Careless People: A Cautionary Tale of Power, Greed, and Lost Idealism

by Sarah Wynn-Williams

My doctor comes into view and welcomes me back, saying something about how an anesthesiologist was about to knock me out so it’s lucky timing that I joined them now. As if I’d just arrived at a neighborhood barbeque. I ask repeatedly for Tom, I need him, and wheeze, “No anesthetic.” My doctor looks confused, then explains that I’m in an operating room undergoing emergency surgery and it’s very serious. I summon all my energy to say, “If you have general anesthetic … you can’t breastfeed … for three days.” This urgent need to breastfeed; funny how raw and powerful these basic maternal instincts are. Even when I am incapable of anything else. “Sarah, I don’t think you understand the situation.” My doctor pauses—maybe not wanting to tell me I’m dying? She then explains that Tom has already consented on my behalf. “I have to feed my baby. You need consent. My consent. Not his.” I’m desperate to stay conscious and see and hold and feed my baby. “Not his,” I insist. “Sarah, you’re very, very sick.…” I can tell my very capable doctor is both bemused and frustrated, arriving at an impasse that will rob her of precious time. She tries a different approach. “Someone give her a pen,” she says. And before I know it a pen comes into my line of vision. I reach for it but realize I can’t control my body. My hands won’t connect with the pen. When I get close to it my fingers can’t grasp it. “Sarah, are you able to get that pen and sign those forms?” I’m frozen, my voice is stuck, and I fe...