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“…Shut the fuck up and let me fix this.” “No, no, no, please!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, thrashing violently as I tried to fight him off. “Please! Please, stop! It hurts!” “Stop fighting me on this!” he snarled, ramming the coat hanger deep inside of my body. “Relax, okay? I know what I’m doing. I watched a video.” “It hurts!” I screamed, ripping and tearing at my hair as the pain threatened to take me under. “I’m dying!” “Yeah, and I’ll be dead if that belly of yours gets any bigger.” He shoved a pillow over my face. “Scream into that if you have to…”
“Ooh, pizza,” Caoimhe exclaimed then, reaching for the empty box on the coffee table. “You greedy, little pigs ate an entire sixteen-inch by yourselves?” “Yeah, and we cleared out your stash of mint-chocolate-chip ice cream in the freezer, too,” Hugh said, goading her unapologetically. Narrowing his eyes, he added, “Both tubs.”
“Yep,” I squeezed out, attention riveted to the plum-sized glob of blood that had fallen out of my body and onto my bathroom floor. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it wasn’t my period. It looked like a clump of veins.
I locked eyes on a large bloodstain on her pajama bottoms. Christ, I was so glad that I would never have to deal with a period. Females get the raw end of the deal.
“There’s nothing to talk about because I see you, Mark. I finally see what you are. You’re a monster in disguise!” “…I finally see what you are…” “…You’re a monster in disguise…” “…You’re a monster…” Eyes widening in horror, I gripped my duvet and pulled it over my head. Monster. He was a monster. The monster was real. Mark was the monster.
The sound of her footsteps filled the air moments before she clambered into bed with me. However, the trembling body that welded itself to mine didn’t belong to my sister. It belonged to… “Gibs?” Confused, I tried to sit up to switch on my lamp, but the way he was clinging to me made that impossible. “What happened, lad?” “Hughie.” Sobbing uncontrollably, my oldest friend in the world locked his arms and legs around me. “Hughie.”
He nodded slowly. “It’s m-my f-fault they died—” “No, it’s not,” I cut in, heart shredding in my chest. “None of what happened that day was your fault, Gibs. Do you hear me? It was an accident.” Swallowing down my emotion, I steadied my voice before adding, “It was a horrible, awful, terrible thing that happened, Gibs, but it was an accident.” I tightened my arms around his trembling frame. “I know you feel alone in that house since your mam married him, but I promise you that you’re not. You have us. My family is your family, too.” Clenching my eyes shut, I squeezed the shit out of my friend,
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“Come where?” I demanded, instantly on edge. “Where are we going, Mam? What’s going on?” “Oh, love, I’m so sorry,” she choked out a gut-wrenching sob. “Caoimhe Young passed away tonight.”
“What the fuck did you do to my sister…” “Liz?” “You can’t keep us locked in here forever…” “It’s me, Hugh.” “She’s a child, you monster. She’s a fucking baby and you put a baby inside her…” “Can you hear me, Liz?” “He’s a monster, Lizzie. You need to get out…” “I’m right here, okay?” “I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you both…” “I won’t leave you on your own, Liz, I promise.” “Run, Lizzie, and don’t look back…” “No matter what.” No matter what.
I didn’t want to come off like an insensitive asshole, but Liz couldn’t survive without food, and her parents were too consumed in grief to take the reins. Enter Hugh.
“I’ve been trying to work up the courage to speak to you all day, but I don’t have the right words,” a familiar voice said, and I turned to see Gibsie sit on the swing next to mine. “So I’m just going to sit here with you, okay?” Help me, I wanted to scream, you’re the only one who can.
“Caoimhe, no!” I cried, throwing my arms around her neck. “Don’t say that.” “I have to,” she choked out, holding me tightly. “If anything happens to me, Liz, and I don’t get out, I want you to get this note to Gibsie. Can you do that for me?” Sniffling, she pulled back to look in my eyes. “I want you to tell him everything you told me tonight, and then I want you both to go to the police…”
“Can I give you a hug?” I heard Gibsie ask, distracting me from my frazzled thoughts. “Would that be okay?” Sniffling, I nodded and watched him climb off his swing and walk over to me.
Please help, I mentally begged, and then, whether it was real or not, I placed my last shred of hope in my friend’s coat pocket. Please save me.
“I’m hugging my friend,” Gibsie replied, tightening his arms around me. “Her sister just died. I know what that feels like.”
“Go back to the house, Gibson,” he instructed. “I need to talk to my girlfriend’s sister.” No, Gibs! Don’t go. Please don’t leave me. “I, ah, I want to stay with her,” I heard my friend protest, but his voice shook almost as much as his body when he spoke. “Hugh had to go home for an hour, and he told me to stay with Liz. He told me not to leave her.”
