Vice & Violet (Pacific Shores Book 4)

by Sarah A. Bailey

The only thing worse than falling into unrequited love is grieving it.

Sometimes, I daydream about killing myself. Not even because I want to. I don’t think I ever would. Maybe I should and I’m a coward, or maybe deep down I still believe there is something to live for, but regardless, I think about it.

But when you’re the villain in the story, and everyone else is living in their epilogue, it’s probably best not to show your face around the memorial events of the horror you helped cause.

In theory, avoidance should be effortless. If I kept her out of my sight, she’d be out of my mind. Though, I must’ve forgotten just how deeply burrowed into my brain she truly is. It doesn’t matter if she’s standing right in front of me, or on another planet entirely, I’m thinking of her, dreaming of her, sometimes dreading her.

“Oh?” August leans an elbow on the counter, blocking my view of the bartender and cutting him out of the conversation entirely. “Why don’t you tell him whose roof you live under, Elena? Who you invite into your bed?” He smirks, giving me a once-over. “Better yet, tell him who you wore that dress for tonight, and then remind us both who will be taking it off you later.”

“Look at you. Flushed and trembling. Watch yourself when you tell me that I’m the only one who can make you feel this way.”

“Keep pretending you hate me while you watch yourself come on my tongue.”

“I want your ass, Elena. I want what no one else has ever had.”

“I want to stretch it, fuck it, come inside it and watch my release drip from you afterward. Do you think you’d like that?”

Never trusted anyone enough to do so, but fuck, I want to try everything with August. I want to submit to him wholly, offer him my body, because he’s long owned my soul. I want to relinquish my control to him. Let go of the shackles tied to my desires, because in our basest form, he’s as depraved as I am. Inside our own darkness, we’re safe enough to embrace it.

“I’m going to add a second finger. I want you to slip a hand between your pretty thighs and play with your clit for me, okay? We’re going to watch through the mirror as I make you fall apart while I finger-fuck your ass.”

His emerald eyes burn through a thousand shades of green behind his glasses as they bore through mine. I’m transfixed by him—his beauty, his touch, his taste. The contrast of rough dominance and soft caress, the whiplash of his dichotomies driving me to the brink of delicious insanity.

“Look how pretty you are after I’ve made you come. How breathtaking you look when you submit to me.”

“You’ve always been the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” That hand cups my cheek, and he brushes over my lip. “But you’re beyond words when you’re wearing the glow only I can give you, the beauty that belongs only to me.”

I don’t know what it says about me that I want to own her so badly I’m unwilling to let her gift another man with something so simple as a laugh.

As they pull away, she glances around the room in search of something, and when her eyes find mine, her lips tug into a wide smile. The exact kind of smile I vividly remember seeing that very first time, because it made me question the chances of an eleven-year-old boy going into cardiac arrest after my heart took off in a gallop so fierce it could’ve knocked me on my ass.

I follow her, feeling somewhat like a dog—her leash around my goddamn soul.

“Did you ever fall in love again?” she asks, startling me after a long bout of silence. “No,” I say. “I think I was destined to love the same person all my life.”

I wonder what thoughts might have been floating through her psyche that woke her, compelled her to ask me if I’ve been in love since her. I wonder why she’d even entertain it, when it’s always been clear that I was created with her soul in mind.

“You’re so deeply etched into the fabric of my being, the depths of my soul, that I find I’m incapable of doing anything but loving you.”

“Lucky day for you to get off work early, huh?” He gives me a bemused expression as he lifts off the tub. “I didn’t get off early. I left when Leo said you weren’t feeling well.”

A bead of water rolls between her perky, hard tits, dripping down her stomach like the stars I inked on her sternum years ago. I’m fighting the urge to fall to my knees and crawl to her. Beg to lick every drop off her body, until I’m the only cause of her wetness. What does it say about me that I’m jealous of the fucking water? I’m disgustingly envious of every drop that runs down her skin, wishing it were my hands instead.

She smiles as she steps away from me and back into my bedroom before halting. I know she’s taking in the made-up bed, overflowing with pillows I brought down from her room. The television turned on and set to the same episode of Real Housewives she was watching in the bath. A fresh pair of sweatpants and her favorite crewneck sit folded at the edge of my mattress. The table on the opposite side of the bed from where I sleep has her e-reader, a fresh mug of tea, and her dinner sitting beside it.

“You’ve always been my undoing,” I whisper, bringing my hand to her cheek. “Sometimes I fear you may be my detriment.” Her eyes fall closed as I make contact with her soft skin. “But right now, Elena, you are my salvation.”

“For you to think I’ve ever seen anyone but you—it is endlessly infuriating.” He huffs another flat laugh, nodding toward the parking lot. “Go get in the truck. I’m taking you home.”

“We’re not done yet.” I grip her hips and roll her against me. “I’m still punishing you for being a brat. For questioning my loyalty to this exquisite body.” I

“So, you’re going to bounce on Daddy’s cock like a good girl, until that pretty little cunt is so full of my cum that you never again wonder who either of us belongs to.”

