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“This is not going as well as I had hoped.” “Interactions with human females rarely do,” Warden Tenn replied grimly.
I could think of no reason why Magnolia would be laughing about a topic as sacred and important as Jaya’s booty-cake,
I was ninety-nine percent sure the guy was a weirdo. I was one hundred percent sure that he was also a total sweetheart.
What the hell was Oaken talking about booty-cakes for when the man was stacked with his own damn bakery back there?
I swear, if he doesn’t get the kindest, hottest, most loyal human wife in existence after I leave, then I am going to fucking cut a bitch.
Funny. I’d been standing in the sun all morning. But seeing her now, it was as if the sun had only just come out.
“I think you are beautiful. And I would very much like to perform cunni-linguine on you.”
but what if the human lady he set his heart on didn’t have the same weird-yet-excellent taste that I did? What if she didn’t see how special he was? What if she couldn’t get past his horrifically humiliating requests to give her cunni-linguine?
All at once, Darcy’s diagram made perfect sense to me. She’d sent me a hand-drawn Zabrian dick pic.
“Sorry,” Oaken said, suddenly breathing very hard. “You seem to be… activating my loins.” “What?!” “My loins,” he repeated thickly. “They are activated.” “I heard you the first time!”
Sneaky Tasha. Making sure the cowboys were more educated on eating pussy than they were on getting their dicks sucked. What a most excellent human-Zabrian liaison. Truly, an ally to all womankind.
But even if, unlike my stupid self, he hadn’t let a crush on his spouse-of-convenience turn into an incurable and possibly fatal case of feelings, he was at least somewhat attracted to me. I’d managed to activate his loins, after all.
“If you say cunni-linguine,” I squeaked, my brain melting into soup, “I am going to lose my mind.” “Oh. Sorry.” His face crumpled with concentration. “Cunni…” “Oaken-” “Cunni-lingonberries.” “Oh, God, please stop,”
“So, um, this is-” “I know,” Oaken groaned, his thumb going to my clit and rubbing mind-numbingly slowly. “The clitorolla.”
I floated on a wave of happy hormones after Oaken left to start his morning chores. An ocean of Oaken oxytocin.
Outgoing Tablet Communication G. Jaya: Cunni-linguine. That’s all I’m going to say. Outgoing Tablet Communication G. Jaya: Also, cunni-lingonberries. Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: Noodle emoji loading Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: Berry emoji loading Incoming Tablet Communication Magnolia Jones: Oh, my… Incoming Tablet Communication Cherry Dawson: Well that sounds like a DAMN fine meal. Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: SOUNDS LIKE OAKEN HAD A DAMN FINE MEAL.
“The rest of the Lavariya may be gone,” she said at length. “But I remain. And you are still my pilot.” I took her in my hands, clutched her to my chest, and sobbed.
