Rubyfruit Jungle

by Rita Mae Brown

“I know. You’ll pay for it, honey. Tears and bitterness, ’cause you’ll be out there fighting all by yourself. Most people are cowards, like me. And if you try to get them to fight they’ll turn on you, bad as the people you originally fightin’ with. You’ll be all alone.”

I’m fifty-seven. Fifty-seven. I can’t get used to it. When I think of myself sometimes I think I’m still sixteen. Funny ain’t it? To you I’m an old fogey but I can’t quite believe I’m old.

Sputtering, she pressed forward. “Don’t you find that somewhat of an aberration? Doesn’t this disturb you, my dear? After all, it’s not normal.” “I know it’s not normal for people in this world to be happy, and I’m happy.”

“That’s your problem, smart-pants. You’ll have no friends and you got no family. Let’s see how far you get, you little snot-nose. You thought you’d go to college and be better than me. You thought you’d go mix with the rich. And you still think you’re dandy, don’t you? Even being a stinking queer don’t shake you none. I can see conceit writ all over your face. Well, I hope I live to see the day you put your tail between your legs. I’ll laugh right in your face.” “Then you’d better live to see me dead.”

nothing.” “You know, you’re incredible. I don’t know if you’re crazy or if you’re the stuff that towers over the masses of the mediocre, but I’m not going to stick around to find out. I’m not willing to have to watch you go through the ugliness you’re going through now and I don’t think I could face what’s going to happen after this—when all those doors shut in your face and they tell you whatever lie it is they’re telling to Blacks and Puerto Ricans and women that day. You’re strong enough to take it, but I’m not strong enough to watch it.

but I start to resent you for all the things that make you strong, that enable you to stand up under that daily erosion. I begin to hate myself because I’m not like you.

No, I’m not crushed. Do you want me to be crushed and fizzle in a puddle at your feet like the Witch of the West? And yes, I will miss you. I’ll miss making love with you and going to the Thalia and you’re probably the only woman I’ll ever know who kicked a fat pig down the stairs when she’s in total drag. Okay?”