Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change

by Paul David Tripp

Sanctification is the process by which God actually makes me what he legally declared me to be in justification—holy. This framework sheds light on the ministry God has given each one of us. God doesn’t justify and adopt me because I am okay, but precisely because I am not okay. He knows that lasting change will take place in me only when I am living in a personal relationship with him.

The entry gate is not what you think the person is struggling with; it is the struggle the person confesses. People will tell you how they are struggling, and their struggle will give you common ground with them and a door of opportunity into a deeper level of ministry.

When we speak to people’s real struggles, they respond, This person has heard me. This person understands me. I want more of this kind of help.

Recognizing Entry Gates How can you recognize the entry gates God sends your way? Listen with purpose. Focus on the person in the middle of the problem. As she tells her story, it will come out as a chaotic mix of the present, the past, emotions, and personal interpretations. Train yourself to listen for four things that will show you where the person is struggling. 1. Listen for emotional words. (“I’m angry.” “I’m afraid.” “I can’t stop crying.”) 2. Listen for interpretive words. (“This shouldn’t happen.” “I guess I’m getting what I deserve.” “I wonder if it’s even worth getting up in the morning.”) 3. Listen for self talk. (“I am such a failure.” “This always happens to me.” “I don’t have what it takes to face this.”) 4. Listen for God talk. (“I thought I was doing what God wanted.” “He simply doesn’t hear my prayers.” “How could God let this happen to me?”) Remember, your focus should be on the person and what she is struggling with at that moment. As you listen for the four things listed above, look for a theme (anger, fear, guilt, hopelessness) to emerge. Then grab hold of that theme, meet the person in the midst of that struggle, and incarnate the loving Lord she may be unable to see. We know that God has not given up on the person, gone home, or gotten busy helping others. But the dark clouds of circumstances can blind a person to the God who is there and active. God is her only source of hope as she faces a situation that is out of her control.

He thought he had been helpful, but he wasn’t. He was right that you went the wrong way, but he forgot that in doing so, You missed your appointment!

1. Horizontal trust. Often, people in difficulty do not open up easily.

2. Vertical hope. God not only surprises struggling people with his grace, he calls them to do things that are difficult and unexpected, things that contradict the person’s normal instincts. God is going to say, “Hear me. Trust me. Follow me.”

We want to help a person who is hiding, avoiding, denying, accusing, doubting, running, or giving up to become a seeker—and not just a seeker after help, but a seeker after God. This is important because a counselee is not a counselee until he is a seeker.

Entry Gate Questions Recognizing entry gate opportunities involves learning to ask the right questions. Here are some entry gate questions you might ask the woman whose husband left her. (However, it is unlikely that you would ask all these questions at once, especially when she first calls.) • “What came into your mind as you read the note?” • “What are you struggling with most right now?” • “What are you facing now that you thought you would never face?” • “What are you feeling?” • “What are you afraid of right now?” • “Are you feeling angry? Where is that a real struggle?” • “Describe how you see God right now. What do you think he is doing?” • “Do you feel hopeless? Do you feel like God is asking you to do the impossible?” • “What questions do you wish you could ask your husband?” • “What questions do you wish you could ask God?” • “When you can’t sleep, what thoughts keep you awake?” • “What part of the situation is getting to you most?” • “What regrets do you struggle with?”

Verses 15–17 contain one of the New Testament’s clearest calls to personal ministry. In this remarkable passage, Paul calls us to activities we would normally assume are restricted to formal ministry. We are called to have Scripture so deeply engrained in our lives that we are wise and thankful, and thus always ready to teach and admonish (confront) one another. Paul is calling us to a state of biblical readiness for the ministry opportunities he will bring as he changes us through the ministry of others.

In personal ministry, the sin of the person you are helping will eventually be revealed in your relationship. If you are ministering to an angry person, at some point that anger will be directed at you. If you are helping a person who struggles with trust, at some point she will distrust you. A manipulative person will seek to manipulate you. A depressed person will tell you he tried everything you’ve suggested and it didn’t work. You can’t stand next to a puddle without eventually being splashed by its mud!

