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For the ones who fight even when they want to give up. I’m rooting for you.
“No one expects you to be okay.
You lost a part of yourself, and you’re never going to get it back.”
“I’m a mangled and messed up piece of a human.” “That’s what love is, Riley. No one ever said it was easy.”
“She wasn’t finished speaking,” Riley says, deathly low. The look in his eye is murderous. A shiver races up my spine when he curls his fingers into a fist. My cheeks turn bright red when he stares at my boss and tilts his head to the side. “And her name is Lexi. L-e-x-i. That’s not difficult, is it? Treat her with respect and get it right, or I’m leaving.”
“We’re going to need a promise from you that you’re going to show up. Your performance doesn’t have to be great. It just has to be something,”
“If there’s one thing I love to do, it’s prove everyone who’s ever doubted me wrong. That’s what you’re going to do too.”
She likes physical intimacy, not emotional attachment,
The last thing I wanted was to be treated differently, and I was convinced everyone was going to start walking on eggshells around me. I was afraid of the awkward conversations that were bound to happen because how is a moment like that not uncomfortable?”
“Don’t apologize for your grief, son. It’s hard as hell, but you’re going to make it to the other side.
Chin up, son. The finish line is closer than you think.”
“Don’t go dark. You can do that shit with the media and people who don’t know you, but don’t do it around us, okay?”
And I’m not saying you need to be saved. Just… let us be waiting with a life jacket if it starts to feel like you’re drowning, okay?”
I don’t want to be so far gone I’m not recognizable.
“Yup. I mean, if you mention you make molds of your dick with lunch meat, I’ll probably be concerned, but I’m sure I’ve heard much worse.”
You love this sport, and there’s nothing wrong with loving it from off the ice.”
This is a job you were given, and it’s hard to perform your job correctly when the other person doesn’t meet you halfway.
Grief isn’t linear. Some days are good. Some days he has the energy to give his full effort, and other days he probably struggles to get out of bed. Sounds like he’s been having a string of those struggle days lately.”
finding the kind of support system I’ve always wanted. We’re each other’s cheerleaders. There’s no competition, no jealousy. We celebrate our wins and mourn our losses together without any sort of resentment when things go right for someone else. Men come and go. Love is fleeting, and I don’t believe in romantic soulmates. I believe in platonic ones though, and these girls are mine.
A lot of men have a problem with powerful women, and women who are in touch with their sexuality are powerful.
“The longer you let what happened consume you, the longer everything else in your life is going to suck. You have to mourn it. Loathe it. But then you have to learn you’re so much more than this injury. So you’re not ‘Riley Mitchell, hockey superstar’ anymore. Who gives a fuck? You’re still Riley fucking Mitchell. You just happen to be injured, and that’s okay.”
It’s not always easy. You can’t magically become undepressed, but you have to find something that makes you feel good.”
Not when you’re so much more than what’s under your clothes.”
The guys all mean well, but they don’t get it.” “Of course they don’t. No one does unless they’ve had the most important thing in their life stripped from them. Guess that means it’s time for you to find a new most important thing.”
There’s nothing I love more than kicking men’s asses and watching them cry.
Gratitude, I think. Awareness of a man doing something nice for me because he wants to, not because he wants to sleep with me.
the ball in my court, and it’s like time stands still. I can think of a dozen things I want him to do about it, all of which I’ve never considered before.
I did that. “And it’s not a mistake.”
I’m going to be obsessed with her after tonight, I just know it. A fucking goner, but that’s a problem for later.
I want to watch her come. I want to watch while I pluck her apart, piece by piece, and when I tease my fingers against where I’m going to bury myself later, pressing against the lace of her underwear so I’m almost inside her, she detonates. And I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight.
“I’m selfish, I guess. I want things that are just for me. I want to know I’m special.”
She’s a little jaded, sharper around the edges, and it’s becoming more and more clear she has walls up to protect herself because of a situation that’s happened in the past. There’s something holding her back, and I doubt I’ll ever figure out what it is.
Funny how all my good days include her.
Just because something could happen doesn’t mean it will,”
Your independence is important to you. Letting another person in offers up the chance for you to lose that part of yourself.”
You can be comfortable but not content. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“Some people think of recovery as a straight, flat line. A direct route from point A, which is the onset of grief, and B, which is a new normal. That’s not true. It’s more like rolling hills and valleys. There will be highs and lows, but they lead to the same place. And sometimes, you’ll have a flat line for months before a bump in the road shows up and you have to climb up another hill.”
“You’re mine,” I say, and her face softens. There’s a flash of fear behind her eyes before she blinks it away and arches her back off the bed. “My friend. My favorite person. Mine,” I repeat. “I’ve never been anyone’s,” she whispers, clenching around my cock. She closes her eyes and blows out an exhale. “But I think I am yours.”
can’t imagine someone else being in Lexi’s place. I don’t want to imagine someone else in Lexi’s place. I know we said no feelings and no emotions, but the things I feel for her stretch far outside the bedroom. They teeter toward I think I might be falling in love with you and if you gave me your heart, I’d promise to protect it for as long as you wanted.
know firsthand what happens when you start to fall for someone, and it’s absolutely terrifying. It’s even more terrifying when you do it a second time after a disastrous first attempt.”
I’m so happy I could fucking die, and it’s the worst feeling in the world.
But I value my life too much to have Tweedledee and Tweedledum in charge,”
“Come on, boys. Let’s pretend like we’re Princess Mia driving the Mustang.”
But… it’s him, and if it’s going to work with anyone, it’s going to be with the man who brings me doughnuts and tells me how capable I am. The man who listens to me and encourages me, and every wonderful thing he’s done for me in the time we’ve spent together comes racing to the front of my mind. It’s what makes me nod my head. What makes me huff out a laugh.
“Darn. It would’ve been kind of fun to break the rules,” Riley says. “Please. You’re not a rule breaker.” “I could be.” The grin he flashes me is mischievous, bold. “For you.” I bite back my own laughter, not wanting him to see how much he affects me. Not wanting him to know how light I feel when he’s around, how easy everything is when he smiles at me. It feels like I’ve been flying for months now, and I’m terrified of finding out what happens when I land.
“What about a tiny roller coaster? It could have a double meaning: something crossed off your list, yeah, but also a representation of life. Its ups and downs. Highs and lows. But you always pull into the station at the end, ready to ride again.”
I’ve been broken for months. Half of who I used to be physically and mentally, but when I’m with her, it feels like I’m on my way to being whole again. Every laugh of hers is a stitch that sews the busted-up, ugly parts of me back together. Every smile is a balm to the aches that linger
around, and little by little, I’m on my way to being who I used to be.
Is this what love feels like?
Like the first bit of sunshine peeking through the clouds after a rainstorm? Like a warm blanket on a cold day? Like a million stars lighting up a night sky? Like I might not be able to breathe if he isn’t around, and like I’m taking my first deep breath in years when he’s close? I’ve never felt anything like this before. I’ve never tried to define it, never tried to wrangle it in so I could accept it, but here I am. Rushing toward it with open arms, desperate to yell out I think I want to give this a chance!
