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I also work for the Consort of the Pack as a special advisor. The Consort refers to me as her nanny occasionally, and I find that term uniquely accurate. I would put one of those hideous child leashes on her if I could, except I’m reasonably sure she would cut my arm off.
Hey, here are some guys walking out of Unicorn Lane at night. They’re in good shape and look like they could kick my ass. I think I’m going to try to take their car at gunpoint. Sheer brilliance. Yep, this will totally work.
Sometimes the Universe smiled. Mostly she kicked me in the face, stomped on my ribs once I fell down, and laughed at my pain, but once in a while she smiled.
As soon as the engagement was announced, the Pack Clans converged and shot the idea of a quiet ceremony out of the water and then kept firing at it until it stopped convulsing and died.
Jim scowled at me. Usually when he scowled at people, they made a small squeaky noise and tried to look small and nonthreatening. Fortunately, I managed to scrape together enough valor and not faint.
“And you say I’m paranoid.” Jim pointed in the direction of Christopher’s escape. “What about him?” “He’s shattered. What’s your excuse?” “I have to work with your ass. You’ve driven me crazy.”
“What if we compromise?” I asked. Jim looked at me for a long second. “They’re going to need sweaters in hell.” Because me trying to be the voice of reason froze hell over.
“We’re going to Blue Ribbon Stables,” I said. “It’s the closest place to rent a horse.” “Why?” Desandra asked. “Because I can’t keep up with you on foot,” I said. “And she runs like a rhino,” Derek added. “You can hear her a mile away.” Traitor. “I thought you had my back?” “I do,” Derek said. “The rhino running is nice. Makes it easy to keep track of you. If I ever lose you, I just have to listen and there you are.”
I rode out of the stables on top of an eight-foot-tall donkey that looked like she had robbed a Holstein cow and was now wearing the stolen clothes. Robert gaped at me. Desandra made a weird face: her right eyebrow crept up, her left went down, and her mouth got stuck somewhere between surprise and the beginning of the word “what.” Derek’s mouth opened and didn’t close until we came to a halt next to him. “What the hell is this?” Desandra asked. “This is Cuddles. She’s a mammoth donkey.” Derek grinned, leaning on the fence. “Do you have any self-respect left?” “Nope.” “I think she’s cute.”
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“Fortune favors the brave,” I told her. It also kills the stupid, but I decided to keep that fact to myself.
“Anybody in my place would be concerned. You don’t even have a proper horse. You’re riding a mutant equine of unknown origin.”
“You know, if you have certain frustrations,” Ascanio said, “I would be happy to help you work them out.” Derek looked at me, pointed at Ascanio, and punched his left palm with his right fist a few times. I shook my head. No, you can’t pummel him.
“Hey, Kate? Have you thought of walking up to Hugh and telling him that he’s got the biggest dick ever?” She spread her arms to the size of a baseball bat. “No, you think it would work?” I asked. “It’s worth a try. Maybe he’ll be so happy you noticed his pork sword, he’ll forget all about trying to kill us.” Pork sword. Kill me now.
“I have a responsibility to my clan. These are my people. Nothing will deter me from advocating on their behalf. This lack of disclosure combined with your personal bias—” “I don’t have a personal bias, but you are working on it.” “—with your personal bias is dangerous for my clan. I want to know the nature of your relationship with Hugh d’Ambray . . .” “He wants to screw her, because she beat the shit out of him and they both have daddy issues over the same guy,” Desandra said. Robert froze midword, blinked, and looked at me. “Hugh d’Ambray is your brother and the two of you are sexually
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“It’s a tarasque. It comes from the south of France, grows to an enormous size, and it’s supposed to breathe fire.” Also according to the legends, a tarasque was a dragon. These guys looked more like cats who’d somehow sprouted rhino-like armor, but who was I to complain? “How did the French kill it?” Derek asked. “They sent a Christian virgin out, and she bound it with her hair and led it back into the city, where the citizens slaughtered it. We don’t have a virgin handy.” “No shit,” Desandra said. The central monster bared her teeth. They were thick, sharp, and crooked. “Quick, Derek, it’s
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We were short on time, but pissing off witches ranked right between sticking your hand into a hornet’s nest and telling Curran I’d made broccoli for dinner.
A hit-’n’-split was a lovely post-Shift euphemism. It wasn’t exactly a whorehouse and it wasn’t exactly a hotel. Most of the hit-’n’-splits were run out of converted apartment buildings. If you wanted to have sex with something that grew fur, scales, or feathers and you wanted to do it privately, you went to a hit-’n’-split, worked your kinks out of your system, and left with your humanity mostly intact. Nobody would be the wiser.
“The Repressed One is trying to tell you that some people like to screw shapeshifters in animal form while they themselves stay human,” Ascanio said. “They’re called sofies. Skin on fur.”
Speaking of prescriptions, you are to stay off your feet for as long as you can.” “Absolutely.” I got up. “I’ll open the door for you.” Doolittle growled. “At least have the decency to wait to ignore me until I leave.”
“Is that his sister?” Andrea asked to me. “No.” I had spoken with both of them. “I’d asked her that. Her name is Alina, she isn’t his sister, and she feels deeply sorry for his sisters, because if she had to put up with being in his presence for longer than a day, she would throw herself off the nearest bridge just to end the agony.” “Well,” Andrea said. “Glad she cleared that up.”
“How is it that you have no common sense? Were they all out when you were born?” Roman indicated his face. “I don’t need common sense. I have a double helping of charm.” “You mean a double helping of bullshit . . .”
This was heaven. “Hey, baby,” Hugh said. Heaven just got canceled.
All you have to do is say, ‘Hugh, please.’” “Stick a thumb up your ass and twirl on it.”
“Necro in the hole,” Jim called from above. I looked up in time to see Ghastek falling out of the ceiling. Curran caught him. “This is ridiculous,” Ghastek said.
“Your sword is made out of your grandmother’s bones?” “Okay, I see how it sounds weird when you say it in that tone of voice . . .”
“Well, he took it worse than I did,” Curran said. “I don’t see what the big deal is.” “It’s a sword made out of your grandmother’s bones, Kate.” I shrugged. Landon stared at me through the windshield, turned around, paced back and forth, and stared at me again. “Do you know what most people have from their grandmother? A tea set. Or a quilt.” Curran smiled. “If your family had a quilt, it would be made out of chimera skin and stuffed with feathers from dead angels.”
All that was missing was a neon sign that read EVIL AND CONFLICTED ABOUT IT with a flashing arrow pointing at his head.
Curran looked at me. “I’ve blown my cover,” I told him. “Now every weirdo with a drop of power will be coming over to investigate.” “It’s like you had a coming-out party,” Andrea said. “You’ve been presented to polite society, except now everybody wants to kill you.” “Spare me.” “Kate Daniels, a debutante.” Andrea grinned. “It’s not funny.” “It’s hilarious.”
“Daughter of Nimrod?” Curran asked quietly. “Nimr Rad, if you want to get technical about it. He who subdues leopards. The great hunter.” “Nimrod like in the Bible?” Curran asked. “The one who built the Tower of Babel?” “It’s an allegory,” I said. “My father and his contemporaries built a civilization of magic. It was great and mighty, like a tall tower. But they made the magic too strong and the Universe compensated by starting the first Shift. Technology began to flood the world in waves, and their civilization crumbled like the tower. The language of power words was lost.” “How old is your
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