One of the radical differences between secular therapy and biblical ministry is the importance of sharing our own stories of struggle. Christ wants me to give evidence of what he can do. As I am humbly honest, the Redeemer will use my story to bring hope to another person. It redeems my story. God has brought me through sin and suffering, not only to change me but to enable me to minister to others. My story is a small chapter in the grand story of redemption, and Christ is on center stage. My story is much more about him than it is about me. In this way even my failures result in his glory. In my own weakness, foolishness, and inability, I have learned the truthfulness of his promises and the reality of his presence. This makes my story a vehicle of change in the lives of others.

Real comfort is found when I understand that I am held in the hollow of the hand of the One who created and rules all things. The most valuable thing in my life is God’s love, a love that no one can take away. When my identity is rooted in him, the storms of trouble will not blow me away.

This is the comfort we offer people. We don’t comfort them by saying that things will work out. They may not. The people around them may change, but they may not. The Bible tells us again and again that everything around us is in the process of being taken away. God and his love are all that remain as cultures and kingdoms rise and fall. Comfort is found by sinking our roots into the unseen reality of God’s ever-faithful love.

Suffering does not mean that God’s plan has failed. It is the plan. Suffering is a sign that we are in the family of Christ and the army of the kingdom. We suffer because we carry his name. We suffer so that we may know him more deeply and appreciate his grace more fully. We suffer so that we may be part of the good he does in the lives of others.

Tell your story in a way that breaks down the misconception that you are essentially different from the person you are helping.

Always tell a completed story. Your story needs to include (1) a difficult situation, (2) your struggle in the midst of it, and (3) how God helped you. This is not the “misery loves company” brand of storytelling. This is not disaster one-upmanship.

The goal of your story should always be worship. All true hope and comfort are rooted in thankfulness for God, his character, and his help. Giving hope is about helping a person see the Lord. Suffering commands our attention and clouds our vision, making it easy to forget what anchors our faith.

Therefore it is wrong to approach a struggling brother or sister with a condemning, self-righteous spirit. This puts you in the way of what the Lord is doing in their lives. You must grant them the same grace and love that you received from the Lord. At the same time, you do not want that offer of grace to be misunderstood. God’s grace is always grace leading to change. Since God’s purpose is that we would become “partakers of his divine nature” (2 Peter 1:4), change is his agenda.

Jesus understands us because he entered our world. For thirty-three years, he lived among us, gathering data about the nature of our experience. Not one minute of those years was wasted. Not only was he passing the test that Adam failed, he was also thoroughly acquainting himself with all we would face as we endured life and waited for his return. His years of experience between the stall in Bethlehem and the mound called Golgotha made him a high priest who can fully sympathize with our weaknesses. He entered our world and his understanding is first-hand and complete.

I regularly say to people, “I don’t want to put my definition on your words and end up counseling someone who doesn’t exist, so I am regularly going to ask you to define your terms.”

Our thinking always rides on the rails of our questions. Good thinkers like to walk around a topic and look at it from different angles. They like asking new questions and asking old questions in new ways. Good thinkers don’t make uncorroborated assumptions, and they don’t allow themselves to think they know more than they actually do.

open-ended questions cannot be answered without the person disclosing what she is thinking, what she wants, and what she is doing. Here are some examples of open-ended marriage questions. • What things did you see in this person that made you want to marry him? • What were your goals for your marriage when you were engaged? • What things in your marriage make you sad? • What things in your marriage make you happy? • If you could press a button and change your marriage, how would it change? • In what ways do you think God is honored by your marriage? • How would you characterize your communication with your husband? • Describe how you and your husband arrive at decisions. • Describe how you as a couple resolve conflicts. • How would you describe your spiritual life as a couple? • Are there couples you look up to? What do you respect about their marriages? • Why do you think you have struggled as a couple? • What do you see as the strengths of your marriage? • What do you see as the weaknesses of your marriage? • What do you think you need to do as a couple to get from where you are to where you need to be? • Describe the marriage of your dreams. • What could your spouse do to greatly change your marriage? • What problems in your marriage do you see as your responsibility? • What specific things have led you to conclude that your marriage needs help? • What do you think God is doing in your marriage right now? • What do you think keeps you as a couple fr...

