Stubborn Puckboy (Puckboys, #9)

by Eden Finley

“Come drink with us.” “I can’t.” He just turned twenty-one, so he can go out with the team. I’m still nineteen and look sixteen. There’s no way I’m not getting carded, even if I am with a bunch of grown-ass adults. “You did last week.” I snort. “Yeah, because we were in Canada. The legal drinking age is different.” He makes a “pfft” noise. “In Russia, it’s ten.” “Is it really?” “Nyet. Joking with you again.”

said some borderline homophobic things like “I don’t care if you’re gay, but I’m not interested.” Thanks, Gary, like I’d ever want to have sex with your balding-ass self. Your forehead probably looks like your ballsack. Where do I sign up to get on that?

“Novi?” Ezra answers, sounding confused. “I’m not sure if you know this, but that button you hit, it was the Call button.” I know what the Call button is. I prefer to call people over texting, but I tried it once with Ezra and didn’t get off the phone until two hours later. No one has time for that.

“He knows. He remembers. You need to talk to him.” That’s the last thing I want to do. Two years. That’s all I need to get through before I can hide out from everyone. Where I can make sure people forget about Radimir Novicov. “I don’t want to.” “Then … I don’t know. Scowl at him a bunch. Give him the evil eye.” “I do not scowl.” “And I’m not a former fuckboy. This game is fun.”

don’t hate you. My issue with you was …” He averts his gaze. “The complete opposite of hating you.” Wait, what?

“You are still annoying.” He picks up his own menu. “Funny. I remember us being friends.” “Of course. I am delightful.”

“It was one season a billion years ago. He didn’t even remember me until I reminded him. I don’t hold it against him. As well as old knees, he also has an old brain.” “You have old face,” Novi grumbles some more.

“It keeps you separate in my head,” I say. “Kessinger is my coach. He’s a professional. Colby is the man I used to jerk off over.”

“Because I see the way you look at me, Novi. It’s the exact same way I look at you.”

“You’re still the same old Novi. You act tough and joke about being a delightful ray of sunshine, but the truth is, you’re not joking at all. Deep down, you’re a gentle sweetheart who wants to be loved for who he is.”

“It was special because it was with you.” Damn, if that’s not the most perfect thing he could’ve said.

“I do not need lecture,” I say before he can start. “No lecture.” “You lecture me with your eyes.” “Oh good, you’re rubbing off on me.”

“They all assume I’m a homophobe. Me. I piss rainbows, but no one knows, so they say all these nasty things about me.” “Sounds like a medical condition you should get checked out.” “Fuck off.”

friends? From Ivan’s family?” “Then denounce me. I will come out, and you’ll tell everyone you hate me, that I’m misguided, and everything will be okay.” Her sniff is the first thing to let me know she’s crying. “I can’t do that.” “It will be lies. I’ll know it.” “You’re my brother!” “And I am miserable.”

Anyone can be a judgmental asshole, and the internet gives them free rein to do it.

“What should I do?” “Taunt him until he shoves you up against a wall and takes you there and then?” I’m concerned by how easily that came to him. “That is not a thing that would ever work.” “Ah, yeah, never,” Anton mutters somewhere in the background.

Novi’s right there in front of me. Almost chest to chest. “I have thought about it.” “That wasn’t long enough.” “Yes it was, because the answer is simple. I want you. I want you now. And if I have to face the reality I’ve been hiding from for the last seventeen years to have you, then I will. Because I didn’t let this happen once before, and I’m not going to make that same mistake again.”

He’s ready for real intimacy, and even though it might break my heart, ruin my career, and fuck me over in the long run, I’m going to give it to him. Freely. Because going through what he has … I wouldn’t wish that kind of loneliness on anyone.

All that matters is that when I open my eyes again and meet Novi’s gaze, he’s smiling in a way I’ve never seen him smile before. It’s official. I’m claiming it. That smile belongs to me.

“I deserve to exist too, even if in secret,” I force out. “Jesus, Novi.” Turkey grabs my shoulder and pulls me into an aggressive hug. He squeezes me tight, not caring he showered and I stink like a dog. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I’ve got your back, brother. Always.”