“You know you were holding your sister’s killer, don’t ya?” he mused, taking the seat on the swing next to mine. “It’s his fault this happened.” I didn’t dare look at him, keeping my attention trained on Gibsie’s back as he disappeared from my line of sight. “If Caoimhe were here, she’d be so disappointed in you.” He sighed heavily. “Hugging the person responsible for her death.”
“He filled your sister’s head with poison,” he continued to say, tormenting my mind with self-doubt. “It’s her birthday today and she’s not here to celebrate it because of that little prick, so don’t you ever forget who’s truly responsible for her death.”
“There’s nothing I can do to help her. Gibsie saw to that when he filled her head with lies.” He set me back down only to turn me around to face him. “Say it, munchkin.” He gripped my throat and pushed me against the barrier. “Tell me you understand what happens when you lie.” He slammed me against the rail again. “Tell me who’s responsible for this? Who told lies and killed your sister?” “I…” Tears trickled down my cheeks. “…he did.” “And who’s he?” Another tear rolled down my cheek. “Gibsie.” “And what’ll happen to your little boyfriend if you even think about telling lies about me like
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“I’ll take you with me, though. Wherever I end up, I’ll always have your pictures.” Protect yourself and don’t ever go back there. Never again. “And I’ll aways be with you, too. You’ll never forget me, munchkin.” Just block it out. “A girl never forgets her first.” Let yourself go. Just drift off. “And I’ll always be your first everything, munchkin.” Up, up, and away.
“Oh, yeah? Well, I find that really hard to believe given the circumstances,” I shot back, wrapping a protective arm around Liz. “I mean, it’s not like you have a good track record of being there when you’re needed.” “How dare you speak to me like that,” Mark seethed, jerking off the swing. “You have some fucking nerve to say that to my face.” “Yeah, well, someone needed to,” I shot back, unwilling to show empathy to an asshole who didn’t deserve it. “The truth hurts, asshole, but it’s still the truth.”
“You treated your girlfriend like she was a piece of meat. Like she was a subpar human, whose sole purpose on earth was to please you. Instead of taking care of her like a man is supposed to, you impregnated her and ruined her future!” “I took care of that,” he seethed, looking truly rattled that I knew his dirty little secret. “I looked after my girlfriend.” “Yeah, you did a great job of looking after your girlfriend when you ferried her off in the middle of her leaving cert.” I narrowed my eyes in disgust. “Boyfriend of the year in the making.”
“That’s a hard question,” I replied thoughtfully, scratching my chin. “The scientist in me says no, but the Catholic in me says yes.” Sprawled out on the grass, I leaned back on my elbows and looked at her. “Do you believe in heaven, Liz?”
Betrayal more potent than anything I’d ever felt overcame me when I locked eyes on the boy standing beside him. He stared back at me with gray eyes. Guilty eyes. How could he do that? How could he stand with him? Didn’t he know? He had to know. I did what she’d asked. She promised he would help. He hadn’t.
“Because she’s a fucking nutjob, that’s why!” Mark tossed back cruelly, still pointing at Liz. “And you ruined Caoimhe’s life the day you decided to bring that vicious little bitch into—” “Hey!” I roared, jumping into the mix. “Don’t even think about calling her names, you fucking asshole!”
“Leave my son out of your lies,” Sadhbh screamed, grabbing ahold of her son and dragging him away from both Lizzie and my sister. “Don’t you dare try to fill his head with your poison, you wicked, evil, little girl.”
“I thought you were my friend,” Lizzie cried, looking more broken in this moment than I’d ever seen her as she stared at Gibsie, who was standing with his family. “You’re supposed to be my friend.”
“Then tell them what you told my sister,” she begged, still on her hands and knees while my sister held her. “Tell them he killed my sister!” “He can’t because I didn’t do anything to your sister!” Mark roared, clamping a hand down on Gibsie’s shoulder. “I’m innocent and my brother knows that. Don’t you, Gibs?” “I don’t know what you want me to say,” Gibsie sobbed, crying as hard as Lizzie now. “I’m sorry, Liz, I wasn’t there.” Lizzie released one more gut-wrenching sob before looking Gibs right in the eyes and saying, “Don’t ever speak to me again.”
“What did you mean, Mark?” Caoimhe demanded. “What did you do to my sister?” “Can you stop screaming for one fucking second!” he roared back at her. “I’m trying to think.” “No, no, no, no!” Caoimhe released an earth-shattering scream. “Tell me you didn’t! Not Lizzie!” “Caoimhe, stop screaming and let me explain…”
My thoughts were muddled, and I tried so hard to make it all make sense, but all my efforts of explaining came out as a jumbled mess of frantic pleas and frenzied accusations that nobody seemed to take seriously.
