Married to the Alien Mountain Man (Cowboy Colony Mail-Order Brides, #5)

by Ursa Dax

“I must make a good impression,” I said as sternly as possible. Which was difficult, as I did not consider myself a stern man. And it was doubly hard to attempt sternness in the face of the adorable, orphaned gortu that I’d rescued from the mountains and had painstakingly-bottle fed for most of the summer. But in this, I had to be resolute.

I grimaced, remembering how much effort it had taken to limp all the way back here from deeper in the mountains with a boulder on my back for her. It had taken multiple trips, and I’d brought her four of what I thought were very nice boulders. Exactly the sort that should tempt a young mountain gortu to leap upon them.

“Drop the rock,” Garrek commanded as Killian squirmed in his hold. “I don’t have a rock,” Killian shot back. “I can see the blasted thing! It’s nearly as big as your head!” Garrek retorted as Killian attempted to stuff an impressively large rock down his trousers in an apparent attempt to hide it.

I cracked a grin, knowing Garrek was not serious. He may have liked to groan and complain about Killian’s antics, but I knew he loved that boy like a son. Loved him the way his own father - my uncle - had never loved either of us.

In fact, I’d already made a wedding ring for my bride. I carried it with me always, the heavy metal circle of it a constant weight in the pocket of my trousers. It might be a weight I carried alone for a long, long time.

I skidded around the outcropping to find a wide, flat area of pink stone between towering peaks. A near-perfect natural landing pad. My eyebrows rose as I slowed to a stop, impressed that any pilot who had not visited this world before could find such a place, especially under what I had to assume had been some sort of distress.

And revealed the prettiest face I’d ever had the pleasure of seeing in my entire blasted, exiled life. A human face.

The idea of Zohro or one of the men in another province marrying this beautiful, stranded pilot did not sit right with me. Even Magnolia choosing Garrek over me had not inspired this sort of frantic jealousy. I could not deny it. If the lovely pilot was going to marry any man, even if only for a short time… I wanted it to be me. “Oaken…” “I volunteer!”

I had not considered this. But the warden had a point. I was already convicted of murder even if I’d never actually killed a man. And now, I would have been abandoned by two human women, even if Magnolia never actually met me before she left me. None of the other males thus far had been rejected by their females, let alone by two in a row. Any woman with half a brain in her head would wonder what was wrong with me.

Then, with a final, heaving sigh and a smack of his calloused hand on my shoulder, he said, “I suppose you’d better go over there and propose.” My heart slammed. Propose. Propose marriage. To her. The beautiful human female who currently looked like she wanted to throw another hammer at my head. I couldn’t wait.

I ignored the sting of that. Because it was likely a sting I deserved. Of course, she would not want to be near me. Of course, she would not want to accept me as a husband. She was beautiful and capable and had likely seen more worlds in the span of one cycle than I could dream up over my entire lifetime. I had little to offer her but the weight of the metal ring in my hand. But I held it up anyway, no matter how inadequate.

Aw oaken

“And what about you?” I asked, running my hands through my hair, made flat and sweaty by the helmet and the heat. “You said you’re married to a human as well?” For the first time since I’d met him, Warden Tenn smiled. His face went from imposing and authoritative to so sincerely and openly warm that, for a moment, I didn’t even recognize him. “Are you asking if, now that I am married, I am happy?” “Well, yes. I guess so.” His grin widened. His orange eyes crackled with sudden, surprising whiteness. “There has never been any man happier than me.”

AWWW

And all at once, I was more myself than I had ever been. Because her laugh was an achingly beautiful sound. And that sound was calling me home. I would happily suffer through a myriad of blunders, commit a thousand and one humiliating mistakes, if I could make her laugh this way.

I was ninety-nine percent sure the guy was a weirdo. I was one hundred percent sure that he was also a total sweetheart.

He was kind. And that mattered. That meant something to me. Because it was so damn easy to get small and hard and mean when pain hooked its claws into you. But to remain good, right down to your core, even when life took and took and took from you… That was fucking impressive. And I admired that in a person.

“OK. Great. Yeah,” I rambled. Being around Oaken was still doing things to my speaking abilities. Though my speaking abilities didn’t seem to be coming back anytime soon now that Oaken was apparently leaving.