Stress can also lead to heart attacks. I don’t want him to have a heart attack. I need his heart. I’m going to win it one day.

“Friendship?” I hurry to nod. “I have missed you. The friend I used to have. I don’t like not being able to spend time with you. So I came to sweep you off your feet and kidnap you.” “Aww …” He steps right toward me, teasing creases by his eyes. “That was very nearly romantic until you brought felonies into it.” “See? You admit I am romantic.”

“You broke into my house⁠—” “With a key⁠—” “In the early hours of the morning⁠—” “You want private⁠—” “To kidnap me⁠—” “Sweep you off your feet⁠—” “And I’m not even allowed to kiss you?”

Your whole thing is condescension and this weird sort of playfulness I’m half convinced you’ve created to fuck with everyone else. And it’s all of that, plus the glimpses of your big heart, that attracted me to you in the first place. The moments you are sweet? I’ll take them when they come because they’re all a bonus.”

He walks away before I can say anything else, and Turkey chokes back a laugh. “Subtle, Novi.” “I do not know what you mean.” “Poor Coach Kessinger. He’s just trying to do his job.” “Da. He does it very well.” “Please don’t tell me how well.” “Very, very well.” Turkey swipes his hand over his face. “Lucky me, being the one you get to share gay sex jokes with.” “We had a moment. We are bonded now.” “Did I get a say in that?” “People are begging to be best friends with Radimir Novicov, and you’re the chosen one.”

What straight men don’t realize most of the time is that it’s literally that easy for them. No overthinking. No questioning every choice. It’s a word. An action. An adjustment to their belief. With something so easy, they’ve not only made me feel safe but human. I wish everyone understood the impact they could have by doing so little.

“Besides, we’ll be at Oskar and Lane’s house, which is technically in public but also within the safety of the Queer Collective, who are vowed to silence when it comes to me.” My lips twitch. “You made them take a vow of silence?” “No. They super nicely offered it to me. It was weird.” “Were you, by any chance, smiling at them when they did it?” “I was! How did you know?”

That almost makes me laugh. “Colby? Have power over me? But he’s like a cute polar bear, and I am the puppy following him around.” Colby squeezes my thigh. “That metaphor doesn’t make the point that you think it does.”

wish I could see into the future and know that everything will work out and that I’m not about to have my heart broken or get fired, but I don’t know that either of those things won’t happen.” “You’re worried I’ll break your heart? Does that mean you are putting it in my hands?” “It means I want to, but I’m terrified it won’t be worth losing everything for.” He lowers his forehead to mine. “I will cherish your heart always.”

But you need to trust that I’m going to support you too. Through the good … and the stupid.

“There’s a demon animal in my house!” I hurry to turn around as Lachie Kikishkin walks outside … pulling a llama with him. “Where the hell did you get that?” Connor gasps. Lachie looks from Aleks to the llama and back again. He’s barely able to stand upright. “What, he’s”—he hiccups loudly—“not yours?” “No, I don’t own a fucking llama!” Lachie hiccups again. “Oops?”

We all watch the show, pretending to ignore Ezra’s shouts. “Anton, wait! One kiss should break the curse and turn you back into a man! Just hold still!” I lean over to Anton, who is sitting right next to where Ezra was. “Should you put stop to that?” “Hmm … maybe.” “Are you going to?” “I’m curious to see if he’ll do it, honestly. It’s like a love declaration.”

“To be serious⁠—” “Is that even possible with you?” “Ignoring that. No jokes. I am lucky that you love me. I am privileged to even have the chance for you to love me. And I don’t want to mess this up. The world might love Novi, hockey extraordinaire, but only you get to love Radimir Novicov, the real me. The scared boy who grew up to be a scared man.” He cocks his head. “But you’re not scared now, right?” “The only thing scary in my life is the possibility of ever losing you.” Colby’s lips curve at the edge. “Then I guess we better make sure that never happens.” I kiss him in agreement. “Never.”