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That settles it. I must have been a volunteer meter maid in a past life who evicted two-legged puppies in her free time. That's the only explanation for why the universe has it out for my dating life.
"Please tell me you didn't actually climb out a window," Jessica says when I answer. "Okay, I didn't actually climb out a window," I say flatly, spotting a cab and raising my hand to flag it down. "I levitated through it using my previously undiscovered psychic powers."
snort into my wine glass. Sure, buddy. That's why there's no photo, because you're all so devastatingly attractive you'd crash the server.

