and resting on top of the bedsheets. Beneath it sit five words that rob me of every breath and bring my heart stuttering to a halt, clattering against my ribcage. “Never not obsessed with you.”

“Hey, snowflake. I missed you.” The corners of his lips twitch, before his brows crease. “. . . wait, what’s that look for?” “I don’t know how to feel when you call me that. I used to hate it.” “Why?” I sniff. Am I fucking crying? Is that what this is? I can’t remember the last time I cried. If ever. “You know why. That I’m weak and all that.” He shakes his head, and being locked in the high beam of his gaze is a feeling I’ll never get used to. “Not in my eyes. I mean, I used to call you that purely because I knew it pissed you off . . . and I’m sorry.” He reaches up and brushes a thumb over my cheek. “But I don’t think of it as reflective of being weak. A snowflake is a thing of beauty. An infinitely unique pattern. It melts, yes, but that depends on its circumstances. When it transforms into water, you and I both know, that’s one of nature’s most powerful forces. Able to flow and bend and fucking move mountains. A life-giving substance.” Yeah, I’m crying. Full, fat, rolling tears make their way over my cheeks, and my eyes swim with the impact of everything he’s saying in that calm, anchoring way he does. “You give me life, Kayce. You’ve shown me there’s a way to move on from the hurts of a past we shared . . . you’re stronger than I am, because you got back up each time. I’m so proud of you, and I didn’t always know how to say those words.”

“Snowflakes are beautiful,” he murmurs against my mouth. “You think I’m . . .” It’s mostly just choked-up noises, rather than words coming out of me. “Beautiful?” He hums. A rich, life-giving sort of vibration that pours forth to fill my veins. “Of course I do. You’re so goddamn beautiful, my sweet boy.” Feeling Raine smile against my lips is everything. In that moment, the cracks heal, the chasm closes over, and I’m more whole than I’ve ever felt before.

“. . . you looked after him when I wasn’t there. For that, I’m forever in your debt.” “Dad?” Colton Wilder. My dad. He’s here. There’s no possible way he’s here in this hospital, when he’s supposed to be damn near on the other side of the world. With jet lag and sleeplessness clinging to his expression, his broad frame strides over to me without pause. He encircles me in a fierce hug. I fucking lose it. I’m shaking, leaving sodden tracks of silent tears on his shoulder. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I croak. With my head turned to the side, through the wetness clinging to my lashes, I take in Raine’s figure where he lies dreadfully still. Unmoving. Machines surrounding him, monitoring his vitals. “Hayes got in contact. I got on the first flight I could.” “You didn’t have to.” But as I say the words, it hits me like a landslide that I’m so unbelievably grateful he did. “There has been so much of your life I haven’t been there for. Times when I should’ve been a parent and wasn’t.” He rubs one palm back and forth between my shoulder blades and cradles the back of my head with the other. “I’m gonna be there for every fucking thing you need, son. And I know it might be too little too late, but tell me what I can do, whenever, and I’ll be there.”

“You told me you’re a better person because I taught you how to love. Well, I'm better because of the way you love. I’m out here wondering how a guy like me could ever get so lucky . . . or ever deserve to have someone like you looking my way twice.” “I’m not special. I’m nothing special,” he whispers. “To me, you are. To me . . . you are magnificent.” His lips quirk. “I think you’re high.” My heart damn near swells ten sizes inside my chest, seeing him smile like that, and this time it reaches his eyes. “Nowhere near high enough for the fact I’m pretty sure I’ve got a chunk missing from my stomach.” As I gaze at him, I use my other hand to gesture between the two of us while holding onto him. “But this? I know this for certain.” “I love you.” He kisses my palm again, before leaning up to press his lips to mine. “So fucking much.” I reach to cup his jaw and take a deep inhale. “You don’t even know all the ways I love you, baby.” “Never not obsessed?” His lips form a hesitant little smile over my mouth. “Never not obsessed with you.”