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“We have eighty years’ worth of tomorrows to spend together.” When I pulled back the covers and helped her into bed, I locked eyes on a large bloodstain on her pajama bottoms.
Monster. He was a monster. The monster was real. Mark was the monster.
“I won’t.” My heart cracked in my chest. “I’m not going anywhere, Liz.” “No matter what?” “Yeah, Liz.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “No matter what.”
“She wanted it, I swear,” he tried to plead, pinning my sister down. “She was always jealous of us. What I have with you. She’s a fucking whore, baby. Your sister led me on. You have no idea what she’s capable of.”
“I know you love me, Hugh,” I whispered brokenly, as I straddled his lap. “But you love him more.” “No. I don’t.” Looking sad, Hugh slowly shook his head. “Not even close.”
“No matter what?” She hiccupped, fisting my shirt for dear life. “Yeah, Liz.” My heart slammed against my chest bone, and I kissed her hair again. “No matter what.”
I smiled. “And the life buoy?” “I couldn’t stop thinking about what you told me, about how you’ve always felt like you were supposed to drown,” he explained, carefully clasping the anklet around my left ankle. “Well, I put that there to remind you that as long as I have air in my lungs, I’ll never let you go under.”
I could feel the darkness was settling over her, threatening to overtake her, and I was determined to keep her heart in the sunshine. No matter what.
“No, I don’t have a crush on the girl,” I countered evenly. “I’m in love with the girl, and contrary to your dismissal of my feelings, I assure you that not only are they very real but very permanent.”
“Ecstatic!” Gibsie exclaimed, and I swear if he had a tail in this moment, it would have been wagging. He turned back to us and grinned. “Johnny called me his best friend.”
Another was the way he always made sure he was on the outside when we walked near roads.
I couldn’t pull her out of the darkness that had settled over her,
I belonged to him, but a part of me had been stolen. And I needed him to put it back for me.
Because the pain weakened my mind’s grasp on its rage. It was how I had learned to function. To bury it all down.
“You already got your birthday present,” he replied, gesturing to the shiny new semicolon charm attached to my bracelet.
Hugh filled my cup up with the very things I had been drained of in my nightmares. Instead of inflicting pain, fear, and harm like the monster had, my boyfriend instilled power, trust, and respect inside of me.
Maybe one day, a girl would walk into his world and bring him to his knees, like Liz did to me, but until that day came, it was easier to say nothing.
“I just wanted to be normal, okay!” I screamed, tears flowing freely down my face. “I just wanted a fucking shot at being like every other person our age who doesn’t have to ram pill after fucking pill down their throat in order to function!”
“Besides, I don’t like blonds.” “You don’t?” Feely asked, eyebrows raised in surprised. “What can I say?” Kav replied with another shrug of his shoulders. “I’m more of a brunette man.”
Because I could read her better than any number of the books she surrounded herself with. She was my chosen field, my strongest subject, and I was sure no other heart could be a specialist in the field of Elizabeth Eleanor Young.
“‘Silver Springs’?” I broke the moment by asking, taking a seat on the floor.
“You’re going to make me better soon,” I breathed, lips brushing against his tenderly. “You’re my medicine, aren’t you?” “I’ll be anything you need me to be,”
“Would you come with me if I jumped?” “Liz.” Fear flashed in his eyes, and somewhere in the back of my mind, I could tell that he wasn’t enjoying this nearly as much as I was. “Climb down. Now.”
fall backwards and waited for the water to embrace me. It didn’t come. The only thing I felt was a pair of strong arms around my body as he pulled me to safety. As he pulled me back to him. Back to the here and now. Back to life.
Why did he look so happy when he was with him and not me? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t he smile at me like that?
Unable to stand another second of looking at the person I loathed most, I quickly opened the cabinet door. Retrieving my faithful razor, I climbed into the bath and draped a leg over the side.
“Indeed, Claire Biggs,” I shot back, flopping back on my elbows and watching as she freed my feet for me. “Aren’t we all a little crazy inside?”
I didn’t want her to break down again, but I just…I couldn’t be the one to put her back together this time. “We broke up, Mam.”
“You’ll make up,” Mam called after me when I moved for the doorway. “You’ll find a way through this. You’ll see.”
But she wasn’t there anymore, and if, by some small miracle, I found her, the boy she loved with all her heart had been chased off by the demon that had taken on the form of her skin. What was the point? I’d already lost everything. I was ruined.
had broken him; this bright, beautiful, brave soul had been reduced to broken pieces. They were scattered all over his bedroom floor. He couldn’t take me back, not even if he wanted to.
was used up and dirty. I always had been. There was no way of fixing that. There was no magic spell to eradicate my memories.
This was the part where I left the sinking ship.
Then, she held her finger on the fast-forward button, skipping through parts of the song, until releasing it at 3:38.
The moment Stevie Nicks’s haunting voice filled the room, my ex-girlfriend turned the volume up to maximum capacity before spinning around to look at me. Again, she never uttered a single word, letting the song do the talking for her.
Heart hammering violently, I snatched up the CD case that was thrown on top of me and just stared at him, while Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way” drifted through the speakers.
Something was broken inside of me, had been since Caoimhe died, maybe even before it, and I was drowning in the aftermath.
I needed the pain. It was the only thing that tuned out the noise. Because the noise in my head hurt so much more than any physical pain I could endure.
Because I was so damn deeply in love with this girl that it physically hurt to stand here and not hold her.
She held every piece of my mangled heart. I figured she might as well take the last sliver of my pride while she was at it. “It kills me to see you with him.”
“Why can’t you just love me!” I screamed, stalking toward him when he tried to leave. “Why can’t anyone fucking love me!”
“Can I hold your hand on the walk?” “Yeah, Liz.” Pain flickered in his eyes, and he nodded slowly. “You can hold my hand on the walk.”
“I’m always going to love you.” “No matter what?” “Yeah, Liz,” I whispered, dying inside. “No matter what.”
and I was left alone with Catherine, I heard her say, “You lied to her, didn’t you?” Tears filled her eyes. “You won’t be there when she comes home.” Shaking my head, I roughly wiped my tears away. “I’m sorry.”
