Heart the Lover

by Lily King

They laugh like I’m lying, like you could never remember a dress better than a guy.

I’ve noticed that about people who had stable childhoods. They like to create their own problems.

‘There’s nothing honest about the degradation of women. It’s a power move and it’s been working for a few millennia.’ She’s a better feminist than I am.

he didn’t understand why I wanted to be a writer when I could never just trust a story.

All of literature rests on the promise that we change, we grow, have epiphanies, become better, understand our flaws.’

He’s cooler than I am. How do I give him a sign when I can’t breathe?

the power and poignancy come from the very randomness itself, the sense that any one of us, not just a good king with a built-in flaw, is capable of making a mistake, that we are all vulnerable to tragedy because we are human.

I start to understand the power of fiction, the reason we make things up.

But I’m not good at saying that I feel hurt or forgotten or rejected. There had been no room for that growing up.

What I am saying, these decisions we make in youth are everything. You have no idea. Those feelings, they don’t revenir. Pas comme ça. And no one tells you.’ She points to the pages of Yash’s letter on the bed. ‘Do not put this love second. Marry him. Marry him and have your babies. It doesn’t matter what happens after that.’ I say I’m only twenty-three and she says, ‘Screw the calendar. What does a calendar know about love?’

I take him to all the places where I ached for him. It was like bringing him home to kindly relatives who would share my joy.

I have that familiar impatience to get back to the table so I don’t miss what he’s saying.