when it came to justifying one’s acts, or indeed one’s words, in other people’s eyes or in one’s own. It was either ludicrous, as she put it clumsily, or suicidal. But whatever the logic, the result was the same: sinking, as she again put it, because it’s precisely when you’re trying to wriggle out of something that you start sinking, unless you’re actively willing it. In the end, the only thing you succeed in saying is I’m guilty, whether you refuse to say it or you’re actually trying hard to say it. You say it when you say it and you also say it when you’re saying its opposite.
