The One That Got Away

by Mike Gayle

Beth, my ex, the love of my life, the woman who dumped me just a few short weeks ago, really is getting married.

I felt sure, in my heart, in my gut, that our split was only temporary, that our story wasn’t over.

This was not the way we were meant to end up; we were supposed to get our hard-earned, written-in-the-stars, course-of-true-love-never-did-run-smooth-but-comes-good-eventually happy ever after. What on earth went wrong?

It’s like a stab through the heart, a punch to the gut or a frying pan to the face, and I’m stopped in my tracks. It’s all very well knowing in theory that Beth is about to get married to someone else, but to see them together with my own eyes, to witness the obvious affection between them first-hand – it’s just too much.

‘Have you not listened to a thing I’ve been saying to you all week? Today’s your Anti-Wedding Day. Today we’re doing all the things that are going to help you forget about . . . you know what.’

LOL this kind of friend

He turns somewhat theatrically and looks in the direction of the road, where a bright-red car is parked – a car which, to my eye, looks suspiciously like a Ferrari 458 Spider. My jaw falls open. ‘You didn’t?’ Pete grins. ‘Oh yes I did.’ ‘But . . . but how?’ ‘I cashed in some savings, didn’t I?’ ‘Pete, you idiot, tell me you haven’t spent your mortgage deposit!’ He shrugs. ‘Of course not, just some of it. It’s a hire, and you’ve only got it for the next . . .’ He checks his watch. ‘Twenty-two hours and eight minutes. And if you crash it, I’m screwed. But I couldn’t leave my boy hanging in his time of need, could I? It’s what bros are for.’

Oh no you didn't!! Peeteee!!?!???

‘Actually, yeah, I could do with a hand. I’m looking for a self-help book – not for me, you understand, I’m absolutely fine. Well, maybe fine’s not the word, I suppose okay would be a better one . . . Yes, I’m okay. What was the question again?’

Cute omfg

I beamed at her. ‘You’ve sold it to me. I’ll take it.’ ‘Glad to be of help. Is there anything else you need?’ Just your phone number, thanks, I imagined myself saying suavely.

HAHAAHHHAH

‘I’m going to be better than alright, mate. I’m finally going to get Beth back.’

Basically, you just use every opportunity that comes your way to talk to people, but make the conversation about them, not you, and have no expectations about anything other than having a good chat with a stranger.

‘Come on then, Beth, whatever it is, just come out with it.’ She cleared her throat. ‘You think I’m perfect? Well, I’m not, and here’s just one of the many reasons why: I don’t believe in love.’ I spluttered a laugh of relief. She was joking after all. ‘You really had me going for a minute.’ Beth wasn’t laughing though. Her face was deadly serious. ‘I mean it, Reuben,’ she said. ‘I really don’t believe in love.’

Omg

‘I don’t . . . I don’t understand,’ I begin, just a little too loudly. ‘I don’t get it. How could you of all people have ended up on the verge of getting married when you don’t even believe in love?’

I believe people can like each other and want to spend time with each other . . . but all that stuff about being together forever? I don’t know, it feels a bit like a work of fiction, a lie we tell ourselves to make life more palatable. A way of explaining the kind of temporary chemical craziness that comes over people when they get together. It’s just molecules breaking apart and forming new bonds, it’s hormones playing tricks on us to fool us into keeping the species alive, and sooner or later it wears off.’

but is there a chance that we’ll split up? Of course there is, people split up every day. It’s just how it is and no amount of “believing” in everlasting love is going to make any difference.’

what sort of future are we going to have if she can’t even admit to loving me at all, let alone in the way that I love her?

‘It’s Leo,’ she says so quietly that she’s almost whispering. ‘You’re never going to believe this, but Amara’s just told me he’s got cold feet and done a runner.’

THE PLOT TWIST IS TWISTING

‘You know where I think it all went wrong for us?’ I ask, leaning against the car. Beth responds with a shake of her head. ‘It was that first time we stayed at Dad’s, that time when I said you were “perfect”.

Where’s the logic in trying to change someone you think is perfect? But ultimately, isn’t that what we all are? A seething mass of chaotic contradictions masquerading as rational human beings? You’re perfect, but I wish you talked more about your feelings. You’re perfect, but I wish you were a little less grumpy first thing in the morning. Or, in our situation, you’re perfect, but I just wish you believed in love the way I believe in it.’

‘Not if you’re still in love with Leo, not if you really still want to get married to him today. And you do, don’t you?’ There are tears in her eyes when she speaks. ‘More than anything.’ ‘In that case,’ I say, digging deeper than I’ve ever done before, deeper than I’ve ever had to, ‘we’d better get going. We’ve got ourselves a groom to track down.’

*hugs*

‘You what?’ I almost want to kick the table in frustration. What is it about people getting all philosophical, instead of just getting on with the basics of being happy?

You see, that’s the problem with “what ifs”, they work both ways, so if you think about it, they sort of cancel each other out. And all that’s left, all that matters, are the choices we make, choices that don’t come with a single assurance that they’re not going to end in disaster. Is there a chance that things might not work? Absolutely. But is there a chance they might? Most definitely. It’s like something my dad once told me, something he read in a self-help book: life doesn’t come with any guarantees, all you get – all any of us get – is what we get. So, in the end, all you can do is put your best foot forward, and keep doing that ’til the day you die.’

‘Mate, you’re never going to believe this,’ I say to my friend, who’s still hanging on at the other end of the line, ‘but it looks like I’m going to a wedding.’

HAHAAHHAHAHA omg I need to see this on screen

So if, like me, you learn that the love of your life is getting married and you end up wondering what to do on the day, would I recommend doing what I did? Well, no, not at all.

Fall in love – which I know sounds like a bit of a stretch, because when I asked my girlfriend, Alyssa, if I should include this one, she just pulled a face and rolled her eyes.

And as for the big question, the one that plagued Beth, Leo and me too: yes, she does believe in love, which is handy, because thankfully so do I.

The perfct way to end it