The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant (Fred, the Vampire Accountant, #1)

by Drew Hayes

This book is dedicated to the uncool, uncoordinated, unexceptional, uncharming, uninteresting, and especially the unashamed. To everyone from the Awkwards to the Zeroes, living as the proud oddballs they are. This book is dedicated to my people.

The chess club was in their own corner, dressed in superhero costumes that bore exceptional detail.

“Hold on, Krystal,” I said, butting into the conversation. “Exactly what kind of tax benefits come from employing Undead Americans?”

“Are you telling me that vampires and werewolves are the reason America won the Revolutionary War?” I asked, dumbfounded. “No, I’m saying America somehow managed to pull it out thanks to the French,” Krystal scoffed. There was a beat of silence, then Albert said: “You know, when you think about it, her version makes a lot more sense.” I shook my head. “The things you think you know.”

“Yup, because this guy is the worst kind of criminal,” Bubba said. “Smuggler?” Albert asked. “Gun-runner?” Neil ventured. “Assassin?” I guessed. Bubba shook his head. “Politician.” We “oooohed” collectively as a group as understanding set in.

Her voice was high and squeaky, peppered with levels of enthusiasm attainable only by children and drug addicts.