Mate

by Ali Hazelwood

“Word of advice, killer?” he murmurs. “Stubborn and stupid is just a couple letters’ difference.” “You’re not the best speller, are you?”

You’re not going to pay for my stuff. It’s infantilizing.” His dark eyes travel down my body. Slowly. “As if I could ever do that,” he drawls.

“You did it. Look at you.” I grin wide, lift my eyes to meet his, and find that he’s already staring at me, black eyed and voracious. “Look at you,” he says.

I look up at him, confused. All at once, I’m hot all over. Liquid. Koen’s face, on the other hand, is etched in stone. “Serena,” he murmurs, scent spiking, voice otherworldly, and it feels like . . . I don’t know. A question, maybe. An invitation. A turn in the road, and the beginning of something.

“I told you,” he says calmly. All of a sudden, he’s ice cold. “I’m not interested.” My stomach hollows. The words reverberate through me, harsher than a slap.

The cabin smells like . . . Impossible. He must be losing his mind.

“He’s horny as fuck,” Amanda says, taking pity on me. “At the mercy of his own lustful concupiscence. Probably jerks off every three hours. I assume you were about to say that?”

“Serena, the Alpha of Northwest pack is traditionally asked to honor a celibacy covenant. He’s forbidden by law to engage in any kind of intimate relationships— emotional or physical.”

He told her that he would never touch her because he didn’t want her enough; in truth, he will never touch her because he wants her too much. The make-believe, he thinks, was kinder to both of them.

“Could reports of his passing have been greatly exaggerated?” “I ripped his heart out of his chest, chewed it for half a minute, and then spit it into the ocean.” I nod slowly. “A simple ‘no’ would have sufficed.”

“Your name doesn’t fucking matter. You are my killer. Okay?” A laugh hiccups out of me, a little wet. “Okay.”

“Why would I come with you?” “Because the idea of having you out of my sight makes me want to flip those cars one by one.” I stifle my chuckle. “The Assembly is very concerned that you’re breaking your covenant. I doubt me coming with you would help your case.” “Good point.” He seems to consider it. “On the other hand, fuck my case.”

“No one ‘lets’ me do stuff or go places,” I point out tiredly. “That’s not how it works, Koen.” “If you were mine, it would. And clearly, you fucking should be.” I can’t tell if it’s a threat or a promise.

He bends further, and there isn’t a single trace of doubt on his face. He’s an immovable object and an unstoppable force. And he says, slowly, “If you think I’m going to let you die, Serena, you know fuck all.”

“When I die— ” “Not on my fucking watch, Serena.”

He easily resigned himself to a lifetime without her, but . . . Simply put, he is unwilling to contemplate a universe in which she no longer exists.

“But you should know that because you’re his mate, at the base of— ” “Stop.” At the what of what? “I liked you better when you were a virgin.” “Yeah, well, Lowe didn’t. So.”

His hand comes up to snatch my chin. “You could be fucking good, for once.” “I can try?” I smile. My lower lip pushes against his thumb.

I would give a year of my life, a year I don’t even have, to press a kiss against the corner of his lips. Lower, where the stubble is quickly regrowing. I would do illegal, maybe even unethical things, in exchange for the right to bury my nose in the crook of his throat, where the scent of him is densest.

“You can . . .” Fuck me. Even as overwhelmingly aroused, as dripping wet as I am, I can’t bring myself to say it. I try again. “We can do whatever you like, I . . .” Will do whatever you ask me to. For you. Don’t you believe it? Try me. Teach me how to deal with all of this.

Bends to run the flat of his tongue against the first few vertebrae of my spine. And I fucking die. “Oh my God.” The sound I let out is indecent. So outrageously shameless, I have to close my eyes and pretend it wasn’t mine. It’s just— nothing has ever felt as good as being licked by Koen, there.

“No, but I’m afraid that if you don’t . . . touch me right now, I’m going to start crying. And if that doesn’t work, I’m going to beg. And if that doesn’t work, I’m going to— to break into a million pieces and beg you some more, and I’ll do anything if— ”

“I’m going to help you. But you need to do as I say. Okay?” My nod is frenzied. “As long as you touch me. As long as you— ” He nips the spot he just kissed. A hint of teeth. Warning. “Not how it works, killer. You do what I say, no conditions.”

“Please, use your fingers. Why don’t you want to— ” “You need to shut the fuck up about what you think I want. This is a mess, and you’re not in any condition to make any asks. You promised to do what I say.” A kiss on my cheek. “Is this who you are? Someone who breaks her promises?” I shake my head, feverish, panting. “Good girl. Fingers,” he orders. “Now.”

“Do you need something inside you? To come?” I shake my head. Not usually. Right now, though, I want it.

