No, You Hang Up

by A.J. Merlin

“Now, we know what you’re all wondering about,” the woman tells her listeners, a hint of excitement in her voice. “Everyone wants to know what the police have found at the latest murder scene near central Lexington.”

probs the mmc

“Umm.” Mads stares at me as if I have the answers. I don’t, and I only shrug my shoulders. “Well, you drive a⁠—” “There was someone else talking first, right? Someone a lot less irritating than you?” God, I should hang up. I really need to hang up. “Where’d you go, other friend?” Fuck. He’s talking to me.

“Uh, hello?” He sounds snarky and a bit like a high school mean girl as he places his hands on his waist, all but cocking one hip to the side. “You called me, remember? Please don’t tell me you have amnesia like that girl in 50 First Dates because I am not mentally equipped to handle that kind of shit.” He’s…joking. He’s literally making jokes right now, and even though I shouldn’t, I want to cackle at the stupidity of his words.

“Huxley,” he interrupts, and for a moment I have no idea what he’s said. “And yeah, Kai, I heard you. But if you’re going to call me anything, you can use my name.” “That’s a stupid name,” I huff after a moment, twisting my hands in his grip. “Who the fuck names their kid Huxley?”

“You can be on top. All you had to do was ask⁠—” “God, do you ever shut up?!”

finally a badass fmc

I’m not sorry about the mess. See you soon, little bunny P.S. I’ll kill your neighbor if she knocks on your damn door one more time. P.P.S. Mi-da-zo-lam

gotta give it to him, the last comment was funny

“Dear God. If this is a test and Patrice is back here without her life alert bracelet after having a fall…you should pick a stronger soldier,” I breathe, not being particularly quiet about the plea.

“Why a knife?” I gasp as I fight his hold on my throat. “Why not a gun?” “Too loud.” He lets me go and I bolt again, making it to the sofa as he prowls after me. “Guns are too easy. And in a bad situation, I’d rather my prey get my knife than a gun. I can overpower you with a knife, but a gun could level the playing field.” I launch the tv remote at him, which he simply lets hit him in the shoulder as he tilts his head to the side. “Yeah, okay, but give me points for my continued enthusiasm.” “Sure, pretty girl. Next question?”

what is happening lmfao

“I’m a serial killer.” “I got that, thanks.” “You sure are bold with me.” “How many murders does it take to become a serial killer, anyway?” I bury my face in my pillow and sigh, not wanting to get up.