In that moment, I vowed to do everything I could to help Oaken win over some future bride. I may have technically been his wife now, but my real role would be his relationship coach. I would make him the most eligible male on this entire freaking planet. A bonafide human aficionado.

Though, to be fair, wedding bangles were definitely a thing. My mother had had a set, though I remembered them about as well as I remembered her face. Which meant I barely remembered them at all. Oaken became a tiny dot in the distance of his mountain valley ranch. Before he completely disappeared, I slipped the bangle onto my left wrist. It was a perfect fit.

“Trust me, Tasha. I have a feeling about something.” He smirked down at me, sending heat rushing to my cheeks. “And I think maybe, deep down, you have a feeling about the same thing I do. Because I didn’t see you protest this much during the ceremony. When it actually counted, you didn’t make a sound.” “Well… I…” Busted.

“I’m Jaya,” I said, wiping my hands on a small towel. “I… Well, I’m Oaken’s wife, I guess.” A fluttering feeling tickled the inside of my chest when I said it. Oaken’s wife.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be there for Oaken’s real wedding.” His real wedding. The light, fluttery feeling in my chest turned to lead. There was nothing incorrect about what Magnolia had just said. Nothing at all. I wasn’t his real wife. That hadn’t been a real wedding. His real wedding, with the wife he would love for the rest of his life, would come after I was long gone. But for some reason, this wasn’t as comforting a notion as it should have been. It didn’t seem to comfort Killian, either.

I practically vibrated with pleasure at his response. Which was totally stupid.

Sure, he had his cousin nearby, and Magnolia, and Killian. But they weren’t with him now. They weren’t here. They were all asleep, a little family unit together in their home. And Oaken was alone. I swear, if he doesn’t get the kindest, hottest, most loyal human wife in existence after I leave, then I am going to fucking cut a bitch.

AHAHA

“But you don’t have to. Not while you’ve got me.”

I returned my attention to her feet, and something clenched inside me when I saw the torn skin on the backs of her heels. “She didn’t tell me,” I growled under my breath. “She never does,” Lala said. Despite the cheery, but otherwise blankly emotionless lilt of her voice, I could not help but think I sensed a weary sort of comradery in her reply. As if she knew what it was like to try to care for Jaya when Jaya did not want to let anyone else near enough to do it. I decided that I liked this strange little bot.

Everything I have observed thus far has led me to conclude that your desire to protect Jaya is closely aligned with my own.” I thought she was finished, but after a pause, she abruptly added, “And I like that you gave her your socks.” Without another word, she scuttled back up Jaya’s leg where it lay beneath the blanket, and disappeared.

okay how is this book almost done - it needs to be longer because I can tell now it’s going to be rushed

“He needs to stop being so nice,” I announced. “It’s turning me into an idiot.” “If I were a comedy bot with fewer politeness protocols installed,” Lala said mildly, “I would make a comment about how you don’t actually need any help in that department.” “Ha, ha,” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes and swinging my legs over the side of the bed. “Hilarious.”

It was on the way to Nali’s enclosure that I glimpsed Jaya making her way towards me. Funny. I’d been standing in the sun all morning. But seeing her now, it was as if the sun had only just come out.

I’d be a fucking goner

Even one day seemed like a very long time to go without being near her. I thought of all the thousands of days that awaited me after she left, and the world seemed to get just a little smaller. A little less bright.

“Those two are becoming fast friends,” Jaya said, glancing at me from the side as we walked through the rocks and the dust. “Just like us.” My chest puffed. Jaya considered me her friend. Somehow, this seemed even more significant than being her husband. Because marriage was something I’d simply offered her. Her friendship was something I’d earned.

And the view was magnificent, and it was breath-taking, and it was certainly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. But… But it did not compare to seeing Jaya now. I watched her as she worked, so capable, so strong, and felt awe for her slip between my ribs like a blade. This was where my wife was meant to be. A little part of me was punctured by that truth. The selfish, secret part that had already begun to wish so desperately that she might stay.

But I could not offer her anything as remarkable as this. My ranch was not a ship. And I was not her fate. Jaya twisted to look at me again, and she was smiling so beautifully. Above that smile, her eyes searched mine expectantly. She wanted to see my reaction to the flight. She wanted me to enjoy this. So I punched down the pain and I smiled right back. I managed to croak a single word. “Magnificent.” Because she was.

