Fat Chance

by Nick Spalding

There was the incident when Greg and I got caught ‘enjoying each other’s company’ by the vice principal in the art department store room. That probably had a lot to do with it. I doubt the vision of me with my legs kicked in the air and Greg pumping me hard enough to knock several third-years’ paintings off the wall did much for our prospects that year. It’s a wonder we’ve both got jobs. I’ve

Lol well shit

Dieting is bloody miserable. It’s really no fun at all. I know: I tried it once and really didn’t get on with it. There’s only so many times you can eat salad and walk five miles on a treadmill before your will to live starts to dribble out of your ears.

‘Oh, fuck a badger, alright,’

What??! No!! 🤣🤣

‘What the hell have you done to yourself?’ I blurt out, almost involuntarily. ‘My costume, you mean?’ she says and grins like a maniac. ‘Yes!’ ‘I’m Cheggers!’ For a second, I don’t quite get what she means. Is Cheggers a newly discovered disease of the mind that forces you to dress like an utter twat?

‘When do you think you won’t be fat?’ ‘I beg your pardon?’ ‘When do you think you won’t be fat?’ This is the most depressing question I’ve ever been asked. ‘I don’t know.’ ‘I hope you’re not fat soon.’ ‘Well, thanks for that.’ ‘I really want you and Shane to win.’ ‘I’m married to Greg.’ ‘Oh, I thought you were Shane’s wife.’ ‘No. I’m married to Greg.’ ‘Oh. Well, I don’t really like you two, to be honest.’ ‘Really? Your dog has a stupid name and it looks like a toilet brush. Goodbye.’

Lol that’s a retort XD

‘Yes! Yes! I can’t believe I’m meeting you!’ Then Veronica lifts her poncho. ‘Will you sign my tits?’

Lmfao wut

here. You have to find what works for you. There are a thousand companies out there that will claim their product is the perfect weight loss tool for everyone, but it doesn’t work like that. You can’t just create a catch-all product that suits every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Especially Dick. We all have different tolerances, strengths, and weaknesses, and it’s only through trial and error that you arrive at the right method for you. Hopefully you can learn a bit from my mistakes, though. There is no shortcut when it comes to exercise. You have to commit yourself to it properly—and understand that you do have to put a lot of effort in. Don’t be fooled by websites, infomercials, or magazine advertising claiming an easy way to a thinner body. They’re lying to you, and taking a great deal of money from your pocket that could be used for something far more productive. Keep it simple, that’s my new motto.