The excruciating keening sound that came out of a bereaved mother when her child died was hauntingly distinctive and something I hoped like hell I would never have to endure for a third time.
Moving straight for her, I kicked off my shoes and climbed under the covers next to her. “Hi, baby, it’s me,” I heard myself whisper and then quickly frowned when I realized the endearment that had escaped my lips. Whoa. I’d never called Liz that before. Even stranger was the fact that it felt right. Like I was supposed to call her that.
The only problem was Lizzie’s memories were fractured, fragments that needed to be carefully pieced together, and only time could restore them. How much time, I had no idea, but if I pushed her now for more than she was capable of divulging, she would slip back inside her mind, and I would lose her again. I refused to do that because, selfishly, I wanted to keep her healthy more than I wanted to know the truth.
“I’m the one supposed to drown, not her,” she explained. “I’m going to die in water, Hugh.”
“Because of my dream.” “What dream?” “The one where I’m trying to swim to the surface and someone is pushing my head under.”
“I’m going to grow up, Liz. One day, I’ll be a man, and if that prick even looks in your direction, I’ll put him in the ground.”
Shifting closer, I pressed my forehead to hers once more and whispered, “And I will never let that animal do to you, Claire, or any other girl what he did to your sister. But mostly you.” “Why mostly me?” “Because I love you most of all.”
If only he knew omg
“What did you do to her?” she continued to scream, knocking him to the floor. “How long has this been going on?” “She wanted it, I swear,” he tried to plead, pinning my sister down. “She was always jealous of us. What I have with you. She’s a fucking whore, baby. Your sister led me on. You have no idea what she’s capable of.”
Nobody believed me. Except Hugh, my mind encouraged, the brave knight believes his lady.
“No.” My body turned to stone in his arms. “I can’t.” “Don’t be so hasty,” he continued to tease, lips brushing against my bare shoulder. “This skin needs sunshine.” He pressed an affectionate kiss to the curve of my neck. “Think of the vitamin D.”
Because Hugh would never choose between us, which meant that he chose him. Just like Claire and Patrick had chosen him, too. I was the disposable person in our friendship group. They would never leave him behind because to the Biggs family, Gerard Gibson was indispensable. He was more their family than I ever would be, and it hurt.
“My sister’s dead, and my mother’s dying!” Pulling so hard on my hair, a clump came away in my hand, I tossed it away and quickly reached for my shorts-clad thighs. “Lizzie, please—” “My father hates me, and I’ve lost all my friends!” Digging my nails into my skin, I tore at my flesh deep enough to draw blood. “I wish I could switch places with Caoimhe!” Ignoring his protests, I continued to scream and claw at my skin. “I wish I fucking died that night!”
“But I’m bipolar,” I croaked out, feeling my body grow limp against his. He kissed my temple. “I know.” “That’s not good.” “Says who?” Sniffling, I choked out a pained sob. “Everyone.”
I wouldn’t have pissed on the prick if he was on fire.
It wasn’t just an ankle bracelet. It was the most beautiful ankle bracelet I’d ever seen. I felt my body grow hot as I registered how each individual charm had been carefully selected by my boyfriend. “The Gemini zodiac sign for your birthday, and the heart represents, well, you know.” He blushed a deeper shade of red. “The book represents the one I know you’re going to write one day, and the pill is so you remember to take yours.” “The witch’s broomstick?” His lips twitched. “Because you’re my little witch.” I smiled. “And the life buoy?” “I couldn’t stop thinking about what you told me,
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“Goddammit, Liz,” I strangled out, breathing ragged, when I found her fast asleep on top of her sister’s grave. “Your mam is looking for you.” She wasn’t even dozing—no, she was in a deep sleep because she didn’t even twitch when I spoke.
I could feel the darkness was settling over her, threatening to overtake her, and I was determined to keep her heart in the sunshine. No matter what.
“Do you know if you’re getting it yet?” I asked, feeling a flicker of excitement inside of me. “The student of the year award?” “Yeah, Liz,” he replied, scrubbing his face to hide his smile. “I’m getting it.” “I knew you would,” I replied, feeling proud. “I’m so proud of you.”
“First, you’ll take Tommen College by storm, and then Trinity College, and then the whole world.” “I hope so, Liz.” “I know so, Hugh.”
“You sound like you’ve put a lot of thought into this.” “That’s because I have.” “Since when?” “Since the day you told me you would say yes if I asked you to marry me,” he replied without a hint of hesitation. “So you better keep that heart beating, ya hear?” He pressed a kiss to my shoulder. “Because I need you, Lizzie Young. More than you realize.”