Except Oaken seemed to be getting quiet on me. And I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why. I mean, he was still his polite, lovely, generous self. He brought me food and water and was constantly making sure I wasn’t too hot, too cold, and did I bring my hat out here? But his smiles seemed fewer. Conversations between us felt heavier. I finally got to see the true colour of his eyes – the most beautiful dark green I’d ever seen, brightening to a cool, lively mint in the middle – as if he was exerting some kind of inner control on himself that he hadn’t bothered with when we’d first met. It made me want to tear my fucking hair out. And the strangest part was, he wasn’t even avoiding me. If anything, he was doing the opposite. Between chores, he lurked near my ship, watching me as I worked, but not speaking.

I missed the sound of his voice. And I hated that I missed it. Because if I already missed it now, when the big green guy was only a few metres away, what the hell was I going to do when I left this planet behind for good?

In fact, he is a very positive factor in your environment. There were several days during the past week when the only reason you did not get dehydrated is because he kept filling up your water when you were not looking. As far as I am concerned, he may sleep as close to the Lavariya as he likes.”

Why was he smiling at Lala and not me? Fucking hell. Somebody help me. I was jealous.

“I just… In all honesty, I had rather forgotten about the possibility of marrying someone else after you.” “You forgot?”

“You are very confident,” Oaken murmured, his eyes glued to our hands. “Much more confident than Tasha.” “What do you mean?” Tasha had seemed really nice and helpful so far. But if she had said something mean to Oaken… We were going to have some words, she and I.

“This is a good way to hold hands,” I informed him. “Holding hands is an excellent way to provide comfort to your partner, to show affection, or just let them know you’re there for them.” The ghost of a smile touched his lips. “Understood, Jaya.” He must have been really eager to practise. Because he didn’t let go of my hand once on the long walk to the barn.

She’s so gone

“Why don’t we try something a little bit more subtle?” Then, batting my eyelashes, I’d made my voice high and breathy. “Hey, big guy.” But in return, he’d just blinked several times in rapid succession – so violently that I began to worry he’d gotten some dust in his eyes – then said, “Hello, small female.”

His specific brand of awkward, eager sincerity might have been becoming my own personal catnip, but what if the human lady he set his heart on didn’t have the same weird-yet-excellent taste that I did? What if she didn’t see how special he was? What if she couldn’t get past his horrifically humiliating requests to give her cunni-linguine?

What if she didn’t get ticklish flutters in her belly every time he smiled? What if she didn’t dream about the way he’d carried her home their first night together? What if she didn’t wake up looking forward to seeing his tent outside her door? What if she didn’t care about him like I-

Oop

“You should sleep in your bed,” I told him, the same way I’d told him every night. I expected him to mumble one of his usual replies to that. But instead, he looked at me with white, laser-like eyes and growled, “You should sleep in my bed.” I nearly fucking dropped my tea. “E-Excuse me?” I asked. My face went hot. So did my clit. “Was that not good?” Oaken asked. “I was attempting a seduction.” “I don’t think we’ve covered any seduction techniques in the lessons yet!” I squawked. Oaken flicked his tail.

AHAHAHAHAHA

He hesitated. I braced for rejection. But then, quietly, with very white eyes, he asked, “Would I get to watch it with you?” Oh, my God. This big, green, loveable dork. “Yes, with me,” I said, laughing with relief. “Who else are you going to practise your dating techniques on? Lala’s asleep on her charging dock.” I gave him a grim sort of smile and then stood, saluting him with my cup. “I’m all you’ve got.” He smiled at me like that was the best damn thing he’d heard all day. And I didn’t know what the hell to do with that.

I didn’t mind if he was just wearing Zabrian-style boxers or something. “I’m going to put my pyjamas on. Be right back.”

THEY DONT WEAR ANYTHING BITCH

I passed my small rack of clothing. My hand almost landed on my cozy, frumpy jammies. But at the last minute, I grabbed my cute set of silky red shorts and matching tank top instead. For absolutely no reason at all.

HE’LL YEAH

What a most excellent human-Zabrian liaison. Truly, an ally to all womankind.

“Do you want to?” “Empire, yes.”

HEHE

I did not think about when she would leave. Because when I did, it felt like my heart might stop beating.