Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf (The Unconventional Heroes, #1)

by L.G. Estrella

Magic is all well and good, but there are times when a high level of cardiovascular fitness is better.

“Go back to the pits of hell!” Okay, that was excessive and melodramatic, but yelling helped keep him energised when he had to bash one of his errant creations to death. Besides, a good necromancer had to be able to sound threatening. He might as well multitask and get some practice in.

now he had a cramp in his shovel-swinging arm to go with the crick in his back.

Ok... but why not just dig its brain out?

Not all of their assassins were legendary swordsmen or greedy mages. No, one of the more recent attempts on his life had featured a clan of abnormally intelligent ninja rats that could turn invisible.

Nobody ever expected killer rats, especially killer ninja rats that could turn invisible.

Just like the Spanish inquisition

his writing had come to very closely resemble the scratch marks left by an inebriated chicken.

Same dude

“Are you serious? You want us to find and recruit She Who Cannot Be Named Because Of Her Penchant For Fiery Violence And General Bloodthirstiness?” “Yes, that’s what the Council wants.”