Problematic Summer Romance (Not in Love, #2)

by Ali Hazelwood

“You built a nice adulthood over the ruins of a shitty adolescence,” my therapist once said, and I enjoy the mental image of it. The idea of life as something I could choose, cultivate day by day, curate and nurture. Being mindful, instead of reactive.

Oh Ali knows what’s up with the therapist conversations

Are he and I flirting? Am I about to embark on a steamy affair with a spry septuagenarian (or a particularly rough-looking quinquagenarian)?

“You’re too kind.” “Oh, I’m not. I’m not even kind enough.

“Ah, yes. The raw, unbaked prefrontal cortex of juvenescence.”

if he talked with only Conor and Lucrezia, he could stick to Italian. I don’t mind being excluded, especially after overhearing the phrase “Staphylococcus aureus.” It is, I believe, Latin for: These fucking morons.

Incredible

“I shouldn’t have let his cuteness blind me.” “Cuteness? He looks like he was drawn by my right hand.”

STOP

Avery doesn’t like oranges, and was thus spared from The Staphening.

The Staphening

“Oh my god.” I blink at my plate. “This is beauty. And grace. And what separates humanity from beasts. A Sicilian breakfast.” “Colazione,” Lucrezia says, squeezing the ball of my shoulder with an affectionate strength that could easily dislocate my spinal cord, then leaving again. Nyota sighs. “God, our country is so behind.”

By unanimous decision, the plan for the day is: beach.

My job is beach

“I was megging him.” “Maya, megging involves dribbling the ball through someone else’s spread legs.”

I thought megging was male negging

“Have some water. It’ll calm you down.” “No. It’s always water this and water that, but when I try to drink the blood of my enemies—”

I support women’s rights and wrongs

“I believe that the brush with death rekindles their love, and after a passionate declaration they celebrate the impermanence of life with several bouts of improbably orgasmic sexual intercourse.” “Sounds like a good book. Maybe you should bring it on our next beach vacation.” “Oh, I will.” “Cool. We’re going to buddy-read it.”

Is this literally the plot of Beach Read?

I try very hard not to let my real opinion show, but I hold on to my deeply held beliefs: all wine tastes the same, and that same is rotten grapes.

And she’s right

“The second best thing about meeting Eli, is that it led to you becoming my family.” “Second after Tiny, or second after Eli?” She considers it. “May I amend my previous statement?” “Third, huh?”

Yeah okay I’m laughing