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I’ll have to go through more sensitivity training if she says the next bit.
Me at work
“Because I’m going to turn him into a meat puppet.” She goes rigid in my arms and then looks back at me, her mouth open. “You want to make my stepfather a meat puppet? What does that even…never mind…”
Unhinged.
“Get some sleep.” “Okay,” she yawns. “My alarm is set for six.” “What the fuck for?”
For real.
“Because,” she sighs. “You’re my stalker. I can’t go hanging out at your place. That’s just wrong.” I don’t release her. “It would make the stalking much easier if you did.”
“I think one of your roommates got to the soup first anyway.” How dare they eat my soup.
FOR REAL
“Your father a piece of shit too?” Are we bonding? “You have no idea.”
He’s never embarrassed about anything, but he looked slightly uncomfortable as he dropped a Tupperware container on the table. Then again, he also didn’t share any of them, eating them himself because, as he phrased it, “She’s mine to eat as often as I wish.”
A mafia man bringing his girls cookies to a meeting... To "share"