She cries out at the sensation, bracing her hands on the top of the chair above my head. I lift my arms, sliding my palms beneath hers so she can hold onto me instead.

There is nothing left of us as individuals, only whatever being we became when fused together.

“Don’t apologize,” I whisper. “Do you want to go to your room?” “No.” He shakes his head. “But if you want me to leave, I can. I’m sorry.” That pulls a breathless laugh from me. “I’m sorry, let me rephrase that. I’ll be sleeping where you are tonight. Do you want to stay here, or do you think you’d sleep better if we were in your bed?” His lips twitch. “We can stay here.”

“I won’t use that phrase anymore, then. But you’re certainly not a burden. I want to be the rock you lean on. The shoulder you cry on. The chest you sleep on.”

“Oh. H… Hi.” “Hi.” Elena tosses her a saccharine smile. “I’m Elena, by the way.” “Maggie,” she murmurs, slumping back into the stool. “I’ve heard a lot about you.” “I know.” Elena walks toward the door, crooking her finger at me to follow. I know it’s a display of possession over me, and fuck if it’s not the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my goddamn life.

“You’re a great worker, Maggie. I appreciate what you do, and I like having you as a staff member,” I say softly. “But if I ever hear you speak about Elena again, you’ll be out of a job before you can finish the fucking sentence. Are we in agreement on that?”

“Grab my headboard, Elena, and sink down on my face. Full fucking weight. No teasing, baby. Smother me.”

“I want you to tell me that it’s never been like this with anyone else,” I whisper softly. “I want to know that I’m the only one who’s ever made you feel this way.” “Only you, Elena. I can’t remember anything before you anymore, and I don’t want to.” He lets out a shuddering breath against my flesh. “You’re all that matters.”

“I can’t believe you were always right there, and it took me so long to see you,”

When I glance up at her, she’s smiling like I lassoed the moon and handed it to her, and I have no idea how or why I got lucky enough to have her look at me like that. To have her in front of me like this. To even be granted the privilege of witnessing her existence.

Elena’s completely bared to me, dressed only in the ink across her skin—the ink I put there.

“It’s different with you. With you it’s…possession. It’s ownership. I’m taking that slice of your flesh—your body and your soul—and making it mine. I have never felt that way tattooing someone else before, but it’s not the same as when I draw you. The drawings are an appreciation.”

“And it is because of Elena that I haven’t had those thoughts in months. It’s Elena who holds me in the middle of the night after I’ve had a night terror. It is Elena who makes space for all of the grief I cannot bear to hold on my own, even at the detriment to herself.”

“I fell in love with you instantly. The moment I saw you. Right in front of my childhood home, at eleven years old, I knew then that I’d never love someone else.

It doesn’t change what happened, and it doesn’t minimize the love you had for him—or he for you. If you hadn’t loved him, he wouldn’t magically still be here. The world doesn’t work like that, no matter how much you convince yourself it does. I don’t know the reason for all of it. Maybe I’ll find out when I die, or maybe I’ll never know at all, but for some reason he was meant to leave when he did. I think whatever force makes those types of decisions knew that already, and wanted to make sure he got to experience that kind of love before he went.”

“Your love is a gift. To him. To me. I hate the reality where he left us, and I wish that he was here, but in every single reality that exists, it was meant to be you and me, Elena.”

“I love you as a person. I love you as a woman. I love you as a friend. I love you when you’re near me and when you’re far away. I’ve loved you when you didn’t love me back. I’ve loved you when I wish I hated you.”

“You’re ingrained into the fabric of my being. Your name is carved into my bones and etched across my soul. There is not a reality that I exist in where I don’t love you. I’ll never leave it up for debate, I’ll never allow you to question it. I will never be apart from you without it being clear.

“I love you when I’m living, and I’ll love you when I’m dead. I loved you when you were my best friend. I loved you when I watched you love someone else. I loved you when you were my enemy and my bad habit and my vice. There is no sin you could commit, no mistake you could make. I’ll keep loving you through ...

I smile, and Leo tilts his head as he studies me. “August, are you in love with her?” “Yeah,” I breathe. “She in love with you?” A grin splits my cheeks so wide I have to dip my head bashfully. “Yeah.”

“I can tell you that I’m fucking crazy about her. Literally. I’d die for her, and I’m not even exaggerating, but I think you both knew that already. She’s been my best friend my entire life, and the two of us are inherently better people when in the presence of the other. I can tell you with certainty that whenever she is hurt in life, whatever the reason, I’ll be there to mend her broken pieces. I think I’ve proven that of myself by now. There are no lengths I won’t go to for her, and you can think what you want of the choice we’ve made, but your opinion won’t change it.”

“We were meant to be together back then. We’re meant to be together now.”

“I love you so fucking much, Elena. You know that, right?” “Yes,” she whimpers. “Good,” I breathe against her skin. “Because I’m about to fuck you like I hate you.”