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Sad people are not always as deserving of our pity as they seem. Everyone has a limit at which they abandon their own morality,
“Doing a tremendous job of convincing me you’re not obsessed with me, Twist. Do you shout my name in your dreams, too?”
“Only when it’s a nightmare.”
“So I’m on your mind.”
Even a fabricated moment with the wrong person feels better than loneliness.
“If you weren’t so unbearable, I’d make you look freshly kissed,” he whispers.
The girl in front of me swivels round to face us, eyes brimming with curiosity. “How was it?” I give her a shy smile. “It was great. The big ones hurt, so…Alex is perfect.” He laughs in disbelief beside me, leaning forward to be closer to our curious neighbor. “Best two inches of her life.”
“Ophelia, Ophelia, Ophelia. What am I going to do with you?”
I wish I wasn’t so aware of him, of the aftershave that clings to his rugby hoodie, or the gold ring on his pinky finger. Of the low exhale that leaves his lips when he stretches his arms over his head, or the way the tattoos look when he brings them back down.
He’s just a man. I’m just a woman. I’m allowed to think he’s pretty and hate him all at once.
This feeling, this loneliness, is the price I pay for loving them so much and so deeply. Though it eats away at my happy moments and sinks my bad moments lower, I know I’d rather grieve them than feel nothing at all. It keeps our love alive.
He’s standing behind me, close enough that his chest kisses my back each time he inhales. “He didn’t deserve it.” My shoulders tense. “The date?” “That dress.”
Perhaps Alex is not his father at all.
From: Alex Corbeau-Green Subject: Oneirology (noun) the scientific study of dreams Date: Monday 21st October 05:44 BST To: Ophelia Winters In the nineteen times it’s happened in my head, my first time on top of you didn’t look like this.
He takes a step forward. “Don’t make me chase you.” I take a step back. “I have stamina.” “I’d rather find that out a different way.”
Life was easier before I realized her tights were stockings.
Ophelia feels like finding another human after months in the desert. A light permeating the thick black cloud. When my wayward mind wanders, it staggers back home to her. She’s everything I’ve been asking the universe for, and she fucking hates me.
I’ve split myself into so many pieces for so many people, I haven’t got the fight left in me to be selfless anymore.
While they need me, I’ll be unbreakable.
“Tell me you missed me.” I look back up at him, at the hunger in his gaze. “I’d rather choke you.” His eyes smolder, lips part. “You could’ve told me that was an option.”
I’m beginning to love the need for control that lives inside him. Maybe there’s a darkness in me, too, because I don’t want him to hold back for me. I don’t think I want gentle.
“Ophelia, my love.”
I’ll love you with the same intensity that you hate me. I’ll hold on to you just as hard as you push me away. I’ll fix you like you’re fixing me. I’ll always be here, Ophelia, I’ll sit at the bottom of valleys and stand on the top of mountains with you. We’re too good not to work.”
Forget dying for her. I’d live for her. I feel like I could overcome all the darkness inside if only it meant I’d get a life in her company in return.
I love every piece of you, especially the parts that you’ve convinced yourself aren’t worthy of my love.”
“You can take it, baby. I’ll help you.”
“Let’s go home,” he whispers. “Home?” Each gentle kiss on my hair mends another crack in my heart. “Wherever you want, love. It’s home if we’re there.”
