The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant (Fred, the Vampire Accountant, #1)

by Drew Hayes

You will eventually discover that under the movie stereotypes, imposed mystique, and overall inflated expectations, each and every one of us is at least a touch more boring than our images would indicate. And that is not a bad thing. —Fredrick Frankford Fletcher

My name is Fredrick Frankford Fletcher, and yes, that name did get me beaten up quite frequently when I was a child.

My unlife was so boring that even the woman who hunted monsters saw me as harmless.

Krystal snorted out a laugh. “Hit on me? Freddy, Bubba is gay. Like really gay. Gayer than a unicorn butt-fucking a rainbow. You’re the one he has a little crush on.”