“You’re doing so good, killer.” “Yeah?” I whimper. “Yeah, baby.” His laughter is soft. Wound up. “I’m trying to come up with a list of things I wouldn’t do just to be allowed to eat your cunt right now, and I can’t think of a single item.”

“Why don’t you, then?” I whine. “’Cause you’ve never asked me to before. And no, now doesn’t count. Open your legs wider. A little more. Yeah.” The last word is exhaled. A little choked. Like he’s savoring. Adding a file to his visual library. “I have no right to it, but fuck, I just want to see enough to imagine what’s happening.”

“If you knew the things I think about every time your neck is bare, you’d walk around in a fucking cape.” “I do— I want to know. Tell me.” “That would be unwise, killer. In fact, you shouldn’t let me near it at all. Near you.”

“I hate it,” he breathes out. “What?” “How perfect you are. I spent the last twenty years hoping that if there was a mate for me out there, I’d never come across them. And then I found you, and, Serena . . . there isn’t one thing I would change about you. Or one single thing I regret about knowing you.”

“I think I’d have you bite me right under my jaw. People would glance at it and think that it’s obscene. But they’d immediately know who I belong to.”

“Keep touching yourself and lick the base of my throat.” I do. Gingerly. And— He exhales a groan. I freeze. Because . . . Oh. Oh.

He encourages me with low, filthy praises, telling me how beautiful I am, how perfect, what an honor it is for him to be here, with me, how he wouldn’t want it any other way, how he would do unspeakable things to have it again.

“Shit, you smell so good.” He sounds as shaken as I feel. “Fuck the covenant. I want to be so deep in your cunt, you’d be squirming to breathe— ”

And since we’re already so close, since he doesn’t seem to mind too much, I hike my leg up his hip, uncaring of the sticky cotton between my thighs. My knee meets the scalding length of his cock. For the first time in my life, I fully comprehend the meaning of the word throbbing.

He didn’t think she could be more perfect. Then she offered him her bite.

“What if my body is set on Koen?” What if my soul is, too. What if the idea of doing any of this with someone who isn’t him makes my stomach turn and my heart shrivel?

The look we exchange is worth a million unspoken words but could be condensed to fewer than ten. It’s wrong. Let’s do it anyway, though.

When two people fall in love, how many nights do they spend together, doing absolutely nothing, before they’ve had their fill? How many silences and crosswords and mugs of tea do they share?

Every single time he sets a hand to his cock, he will have this moment in his mind.

Have to admit, killer, that your presence in my life has been humbling. A fucking revelatory experience. Thought I knew myself, but . . .” He laughs. Rubs his palm against his mouth. “The truth is, if you decide to spend your Heat with someone else, they’ll have to chain me at the bottom of a well and seal its mouth with concrete.”

“You smell incredible right now.” “Like . . . how?” “Like you’d let me keep you here and fuck you for the next six months. Like you need me to.”

“The line is everywhere, Serena.” A hollow laugh. His hand travels up my spine. Cups my nape. Our lips are closer than ever, but never meet. “My entire life is made of fucking lines. And you’re blowing past all of them.”

I want you to tell me what you need, and I want the privilege of giving it to you. I want you to use me.” A kiss on my collarbone. “If you think there is anything I would like more than seeing my mate through her Heat, you are fucking wrong. If this is all I get, I’m going to make the most of it. Okay?”

“It has to be you, Koen. We’re like . . . lock and key? It has to be us.”

“You’re my mate, but I’m not yours. There will be other keys for you.” A flat-tongued, broad lick. When he bites me again, it feels a little more violent. Like he could easily break my skin, and he wants me to know. “And I’ll do my best not to kill them. No promises.”

“Okay?” he asks, and I shake my head. “I’ll never be okay again.” “Yeah.” He is hoarse. Desperate but amused. “We’re both fucked.”

“There’s this voice in my head, screaming at me that I should hold you down and knot you and shred your gland until it’ll scar in the shape of my teeth, and I’m trying very hard to muffle it.”

“The first time I saw you, I thought that of course the universe would deliver someone with the most perfect pair of tits I’d ever seen and then yank her away from me.” I press harder against his palm. He groans. “It’s hard to keep my hands off you, killer. And you never wear anything under my shirts— ” “I hate bras.” “I hate them, too. My afterlife will just be me, watching you move around my house in nothing but my clothes. Knowing that you’re warm and fed and safe and so damn soft.”

“Koen?” I slur, almost there. “Do you think this is the last time? Do you think we’re n‑ never going to do this again?” He doesn’t respond. But right as I’m about to come I hear him say, “If it were, I would regret nothing.”

“I can wash your clothes and— ” His hand tightens around my scalp. Something between a mild threat and an invitation to back off. “I’m going to bury my face in them the second you go to bed, killer.”