We cannot allow ourselves to offer counsel to someone on the spur of the moment, with little or no preparation. Unless we take the time to think biblically about what others share with us, we are the blind leading the blind. We must ask ourselves, “What themes, perspectives, promises, and commands of Scripture make sense of this person and speak to this situation?” Our counsel will only be biblical if we filter what we have heard through a sound biblical grid.

Theme of chapter is confrontation; rebuke. Ongoing honesty, many moments of honesty.

Confrontation is meant to be more of a lifestyle than an unusual event. Confrontation is difficult when it is not a normal part of our experience. Sometimes it is so rare that we lack the necessary understanding, expectations, and skills. Instead, we fumble and fail, only making people dread the next time,

We can do this because sin’s mastery over us has been broken as we have been united with Christ’s life, death, and resurrection (Rom. 6:1–14) and indwelt by a Holy Spirit who battles the flesh on our behalf (Gal. 5:16–26; Rom. 8:1–11). Because of this, we can say “no” to powerful emotions (passions) and compelling desires (Gal. 5:24) and turn in a new direction. We do not have to give the parts of our body to favoritism, grudges, gossip, injustice, and revenge. Rather, we can offer ourselves to the Lord for his use. The cross of Christ not only provides redemption, but the resources we need to be part of his work.

Good summary of all we have going for us in Christ

Daily confession of sin is essential to a gospel-driven lifestyle. It makes no sense to rationalize, blame-shift, or rewrite history to make myself look better. This is a denial of the gospel. Self-examination and confession flow out of a deep confidence that Christ’s work is effective for me today. I come to him confident that he forgives me.

Have you ever noticed that the way we sin against people in ministry has a pseudo-confessional quality to it? Harboring bitterness against people is actually confessing their sin to myself, over and over again. Anger is akin to confessing their sin to God, dissatisfied that he hasn’t done something and placing myself in his position as judge. Gossip is confessing their sin to someone else.

It is easy to assume that change has taken place because the person has gained insight and made new commitments. This may tempt us to stop the confrontation process prematurely. But change has not taken place until change has taken place! Change—not personal insight or commitment—is the goal of confrontation. Insight and commitment are simply steps toward a life lived in the worship of God. We

This is one reason why the Bible does not present divorce as a solution to marriage problems, though it may be a result. Unrepented adultery may provide biblical grounds for release from the marriage covenant, but divorce does not solve the problems that led to it. Divorce changes relationships, situations, and locations, but it doesn’t change the heart. People who use divorce as a solution often repeat the same problems in subsequent relationships because the one thing that needed to change remained unchanged: them! They were blinded by their own now-ism. But if they see their marriage now as a training ground for their marriage then, the trials God sends their way make perfect sense. As you solve marriage problems with then in view, you won’t deal with trouble by separating from your spouse. You will learn how God wants to change you so that you can better live with him or her. Your now response will be shaped by a then perspective.

To help people in these areas, you pursue four objectives: 1. Establish your personal ministry agenda. This provides a sense of direction. 2. Clarify responsibility. As people apply truth to life, the issue of who is responsible for what will always arise. 3. Instill identity in Christ. Change is a hard process, and people need to be reminded of the resources that are theirs as children of God. 4. Provide accountability. Change demands patience and perseverance, so we all need the encouragement, insight, and warning that a system of oversight provides.

Sin is not just about willfulness; that is, a conscious stepping over God’s boundaries. Sin is also about blindness; that is, not seeing what needs to be seen to live as God has called me to live. The sinner is both willfully blind and blindly willful.

Spiritual blindness leaves us with no internalized system of restraint.