Mate (Bride, #2)

by Ali Hazelwood

She expects little and is not easily offended. It makes pushing her away frustratingly hard.

“If I’m doing something, you can be sure that I chose to of my own free will.”

What I do miss is the period of my life in which the word problem could apply to the printer not working.

I don’t think I’m capable of jealousy. It’s a feeling that requires the assumption that something is due, and I never developed that. Years in an orphanage, then more years as the Collateral’s baby doll, will beat the possessiveness out of anyone.

“We could be related. I could be your cousin.” He scoffs, unimpressed. “You’re not.” “How do you know?” “I have a cousin. Looking at her does not feel like looking at you.”

“Stubborn and stupid is just a couple letters’ difference.” “You’re not the best speller, are you?”

reminding me that I like him, I liked him from the start, I don’t want to fight with him. Maybe I could tell him. He would understand, I think. He’s gruff and abrasive, a little mean, but also aware of cumbersome stuff like duty, responsibility, love.

Because every single thing I glanced at, grazed, examined, eyed, or even considered when we were at the grocery store, every single thing I decided to walk past, every single thing I told myself I didn’t need—every single thing has somehow made it here, inside Koen’s house.

His demeanor is calm, but I can tell that he’s furious. And in pain. And very unwilling to really listen to me. There is no point in engaging in this conversation,

He told her that he would never touch her because he didn’t want her enough; in truth, he will never touch her because he wants her too much. The make-believe, he thinks, was kinder to both of them.

“Alphas are people. And people make mistakes. That’s why packs have systems of checks and balances. We have an Assembly that can dispute the Alpha’s decisions if need be. And rules are well and good, but all they can affect is behavior. They cannot police something as personal and disorderly as a feeling, so—”

And his eyes are always searching mine, shaping me, trying to make sure I’m okay, and never asking anything of me.

“These halfling legends…Do you think they might hold some truth?” “Most stories do. Although the truths we seek are often not the ones we find.

“Do you want to come with me?” Yes, with every single cell of my body. “Why would I come with you?” “Because the idea of having you out of my sight makes me want to flip those cars one by one.”

“Before I leave, I think I need to hold you for a minute.”

He bends further, and there isn’t a single trace of doubt on his face. He’s an immovable object and an unstoppable force. And he says, slowly, “If you think I’m going to let you die, Serena, you know fuck all.”

“Can I say something really, really selfish?” I feel his assent. I think he might want to know everything that’s in my head. I think he could shake every thought I’ve ever had out of my skull, rummage through them for years, and still not be bored.

He easily resigned himself to a lifetime without her, but… Simply put, he is unwilling to contemplate a universe in which she no longer exists.

Maybe I can take care of myself, but I don’t mind some help. Maybe he wants to be put out. Maybe this is equally for him and for me.

And then I found you, and, Serena…there isn’t one thing I would change about you. Or one single thing I regret about knowing you.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, and I am. I’m sorry for everything. “That’s okay.” He sighs. Somehow, gathers me even closer. “I’ve never been less sorry about a thing.”

Why do I care about some dude’s opinion? Because he’s not some dude.

I think about having this, but times twenty. Times one hundred. Times tens of thousands. When two people fall in love, how many nights do they spend together, doing absolutely nothing, before they’ve had their fill? How many silences and crosswords and mugs of tea do they share? What can Koen and I do, to get as many as—

“Serena. If you’re not going to let me bullshit an answer, just stop asking questions.”

“I know that you took an oath. And I know that this is doomed. But…Koen. There is very little that I wouldn’t do for you, if you were to ask me.”

“I would throw away my pack, my life, and my entire world for you. Which is the exact reason I cannot have you.”

“If someone had given me a piece of paper and asked me to list everything I liked, everything I dreamed of, everything that I was sure would make me happy, you would have been the final product of it.”

Who did you side with?” “That’s the thing of being Alpha—you don’t side. You mediate. You fix. You have the authority to make people stop doing stupid shit, but it takes a while to cement that. Koen? He snaps his fingers, calls everyone a cumbucket, and everything runs smoothly.

“You told me that you loved me, Serena,” he says simply. His eyes are earnest, liquid. So profoundly good. “And while I’m willing to resign myself to an existence without the person I love, I refuse to condemn you to it.”

“I don’t think I can go on without you. Above all, I don’t think I can go on knowing that you need me, and I’m not by your side.” “I’ll be fine,” I lie. “I wish…” His mouth has to work to shape more words. “I wish I could believe you, but—”

“She is my mate,” Koen snarls. “I get to treat her like she’s made of mother-of-pearl. You do not.”

“Serena, I can’t keep wondering what you’re not telling me. I can’t keep finding out that you’re facing enormous problems alone.”