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According to my father, next to death, anger is the only constant in life. When Mom and Grandma aren’t around, his father, my grandpa, says anger is a part of our heritage—unforgiving and endless.
That smile feels like the eighth wonder of the world. The stupid, selfish part of me wishes she’d direct it my way, but she’s always favored animals over humans. Everything over me.
When her hand slides closer, her fingers interlocking with mine, I feel I might explode into a million little pieces. I think this must be what death is like, and I wonder how she’d react if I told her. Dying doesn’t seem all that bad. Not if it’s like this. Not if it’s with you.
“If there’s a creature out there worse than a human, I’ve yet to be convinced.”
The bloodline is tainted. Cronus placed this fate upon their heads. If a descendant steps onto this campus, it is the duty of Avernia to ensure they do not remain if we are to avoid the curse that plagues them. Remember the law of three. Unity will result in our failure—they will be the destruction of us all.
“Now.” Turning, he faces the corpse. “One of the most important things I will ever teach you,” he says in a low, steady voice, like he’s been waiting for this exact moment, which I find fucking weird, “is how to properly clean up your messes.”
Right now, he’s just my best friend. The only boy I’ve ever loved. And the one I know will never break my heart.
The fight I was in this afternoon was with some asshole who didn’t like Lucy’s science project on the alternatives to fossil fuels, so she doesn’t admonish me for the fact that I showed up tonight bloodied and bruised. They called her stupid. I broke their jaw.
Is that the kind of thing she’s into? Extreme jealousy and overprotection? Have I not been doing enough?
Turns out I’m interested, but only where Lucy Aberdeen Wolfe is concerned. I only want anything with her.
Despair scratches at my bones, and I want to stop and demand he go with me anyway. I want to tell him I need him there—I’ve always needed him, the way a plant needs water or the moon needs gravity to keep from flying off into space.
Granted, it’s not solely her fault that I’ve wound up here. But she’s not innocent either. She has to know I’d have followed her anywhere. Eventually. Right? Despite everything…she has to know that us being apart wouldn’t have been forever.
I’d go to the ends of the earth if she asked me to.
Swallowing over the knot in my throat, I lift my hands to his chest, flattening my palms. “Does it feel like you might die if you don’t kiss me?” Say yes. Let me know I’m not alone at least. He nods. Inches closer. I shove him backward, using every ounce of strength and the advantage of surprise to twist away from him. “Then die.”
But I guess maybe there’s a part of me that will always assume the worst. Once you’ve been ditched with no explanation, your heart shattered and left flattened on the floor, believing someone wants to stay becomes an insurmountable feat.
“After three years without a word, I want to hear anything you have to say.”
IM SCREAMING
“I did it for you.”
“I would raze the earth just for a smile from you. There is nothing I would not do, and especially if you were ever harmed or endangered. I know you hate violence…you would not enjoy the man I’d become in the event of your demise.”
I pause, giving him an incredulous look. “Something is very wrong with you.”
“There is,” he says, his voice solemn in a way that feels alarming. “But let’s go get drunk and forget about it. I’ll keep ya safe if anyone tries anything weird.”
Truthfully, we haven’t really talked about what we are, and I don’t want to be the needy one who brings it up, even though I desperately crave the label. Having things neatly blocked off makes my brain feel more relaxed, and whatever I have going on with Asher makes my heart happy but is also fucking with me mentally.
NOOOO
“For a long time, I was afraid of you, being my son. I didn’t want you to be like me, and you are in so many ways. But I’m okay with that. I’ve made my peace with it because you’re a better version of me. By a million miles. Sometimes, it just seems like you get stuck on your negative emotions, and they end up ruling when you should be making better decisions. I try not to interfere unless you ask, but when it comes to protecting the people you love, that isn’t something to skimp on. Ever. I’m sorry if that feels unfair or if I haven’t been the best role model for it, but that is the Anderson
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But I’ve always sort of resented the savior complex he seemed to have. No matter what, day or night, if someone he loved had a problem, he was there for them. Which meant there were a dozen or more people on the planet who took attention away from me.
But he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t love me. I know that much.
FUCKIN NO NOT KAL
“Because I don’t care about me. My conscience has been dead for a long time.” I cup her cheek, tilting her head. “But you? I love that yours is free. I don’t want to fucking change a thing about you.”
My heart shatters with the realization that neither of us was kind to him. Not the way he deserves. And maybe that’s what guilt is—a culmination of events and neglect that causes other people to get hurt. People who would never do it back to you. Who would sacrifice themselves for you.
Trust and healing are still things you have to work at, especially when you’ve been burned before.
And when she seals our mouths once more, I really lean in to the sensation of being in her arms. Of never having to leave them. Because when I’m here, tangled up in her moonlight, my anger doesn’t feel so endless.
