Torn (All Torn Up #1)

by Carian Cole

My love, Walk in the rain with me. Kiss me in the misty fog. Let me hold you all night under the hush of the wind. I’m waiting for you. Throwing pennies… making wishes. I’m wishing only for you. Always for you. Come back to me. I’ll fight for you. I’ll fight for us. Wish for me, too… and I’ll make it come true.

I believe trust is a gift from someone, just like love is. Trusting and loving someone says I have faith in you. And I appreciate the depth of that way more than I do material things. I’ll take faith over shoes any day of the week.

“You’re not cold, Uncle Tor. Not at all. You’re just not the type to talk for the sake of talking. You talk when you have something to say. And maybe she’s just mad because you’re not saying what she wants to hear.”

“No, I’m not a cheater, Kenz. I’m just waiting for the one who makes me feel like forever wouldn’t be long enough.”

I hate when women try to change to be what they think a guy wants. Eventually, they slip and the real them will come crashing through, and it’s usually not as good as the person they were pretending to be. I have no time or tolerance for fake people or trying to figure out who they really are.

“I wished you would never doubt me again. I’ve spent almost eighteen years being here for you, Angel. Because I want to. No one ever made me or expected me to. You’re just where I always wanted to be.”

For the first time, I don’t recognize the deep, dark eyes staring into mine, but I fall right into them willingly as our lips meet. My eyes flutter closed as I tumble farther into him, but he quickly jerks away, and we simultaneously suck in a startled breath, staring at each other with wide-eyed shock.

Dropping my hand, he grabs the back of my neck, yanking my mouth back to his hungrily, and I clutch his arm to keep from falling backward onto my ass. His lips are warm and demanding, his tongue pushing past my teeth, coaxing my mouth open. My heartbeats turn into soaring butterflies.

Nothing has ever felt like this. He steals my breath, making me dizzy as his mouth claims mine, his fingers tightening at the back of my neck. I tilt my head slightly to deepen the kiss, and a low, guttural growl sounds in his throat, turning my sweet butterflies into fireflies and sparking heat from my stomach to my thighs. He pulls away slightly, stares into my eyes with a lusty gaze, then comes back for more, his kiss much softer now, his hand moving from my neck to gently to...

“Did you forget?” I ask playfully, leaning a little closer to him, his hand on my neck pulling me forward, gently coaxing me even closer. “You’re the man I’m going to marry someday.”

One forbidden touch, one taboo kiss, and we destroyed who we were. I don’t know who either one of us is anymore or how we got all fucking tangled up in this mess of lust and love that should never exist. But it does exist, and no matter how much I try to deny it, it keeps coming back to get in my face, refusing to be ignored.

And now she’s gone, just like I asked. I want her back. So fucking bad.

I finally look up at him, and I can’t hold back what I’m feeling any longer. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?” His broad chest rises and falls slowly, and I now recognize this as him trying to gain control of himself. Trying to prevent another collision. As he absently touches the plush toy lying between us, he answers in a soft, somewhat melancholy tone. “I hope as much as I love you.” Yes, I do.

Love is like an onion, with a lot of layers and a lot of tears before you get to the good part.

They play two more songs, and I’m practically hypnotized watching Tor play. I grew up watching musicians, quite a few were friends of my dad or other bands they toured with, but there is something erotic about watching a man you’re attracted to play the guitar. The sensual words he typed in our text messages are on repeat in my mind as I watch his fingers move over the strings, wondering how they would feel touching me. That day he kissed me on the couch was the first and only time he ever put his hands on my body in any kind of sexual way, but the memory of the possessive way he pulled me onto him and the burn of his hand on the flesh of my lower back makes my insides quiver.

“Keep your legs spread and slide yourself back and forth over me,” he coaxes, grabbing my hips and moving me so my sex glides from the base of him all the way up to the head, and then back again. And he’s right, even though he’s not inside me, rubbing along his hard length feels incredible.

“She’s adorable,” the blond girl says. “Is she yours?” Standing, I take Kenzi’s hand. “Yeah, she is.”

He moves closer to me and leans down to kiss my cheek. “Because now I’m your lover. Not your friend. Not your godfather. Not your dad’s best friend. Big difference.” I blink at him, swaying, my heart racing. The word lover feels so… intimate. Powerful. Adult. Sexy.

“I love you, Angel. But I won’t baby you when you’re in my house, and in my bed. If we do this, the little girl and the uncle are left at the door.” He kisses the spot behind my ear and brushes his lips across to my cheek. “Can you do that?” I nod. “Yes.” “You know that a little rough isn’t meant to hurt you, right? I would never hurt you.”

“Exactly. When I look at you, I don’t see my father’s friend, or my uncle, or my godfather, or an older man. All I see is the person I’ve always loved and who has always made me safe and happy. That’s it. I just see you.” His head falls back against the couch and he closes his eyes. “You say that so beautifully.” “Because it’s true.” I lean toward him and kiss him softly on the lips, waiting for his eyes to open. “Our wishes are coming true.”

All that matters is you are my forever. You always have been. You always will be.”

If he were to say those words a million times, I will never get tired of hearing them. Every time he says them, they sound different on his lips, and they sound different to my ears, like a melody that has a different note each time it’s played. The same but never predictable. They’re not just words that he repeats like a parrot. With Tor, every word comes from his heart. That’s what I want for my forever. Words that I can believe to be true no matter what.

“I think we’ve always been together.” He bends down and kisses my lips. “But yeah, we became an official couple the moment I took you into my bedroom.”

I want to punish her for wanting me when she shouldn’t, and thank her for wanting and loving me with so much of herself when I need it. Young love… first love is so innocent. So pure and trusting. So all-encompassing. I shouldn’t be on the receiving end of that love from her at my age, but in all honesty, she’s my first love, too.

She promised me forever. She made me believe I could have it. I’ll never let her go… but I have to set her free. Please come back to me, I beg silently. Please always love me the most.

I use my fancy fountain pens and parchment paper, while he sticks to mostly notebook paper and ballpoint pens, and we send them through the mail. It’s romantic. It’s helped build patience. It’s helped us choose our words with care and truth, because writing in ink does that. There is no backspace. There are no abbreviations. We pour our hearts out to each other more than we ever have. We share our fears and dreams with each other on paper in even more depth than we did in person. There is a safety in writing, in putting the words out there and giving the recipient time to absorb, ponder, and reply.

My love, Walk in the rain with me. Kiss me in the misty fog. Let me hold you all night under the hush of the wind. I’m waiting for you. Throwing pennies… making wishes. I’m wishing only for you. Always for you. Come back to me. I’ll fight for you. I’ll fight for us. Wish for me, too… and I’ll make it come true. I love you forever and longer.

I wished for Tor. I wished for us. I wished for my father to accept us. I wished for everyone to accept us. I wished for my mom. I wished for happiness.

We all let go. We followed our hearts. We loved unconditionally. And we all ended up together again.